Friend problems?

Question

I guess if you've seen all my other questions (except the emo one) you'll have guessed I'm having a few problems with friends at the moment. And I know it's not their fault. I have loads of great friends, but I always feel left out. I always try to avoid arguments, I try to go along with what everyone wants me to do, but I end up not being able to speak my mind and when I do start the occasional argument or disagreement I feel even worse for it. Please help! I don't want things to continue like this! I just want to be able to be a good friend and to be able to be who I really am and want to be. Thank you.

NB. I don't deliberately start arguments

Answer 1

Lets start with what we mean by friends? You are very lucky if you have more than 2/3 real friends. They are your soul mates and guys you really trust. They are for life.
Then there are the others. friends but not in the long term sense and if you are young, it can be difficult? You might want to be popular and need acceptance?

So to the solution.

Real friends will accept you for what you are and you will have no problem in being yourself when around them.

Judge yourself by having that close circle of friends. You need to work hard to keep them. NOT by how many friends you have!

Next. We all want to be popular. Normal. BUT, the reality is how ever hard we all try, it will never happen. You are clearly intelligent and sensitive. Value that and do not lose it. Compromise is good. Being unhappy is not.

Next, at 40yrs, I still hate conflict But I have learnt I have to live with it and indeed sometimes cause it! Most of the time I will let things go, BUT I give and expect respect. So if I don't get that, I let folks know.

And finally. I still sometimes find I lack confidence with certain people or I just don't want to be chatty. Silence is good as well. Genuine people will respect you as being you.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

First of all you is it just that you feel bad when you speak your mind, or are your friends making you feel bad. It is important to have friends who you can be yourself around. It is better for you mental health to be appreciated for who you really are than the put on a face and just follow the crowd. I lost a few friends a while back when I came out to them. They couldn't except that I am gay. So now I have new friends who I can be myself with. No more worrying about what they will think or if I let something slip about who I really am.

Second, it sounds like you have tried to be a good friend by not stirring the waters and trying to keep the peace. However if your friends really care about you then you are doing them an injustice by not sharing all of who you are with them. It is good to be a great listener but at the same time an honest statement of how you feel on a topic can go far. Being a good friend is not just about doing what they want, but by sharing yourself and ideas as well.

I hope this helps you out.

Answer 3

There will always be arguments in life, but you can't always do what everybody else wants you to. You have opinions and you should say how you feel. A good friend always listens, but doing everything they want you to doesn't make you feel good. You don't have to start an argument just tell them how you feel and if they don't accept it , go on with your day. You sound like you are a good friend, just be sure they are too.

Answer 4

It sounds like what's really going on here is that you feel that you have a voice but you don't feel validated cause you don't use it that much or you feel taken advantage of because you're not speaking up. Or something close to that effect.

In reality, this is about choosing your battles. It doesn't sound to me like there's really anything to speak out about. Just relax and be okay with the dynamic of things between you and your friends. WHen you say "when i do speak up, i feel bad about it". I'm wondering if there's REALLY anything to speak out about. If your friends are abusing a person or an animal or they are breaking the law or being extremely rude to an innocent person, then speak out, otherwise, you can just chill.

It sounds to me like you're speaking out and starting a disagreement just to say "Hey, I feel left out, I don't know how to not feel this way so I'm going to start a disagreement".

Why not try saying "Hey, i;m feeling left out, talk to me or ask me to go to the movies too" or whatever makes you feel left out. Just simply ask your friends to do exactly what it is you want them to do. People like when others are specific. If they don't call you, say "call me" if they don't invite you places say "invite me too"!!!! Be light hearted about it. :)

Answer 5

if your friends were really friends they would listen to you and value what you have to say and also they would make time to do things you want to do as you would for them. You should stand up to your friends and tell them and if it causes a row because they are not happy with what you say then perhaps you should try and make some new friends. You will not always agree on everything but they should respect you.

Answer 6

I've seen your other questions. Like I said before: it's hard. It looks to me like youre not getting useful answers so youre asking again.
Here's some advice:
Don't take advice from people about something if they don't know the WHOLE story. Unless you can think it all down to the tiniest detail and that's hard.

So write us another question and say EXACTLY what is going on with you and your friends

Answer 7

Sweetheart, I think there are more issues here than you just feeling left out. You seem to have no confidence. If I were you I would seek some help by way of therapy.

Go to your Dr and tell him how you feel, and that you believe you would benefit from some counciling ( this isn't just for nutters) they will build up your self esteem and make it possible for you to believe in yourself more.

Good luck babe xx

Answer 8

silly meggy
i said i forgive you and i always talk to you in private, just like you do for me. Dont be so hard on yourself and maybe we will sort something out at the next sleepover or next saturday! YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT FRIEND! just be who you are and do what you want to do. If anybody has a problem with that then thats their problem, not yours!
xxx

Answer 9

Feeling left out is one of my biggest fears. You know what you want so do what you think is best. Otherwise live the life you have been given and do things that make you happy, not others. You first then other people.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Trying to please everybody is only making you miserable. If your friends are true friends they will like you for who you are. That means listening to you when you are upset, angry, happy, sad, excited, ect... You shouldn't have to shut your mouth and just listen and make everyone happy...it doesn't work I've tried it. What makes me happiest with my friends is being my self and if I have something to say they'll listen. If they don't like it they don't have to listen. All my friends know my philosophy and respect me for it because that is who I am and I wouldn't change for the world. Just be yourself and they will respect you even more. If they can't handle it then they aren't true friends.