Do I divorce him?

Question

My husband had a problem with pain pills, and refused treatment, so i left for the safety of my son and me. After I left i noticed he was calling escort services. I confronted him and he eventually admitted to it, but firmly denies there was any sex that it was just phone calls. I an inclined to believe that, but I still think there was phone sex or something. He has been begging me to come home, and has seeked counseling for his drug problem, but he still shows no remorse for the phone calls to escorts. He never even apoligized til I said said I didnt believe he for sorry for what he did. I told him in order for me to come home we had to get marriage counseling, after debate he reluctantly agreed. I told him I need time to think about things, and he said ok, but is sending me on guilt trips for leaving and taking our son with me. I want to work things out especially for the sake of our son, but I dont know if he has truely changed or recognizes he crossed the line.

Answer 1

Try the counseling. If that doesn't change things, divorce him.

Answer 2

You do know, because you were able to give very distinct examples of his behavior. You are the mother of that child, and your primary goal in life should be to protect your child at all costs. You need to keep away from your husband until he has been sober and clean for at least a year. You also need to get the counseling with your husband while separated. Let him know that you are interested in getting back together with him, but the problems need to be fixed first. Also understand that he is trying to manipulate and control you with his comments about leaving with your son. He is showing some big signs in regards to an addict, I have been there and am very aware of what he is doing. Also, the phone calls are a form of adultery. Can you live with the fact that you have so little meaning in his life at this time?

Answer 3

First off, do not return just for the sake of your son. Children know when things are not right, and that can cause another problem. But if you really LOVE your husband, and he is willing to get counselling at that is a start. Maybe then you can bring up the subject if it bothers you that much, and you truly think it is crossing the line. But think long and hard on what YOU want.

Answer 4

I've sort of been where you are. We weren't married at the time but I left him for 10 months and moved to a different state with our children. I honestly believe he slept with my best friend (now ex-friend). He denies it. Since then we have gotten back together and married. I feel that I can't trust him since he didn't tell me the truth. That hurts our marriage. Marriage counseling could help. But I've always said without trust there is nothing. Don't work things out just for the kids. Work it out for love. And besides ya'll were seprated what he does during this time is really non of my business. (Even in my case it's non of my business, but I still wonder).

Answer 5

All you can do is refuse to give him another chance until you complete the marriage counseling. You will be able to tell at the counseling and bring up your concerns in a way that will get him to talk about it and then you'll know if he's truly sorry and will change. People don't change over night, it takes time and you can't change if you don't want to.

Answer 6

People seem to take marriage so lightly.. I guess thats why the divorce rate is 58%... VERY SAD. If he agreed to getting help he is making an effort... why wouldn't you give him a chance? help him with his problem, you are his wife! remember... for better or worse, in sickness or in health. I agree that if it gets out of control and effects the well being of you and your child then you need to protect your son first and foremost. but if he is a good father and a good husband then you need to help him with this addiction. As far as the escort service... his wife just left him and he was probably just in a bab place mentally... I wouldn't obsess over it. concentrate on the real problem.. he needs professional treatment and support from his wife! GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Try to love your husband and stop complaining, stick with him and help him out, he is begging you to come back home, why don't you counsel him your self, instead of fighting with him, he need your love, people with drinking problems always lack of love,the bible say he that have heavy heart let him drink and comfort his mind, take the load off his feet give him a back rub some of the time,Don't work things out because of the sake of your son, work it out because you care about him, Also check your self,ask the question where did I go wrong, Take a shower with him Tonight and see the changes in him Tomorrow

Answer 8

Honestly what did it for me is that he isn't feeling remorse. I've not been a clean character in my life - but if you did something wrong and honestly know it you show and feel it. People around you will know it too. The fact that he is making you feel guilty is wrong. This is an emtionally abusive relationship. You should not be here. Right now it's just you who are getting run down, don't let him do the same or worse to your son.

Answer 9

Hey I totally agree about the marriage counseling and yes I think that you should give him one more chance but if things start happening again I would divorce him and I will pray for you and hope that everything goes well. Please be very cautious about things and when you go out shopping with your son make him come with you so he won't be able to have sex with any one else and so he can't call any one without you knowing.

Answer 10

Give the couseling a shot. People who have become addicted to pain medications often don't realize everything they are doing. Plus they can be alittle selfish. Especially when they stop taking them. Their body is going thru alot of cganges and they feel terrible. The tend to take it out on others. But with counseling you should be able to move past it. Especially if your relationship was good before the pain meds.

Answer 11

You are describing an abusive situation. You were right to leave. Your husband seems to have an addiction problem and needs professional help for that. Your son is learning a lot through this situation...the question is, what is he learning? You have modeled appropriate behavior in drawing a boundary and stating that this behavior is unacceptable. He will learn something valuable from that -- how to draw and maintain healthy boundaries. What else do you want him to learn? Once you've answered that question, you have your plan in front of you.