Everytime i get mad or sad, I cry. My husband says i cry too much and my tears have no affect on him anymore.?

Question

What can i do to stop crying every single time we have a fight?

Answer 1

It's hard to answer this since you don't say how often you fight and how often you cry. But, let me give it shot.

A lot of men, me included, are affected deeply when women cry. If they do it too often, we start to think that it might be an attempt at manipulation. If we believe that, we'll pull back a little (or a lot) instead of trying to offer comfort.

Even if it's not an attempt at manipulation, crying tends to put an end to any discussion of the fact/feeling involved. If I really wanted to finish the fight (a healthy one, I mean), I'd find the crying a serious impediment to that.

So, if you think you're going to cry, stop for just a second, figure out why you want to cry and tell him why. It will help a lot.

Answer 2

WOW that's not very nice of him to say -- although I'm sure he said in the middle of a fight, so sadly it doesn't count because unfortunately we say things we don't mean when we get heated.

Since he is used to your crying and has no affect any more (although it is very hard to hold back tears) you have to figure out a way to get angry rather than sad. I've noticed with my husband the less I react the more it affects him. I get very quiet and when he is done with his speech or whatever I simply "Yup" him and calmly walk away. Then he sees he's acting like an *** getting all worked up and it forces him to take a step back and think about whatever it is we were fighting about. Hard but try it.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you are a very emotional person. You emit your emotions through tears. The only problem with this is that it gets old. I have a sister that makes everything a scene. She is over dramatic about everything, so people have begun to ignore her when she throws these fits. It is a real shame, but she has abused this crying fit in public.

I would say try to cut back on the tears for situations that are really hurtful. This way your husband will know they are genuine tears and that he really did something to hurt you. You may need to speak to someone that can help you better funnel your emotions. Women are always more emotional to begin with and that is something that most men can't understand to begin with, so doing it often is probably something that freaks them out. They may see you as a drama queen, when you are just trying to vent your true feelings.

Answer 4

I don't know. But I understand that you do not use it as a tool. ( I cry every time there is a fight too.). In fact I don't think that there's anything wrong with crying. It's a "safe" expression of your feelings during an argument. Well they do say that anger is one letter short of danger, and by crying your avoiding other forms of expressing your anger.

Answer 5

sounds like you have some serious issues. Definitelly some emotional problems. What effect are your tears supposed to have on him? My wife cries sometimes, but not everytime she gets mad or sad. You're either depressed or you've unconsciously learned to use tears to get what you want.
Does he abuse you? What are you getting mad and sad about?
I mean if it's about trivial things then you need a shrink.
I have a 3 yr old that cries a lot (like a lot more than my other kids) and for no serious reason and I get worried about her sometimes. it's not normal

Answer 6

Leave the room until you feel able to continue with the "discussion" tearfree. Seriously taking a break from a heated conversation is a good thing. It will give your husband a chance to calm down as well. When everyone is a bit more relaxed it is easier to see the other side of things.

Answer 7

Men just don't understand - My ex was the same way and when I broke up with him he came crying to me and I said what are you crying for tears mean nothing to me so get over it - it is different when the shoe is on the other foot

Answer 8

Wow.
People's answers are very cruel.
Mine will be better for you,and give you advice.You have my word!
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Okay,so you say you cry & you cry.You also say it has no affect on him anymore.
Well,I think that you two need to talk more.
Talk about stuff that matters to you BOTH.
You BOTH cannot do this without hurting each other,then you honestly have NO hope.

I think you should ask him.Ask him why it's having no affect.
Tell him you're not doing it to make him feel bad.Tell him it's just your reaction to getting hollered at.
Tell him HOW he has hurt you.
Make him feel a little better about himself.
Tell him you'll give in your 50% if he will give in his 50%.
You two need to resolve this before it ends up with alcohol & substance abuse & domestic abuse.

Well,I hope I could help.

-Nick

Answer 9

Well, reading the answers posted prior to mine makes me sad! If you are crying that much and arguing that much, you and your husband may need some counseling. From experience, I know it is often very difficult to get a man to agree to counseling, so you should seek it for yourself. You need someone who is completely neutral to talk to about what is causing your sadness and stress. I pray that you will find a good person to talk with and get the help you need for yourself and in your marriage. God bless.

Answer 10

there is nothing wrong with crying, but you can do something about it, instead of sitting there listining to his complaining constantly at you until you do start crying then just leave the house for a little bit go out and have some coffee and calm yourself down, or to a friend's house, someone you trust who will listen to you, im sorry you have to go through that, my mom had to go through that also my foster mom i dont real parents i dont know what happend to them ive been in and out of homes since i was 2, but having to watch the only mom i did know go through that, all the time, being discouraged and hurt by my dad was really hurtful cuz i was too young and scared myself to do anything about, but he would always calm down after a certain amount of time, sometimes he would just go lay down and feel better when he woke up, so just get out of the house for a little bit. and make yourself feel better first and then go back to him and talk to him, you dont deserve to listen to that crap he tells you if your tears dont have any affect on him whatever that means, that kind of tells me that he doesnt care that your hurt or scared.