my bf of 14 yrs.asked me to lose weight 20 lbs ago, I know I can but i don`t want to for him and i don`t even think we should be together anymore.
2006-06-28 02:03:44 · 27 answers · asked by mis12 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Love is not about numbers or appearances, it's about mutual respect, affection and trust. If this man is telling you that he doesn't love you because of 35 pounds, you already know the answer to that question. Love is not turned on and off like a faucet because appearances change. Lust may be, but not love.
Your weight and any impact on your health should be concerns to you, but not dependent on an unltimatum from a partner. You might want to ask why you do not want to lose the weight for yourself and your own well being.
Frankly, it also sounds as if you believe this relationship is not right for you and may be using the weight as a shield from it and a rather convenient way to end it and get to be the "wronged party" as well. He may be honestly concerned with your health, but you don't trust his motives and you don't feel connected to him sufficiently to do this.
Just be honest, with yourself and with him.
2006-06-28 02:11:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You find yourself in a difficult situation and you are certainly not alone. I'd like to respond with a few questions of my own.
Has your boyfriend changed at all over the last 14 years or is he exactly the same like some kind of museum exhibit?
If he lost his hair would you feel it appropriate and acceptable to ask him to get a rug or some doll's hair planted?
If you had a hot body and one leg, do you think he would still love you?
What does he love about you? Were you a trophy girlfriend and you don't fit the mould now?
Have you asked yourself if your relationship has just run it's course and he is looking for some excuse to break it off by asking you to do something that is obviously very difficult thus removing any responsibility onto you alone?
All I know is love is not unconditional whatever people say, and as time goes on the conditions do not neccessarily stay the same.
And one last point that I am reluctant to make - do you know of anyone who made themselves unhappier by losing weight?
2006-06-28 02:18:21 · answer #2 · answered by cobra 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the question you need to ask is, why am I with this man? If you've been together 14 years and were happy that be awesome, but if you can't remember why you're with the guy and don't think you should be... I say you need to leave. You've probably put on so much weight cause you are unhappy. If you are waiting around hoping something will happen... Someone who stays your BF for 14 years is never gonna marry you. The relationship is going no where. Don't be stuck because it's what your used too.
2006-06-28 02:10:34 · answer #3 · answered by asonda_charmed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to be with him and you don't want to lose the weight-DO NOT DO IT!!! You should only lose weight if it is what you want to do, because if you do it for someone else-you won't keep it off. As for your question about whether a man should love a woman whether she gained weight, the political answer is yes, but lets deal in reality for a minute. If a man met a woman who is thin and she gets bigger, there is a good chance that he is going to have a problem with it. Is it right? Maybe not, but that is how most men feel. Women can't use their reasoning for how men think because it is not the same. It may seem shallow to women, but a man cannot help what he is attracted to and we cannot condemn men for that. I could go on and on about the philosophy of men and what they think about fat women, but I just don't have time. Here's my opinion from my experience-No man wants a fat woman when he had a skinny one. You can rant and rave all you want, that is not going to change. So if you married him thin, you better keep it off.
2006-06-28 02:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by writeroftheyear1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have gained a lot of weight since when I first met my husband in college and he has always been so supportive. When I have decided to go on diets and work out he supports me with that too.
Does he say why he wants you to lose weight? If its just so you'll look better for him I would be pissed to. I agree losing weight because someone is bugging you about it is not a good motivator. I have always been more motivated when my husband says he loves me no matter what, it makes me want to do it because he is supportive.
If you do stay with him. And he insists you lose wieght, I would make him diet and exercise with you every step of the way. If he is not willing to do it, then why should you?
2006-06-28 02:08:23 · answer #5 · answered by Jen11979 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually when a woman gains that much weight it means she is secure in the relationship and content with the man she's with. She is no longer trying to "impress" anyone. So yes, a man should consider it a compliment and continue to love her. However if it's as you say ,YOU don't want to lose it for him and YOU don't want to be with him any more I can only wonder why you are even asking about the weight issue.
2006-06-28 02:12:54 · answer #6 · answered by miblackpearl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your man should love you no matter what type of weight you gain. If he's so imberrased of you he needs to find his way out of the door. You guys should really be close enough now if you have been together for 14 years now. Sometimes our men want us to look like we looked when we met them and I don't see anything wrong with that, but if you are the type of person that feels like you are comfortable with your own weight then he should respect that. I personally want to keep my slim figure no matter what. My man does not like a lot of weight, but I don't either. I do a lot of things to please him, but this works for my relationship. What works for your own relationship you do. If you feel good then you should tell him this. If you feel like he is not worth it anymore do what is going to make you happy inside.
2006-06-28 02:13:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I do think a man should love a woman eventhough she has gained some weight but, you do need to be understanding about his request. At least he is being honest about his feeling. He still loves you, if he didn't he would have just left you instead, he is telling you that he would pprefer you to be thinner, because he was more attracted to you when you were thinner.
2006-06-28 02:11:56 · answer #8 · answered by leo 1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look here.....its stupid to "not love you anymore" for putting on weight.....so yes he should definately love you no matter what....now if you think you guys shouldnt be together because of that then thats a whole nother deal. do you think that cuase he wants you to lose weight or is it other reasons all together??? if he was a real man he would love you if you gained 100 pounds.....and if you want to see how much he loves you....leave him and se how fast he bugs you to take him back...
2006-06-28 02:09:19 · answer #9 · answered by jjne1469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you dont want to be together, so fudge off
love isn't blind no matter what anyone says
attraction is a big part of being together and so is compromise
after 14 years just to stare at someone everyday is hard, when you are not attracted to them even harder
loose the weight I say dont be selfish
2006-06-28 02:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by -)-(- 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋