Ok i know this is bad, but i can't help it, i'm married (happily) but yet all i can do is think of other men and women...... i hate my husbands sex.... i've come up with different excuses not to have sex with him anymore, all i want to do is self service, and i daydream about other man and women (friends or people that i work with)... this a bad thing, anyone have any suggestions
2006-06-28 04:44:55 · 27 answers · asked by janie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK, you say that you're happily married and you made no mention of wanting to leave or get a divorce; so I'm assuming there are things about your husband you like and he's worth 'keeping', it's just that the sex is bad......
You make no mention of:
- how long you've been married
- HIS outlook on sex
- YOUR outlook on sex
- if there is any OTHER circumstances than might affect things ( eg. - is he working trying to support his family and tired all the time, etc. )
So.......is there a reason that you can't/won't 'train' him to please you like you like ? Sounds like you are pretty sexually open, have you tried watching porn w/your husband ? Have you tired showing him what you like ? (maybe it's just me....but just the THOUGHT of walking in on my g/f playing w/herself is enough to get ME arroused...)
Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling ? ( NOT that you are fanticizing about others, but how you feel about your realtionship) Sounds like there may be a HUGE lack of communication going on.
I agree w/ a previous comment that your husband may be feeling the same way you are. Talk to him ! Since the idea of females obvioulsy turns you on too, go to a strip club together. Talk to your husband about 'swinging'. The main thing is - TALK to your husband. The two of you got married for a reason and you say that you're 'happy', so work this out. The alternative SUCKS !!!!
Good luck !!!!!
2006-06-28 05:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by barhopper 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Actually, your not happily married. While sex is not the most important thing in a marriage, it does play an important role. You need to stop avoiding sex with your husband and figure out how to have good sex with him or you are never going to be happy.
2006-06-28 04:48:56 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know honestly this is not a terrible thing. you are fanticizing and that is ok. Just as long as oyu could NEVER actually do anything with anyone else. I would try to bring your fantasy into reality. Like start thinking of all the stuff you see those people doing to you and start doing that to your hubby and tell him you want him to do it back. Men are always looking for some advice to make things better...good luck
2006-06-28 04:57:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know......I dont know how to answer you or what to say....It is freaky but we are in the same boat. So the only thing I can do for now is whenever my husband and I engage in sex, I make sure that we include a "toy" (male and female) and I just imagine. Thats all I can do for now than engaging on actual people.
I hope that helps. But I so know what you mean.
2006-06-28 05:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by maylacson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try new things with your husband? Tell him exactly what you like, instead of making up excuses to not have sex with him. Quit thinking about other people, quit the constant self-pleasuring, and focus on your husband!
2006-06-28 04:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. I feel the same way. I don't have much advice. I just know that I avoid sex with my husband like the plague, and fantasize about others (men and women) all the time....
2006-06-28 07:47:27 · answer #6 · answered by tear streaked angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk with your husband and maybe try some new things and as long as your just thinking and not acting then all is good and trust me self service can sometimes be better that sex even if you like it with your partner maybe you both can do it in front of eachother
2006-06-28 04:59:51 · answer #7 · answered by Lorri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about discussing with him some alternative methods? Maybe try a weekend trip or invest in some toys and games. Communication should be a top priority for the marriage to survive.
2006-06-28 04:51:15 · answer #8 · answered by fish38474 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has fantasies sweetie, there is NOTHING wrong with that, but share them with your husband, tell him what you are fantasizing about, let him in on it, and saying you 'Hate" sexy with your husband, has it always been like that? IF not go back to when you used to enjoy sex with him, come up with new things, go to an on line sex store and look for toys or aids to spice things up, go ahead fantasize, but include him in on, chances are he would like to know what was going on and what you are thinking about. And I agree, there is nothing wrong with counseling, try that! There is ALWAYS a next level to take your relationship to and if you love him, initiate taking it to the next level. And you decide what the next level is....GOOD LUCK!
2006-06-28 08:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by slf620 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try a counselor who specializes in sex therapy. And while you're at it, check to see if you are being completely honest when you say you are "happily" married.
2006-06-28 04:53:51 · answer #10 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋