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We are both 30 years old, have been together for 10 years and married for 5 years. There is no abuse or anything else negative. I just think we are 2 different people from when we got married. And I am no longer physically or spiritually attracted to her. May be that we were too young in the first place and didn't know ourselves.

2006-06-28 02:28:50 · 39 answers · asked by John 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

We have no children but alot of monetary assets (houses etc..)

2006-06-28 02:34:21 · update #1

I am a little fearful that I will be alone and not find someone else. But I guess this is a chance I must take.

2006-06-28 02:37:48 · update #2

Thank you for all the nice replies, I want to clarify that my wife does not want a divorce and says she is very much in love with me. Unfortunately as much as I try I do not feel the same. Am I crazy? I love her as I love all other human beings, I just realized that I would like to roam free for a while.

2006-06-28 03:27:09 · update #3

For the record; I am not concerned about the money/finances at all, I will be more than fair and equitable in the settlement. As a matter of fact, she can have it all. I place no value on material possesions...

2006-06-28 03:29:53 · update #4

I have learned that there is nothing outside of me that will bring happiness...

2006-06-28 03:31:07 · update #5

39 answers

I can feel your pain. You no doubt feel lost and puzzled about what you might have done wrong and what you could have done to stay "in love". I think it is remarkable how you could write a message/ask a question that is so mature, free of hate and blame. It is possible that she feels the same way, but possible that she is comfortable with the situation and still in love with you, but neglects you since she is comfortable. You need to sit down and talk and let her know how you feel.
You both are still young. Even if the split proves to be permanent, you will eventually get through your grieving.
All the best to you both!

2006-06-28 03:16:00 · answer #1 · answered by martha 2 · 4 2

I wouldn't straight up ask for a divorce (and you don't really have to ask - since in most states its no fault and you'll get one whether she wants it or not) but rather tell her how you're feeling and see if there is any chance to fall in love again with the people you now are. Definately don't try to make her change into the woman she used to be and don't try to change yourself into the man you used to be, but instead see if these two new (and hopefully better) people can find some common ground, can woo eachother, etc. I am divorced, and found couples counseling very helpful EVEN THOUGH we divorced, it allowed me to know that I'd done everything I could and it resolved a lot of things so I didn't walk away bitter.
My last piece of advice is this - nobody stays the same throughout their life, so if that's what you were expecting - maybe you just need to change your expectations.

"Our lives are woven by the weavers of time in a pattern we cannot see"

2006-06-28 02:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by liberalmama 1 · 0 0

Be honest. Just let her know what your thoughts/feelings are. If it has not come up before, expect some denial, defensive behavior, and maybe even some argumentative interaction. Some spouses can sense it coming while others are completely shocked. The fact that you're taking a step in that direction sometimes initiates behavior modification in the other person. Before you ask, you need to be sure that this is what you want. I hope this helped some. Good luck. Divorce can be emotionally draining.

2006-06-28 02:38:40 · answer #3 · answered by jackie_jackie_bo_backie 2 · 0 0

If you are feeling this way then, she must be feeling some of it too. If you aren't connecting then she probably already knows that there is unhappiness.
You are a good man in considering your words carefully. The way you have stated it here is probably as nice as it can be to hear. Although I might change the statement to You feel that the two of you are drifting apart both physically and spiritually.
Let her know that you will always care for her though.
God bless...........pray and the words will come.

2006-06-28 03:21:43 · answer #4 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0 0

If you got married and made that vow to each other for better or worse then how can you say you are not spiritually connected? So what if you are not the same as you were when you got married, I hope not, I hope you and your wife have gotten smarter more responsible and caring. Talk to each other, spend time getting to know each other again. Don't throw this covenent away as if it ment nothing. Loveing each other is a choice not a feeling.

2006-06-28 02:50:35 · answer #5 · answered by COP 1 · 0 0

Well i dont htink you should because you have to look beyond that think back to the time of when you married her what attractd you to her other than looks? I know when u sit down and think about memeories you will bring so many smiles to your face and you love that person all over again. As long as you dont argue you shouldbe fine. and you were together for 10 years and when u first started dating and then got married you made a vow to love through thick and thin and thats what yous hould o sit down and talk toh er maybe she feels the same and then u can mention deivorce but i dunno just talk to her

2006-06-28 03:10:12 · answer #6 · answered by C I 2 · 0 0

You seem to know you want a divorce ,and there are no easy and simple answers .One you could come right out and tell her or 2 you could suggest a separation as a trial period to work on the relationship. You don't mention if you tried to work on the relationship with her it does take two for that and if she's not informed or included then you have made up your own mind good luck

2006-06-28 03:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You made a promise, that you now must keep...especially if their is no infidelity nor abuse...just because you are no longer physically or spiritually attracted only means you lack the motivation to put the necessary effort to make this marriage what you want it to be, and that is unfair to your partner because if your bored, so are they...and I don't hear her asking for divorce...the grass isn't greener on the other side, if it looks like it is , it only means you need to water your own lawn more.

2006-06-28 02:37:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

i think being different it what makes a awesome relationship. you just have to find a way to make that meld. being different gives you so much more to add to a relationship than two poeple who are almost the same. learn from each other and feed off each other's differences. look at it as a great potential to learn something about yourself as well. i think its a little lame to call it quits after so long. do you not love her??

why not try just sparking things up again. do something you both like to do. there has to be something. get a hotel room and buy her some lingerie and have hot sex. something. don't give up now.

2006-06-28 02:32:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You are going on your feelings at this moment. Do you think we always feel the way we did on our wedding day? You made a commitment to you wife, I would try everything to rekindle what you once had, or counseling before I asked for a divorce. We all go through seasons of change, you can make it through this and reconnect if you really want to. I've been there.

2006-06-28 02:34:09 · answer #10 · answered by Deborah 3 · 0 0

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