Been married 12 years, we have nothing in common, sleep in separate rooms, im miserible..hes a good provider and doesnt cheat..Do i give up security to give myself the chance to find happiness or just stay ???
2006-06-28 02:47:09 · 27 answers · asked by LINDA E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Who moved out of the matrimonial bed? Why are you miserable? Where does cheating come into this? What do you mean by happiness? What is it YOU want? Who is the problem? How long has it been like this?
If you want leave go chase your rainbow.
If you want to change the way you are living together now try using the time you spend miserating to find the many hundreds of " THINGS IN COMMON " people in 12yr relationships really do have.
Ask yourself truthfully " If My husband died today would he die believing he is the cause of our sexless misery, would he feel loved, confused, would I cry true tears of love for him at his funeral, or tears of excitement and relief and dream of happiness with his life insurance security?"
Happiness is gotten by investment, If I love someone, or if I care about someone, and by other ways lead them to think otherwise, or just lose sight of my feelings toward someone always there, but suddenly they are killed tragically.
If we love someone NOW is the time to let that person know.
Next step. Be ready to put in the graft all by yourself to get the BEST OUTSIDE HELP to build bridges of communication. Learn new ways, change old ways, learn together how to work with differences, how to look for and appreciate the good in each other. Go over your contract how you thought it would be 12yrs ago, and change it together. Make life win win.
GIVE IT TIME
Up to you..invest, or quit.
2006-06-28 05:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Married 12 years? Why throw that away? Stay. If you want to work at something, work on the relationship you've got, not looking for another one. Believe me, the grass is not greener. The guy doesn't cheat, that's a HUGE plus. You are unlikely to find another guy so dedicated despite the obvious problems in your relationship.
You must have had something in common 12 years ago. Also, relationships change and grow. You cannot expect everything to be the same at it was.
Sit down and think why you are unhappy. Try talking it out. See if there are things that you can change besides a divorce. And if there are children involved, a divorce is NOT helpful.
If there is some abuse, that is another matter entirely, but just being "unhappy" is not a reason to bail on a commitment.
2006-06-28 02:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by dhaeberle2001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it all boils down to you.. do you feel like you'd rather spend your life with this man jus because he's a good provider even though ur very unhappy being with him. I think it's kinda obvious that u should leave and find urself some happiness. I mean u sleep in seperate rooms, eventually ur gonna want romance and companionship! What r u gonna do when that happens. (if it hasn't already) Life is to short to spend it being miserible, if you have the option of makin ur life better then if i were you I'd take it. You never know whats out there...
2006-06-28 07:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that anybody can come to an answer at your place. It is "just" a question of balancing your priorities. If you have children, if you prefer to re-start a new life but do think about what you know you will sure lose and not sure to gain before acting. Sometimes even cheatting could be a good remidee to boerdom in ones life as well as in finding an new equilibrium. but the first thing you should do is to talk to your partner about what you feel.
2006-06-28 02:53:07 · answer #4 · answered by Marco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have children? Then you stay.
If you don't have kids, you can choose to leave or to stay. And if you decide to stay, you go back and remember why you married this man in the first place. If you loved him once, you can have that wonderfulness again, but you will have to make it happen. Read the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. It will change your marriage.
2006-06-28 03:02:54 · answer #5 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way... When you are 80 and alone will you be able to look back and be happy with the life you have had or will it be a releif that you are now alone. I can't imagine looking back and wishing you had done something to make yourself happy. You will have a much fuller life if you are happy. Good Luck!
2006-06-28 02:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by limbomom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would much rather have the love of my life, my husband than all the money he could provide. Love and happiness is the only real reason worth living. Money only goes so far...If you are truly unhappy..then I suggestt leaving..
2006-06-28 02:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by Machelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave if your not happy tou should leave and go find the man you really love and as for secureity get a watch dog.
2006-06-28 02:55:15 · answer #8 · answered by Lauren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out why u r so miserable.Is it you're choice to sleep separately?Do you have other interest or friends? Are u working to provide 4 yourself .If your truly unhappy you should be making plans to prepare yourself to improve yourself , for yourself.
2006-06-28 03:51:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy then get divorced! There may be someone out there that you may like but cant get to because this man is holding you up.
2006-06-28 02:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by Benideti 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋