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My neice was 'mistreated' by a family member who lives in her neighbourhood. My sister, in conjunction with taking the necessary legal action, decided to move for the sake of her daughter.

Although my neice is happy they're moving, she's acting up and lashing out and is very angry with her mum.

She has a right to be angry, she was hurt, and now her life is being turned upside down, but what are some ways we can counter the bad behavior and feelings of irrational rage?

My neice has been paired with a counsellor and her therapy will begin soon. In the meantime, does anyone have any ideas as to how we can address the sensetive and deep seeded issues of anger, resentment and fear that she seems to be experiencing?

2006-06-28 01:39:38 · 8 answers · asked by Chryss 4 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

8 answers

The first thing I would suggest to you, Chryss, is to know that, once they move, things will improve greatly. Your niece will be quite angry, I'm sure. Once the pace has slowed down and they have settled into their new home and established a routine, there will be large improvements. I can only suspect that the previous living environment was unhealthy. Aside from the obvious problems, your niece is resisting the changes in her life.

Children can sense the mental state of their parents and the child's mother is undoubtedly stressed and upset, herself. Naturally, your niece will reciprocate those same emotions.

In relation to improving her behavior and rageful tendancies, that will require a lot of talking. The worst thing you can do is sweep this under the carpet. Especially at her age. What you don't want to do is force it on her. When these anger fueled outbursts happen, that's when you want to confront her about why she's angry. In order to fix this problem you have to understand it, first.

She must know that it's okay to be angry. However, she has to be encouraged to express her anger in a more composed fashion. Right now, she's going to resent her mother for all the changes that have been happening. As you can imagine, it's a lot to deal with at 4 years of age. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Help her understand why things are they way they are.

What ever this family member did, however appalling, can be understood. I believe if you give her an explanation as to why what happened, occured in the first place, it will help her to further understand the situation. But that's not enough. Unfortunately, it seems this is a time when she will have to do some growing up. What I mean by that is, she is now just realizing that there are bad things in the world.

All parents confront, having to explain to their children about the evils in our world. One must take great care when doing this. The idea is not to scare the hell out of the child but to make them aware and understand. Yes, bad things happen but that doesn't mean you need to be scared.

Tell your sister that she should explain why they are moving. What is important, is to illustrate to her in great detail, but basically, that it is for the better.

If your niece is feeling rageful, have her express it in a healthy manner; buy a punching bag or one of those inflatable punching bags. If she wants to beat the hell out of some thing, let her do it but it has to be in a healthy form. Continue to talk to her about her feelings. Reassure her that she is loved and take great care to stay close and be comforting when she needs it.

Other than that, time will heal her wounds. She'll never forget what happened to her. I suppose she may have a bit of a mental scar. However, she can move on. All she needs is to understand the "why" and be given support. The love of her mother will take care of the rest.

2006-06-28 19:33:05 · answer #1 · answered by PAIN23 3 · 2 0

It's hard for a child to express anger verbally. They don't have the words to say how they are feeling so they act out. The therapy is a good idea and should help. In the mean time, I think just being patient with her and giving her lots of love and encouragement that things will be okay. Let her know the person that hurt her will not be able to hurt her anymore. Let her know she is safe and the adults in her life (you, her mother) will take care of her and protect her. One thing I did with my kids when their father died to help them work through their anger and sadness was give them a "feelings book". It was just a sketch book that they could use to draw or paint. Art is a good form of therapy, especially for kids. They don't have the words to express how they feel so they can "let it out" through their art. When she is really upset you can comfort her and once she is calmed down enough ask her if she wants to paint a picture of how she is feeling. It worked well for my kids and seemed to give them a positive outlet for all that emotion.

2006-06-28 01:50:44 · answer #2 · answered by jonny'sgirl06 2 · 1 0

sit down and talk with her reasume her she is very special and loved by everyone and moving is always fun
new friends a new house

hug her and kiss her write down your phone number
in a special note
tell
her to keep it close to her if at any time she feels she wants to call
call you
you will always be there
and you'll always be glad to hear how happy she is how well she is doing
MAKE SURE THE FAMILY MEMBER WHO MISTREATED HER
doesn't bother her no more
four years old ill personally get her a very nice large animal stuff ask her what she likes she likes dog she likes cats
just a Little some thing from you
that always she has it close to her she remembers she has a friend in you
someone to trust

2006-06-28 01:52:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Anger from that child is normal, and the lashing out towards the parent is to be expected when A child feels betrayed by the parents. Give it time and make sure the parents NEVER let that happen again under normal circumstances. Raising a child is a moral responsibility, and as a parent you need to safeguard who is in your child's life.

2006-06-28 01:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by tiger_skratch 4 · 0 0

Try setting her down at the table and talking to her. Ask Her why she is angry. Listen to Her and try and comfort Her. Try to explain the best you can in comforting words why things are like they are. Sugar coat as much as you can but stay o the point. Let Her know that she can talk to you that you are there for her. Keep talking to her and keep her attention while at the table. Keep doing this every time she is angered. She will fell that you are there for her and that she is able to talk to you and she will fell safer.

2006-06-28 01:53:51 · answer #5 · answered by Jean f 3 · 1 0

well in dealing with temper tantrums....just stop the activity that you were doing and deal with it in a calm manner....by talking to her in a firm voice telling her that you will not tolerate such behavior and she needs to know that she has to respect her elders.....ask her calmly to try to relax and sit in the corner or other isolated place so she can think about what she has done...offer to her that the activity will resume when she stops being angry.....encourage her to share her feelings as often as possible at this time.......my 6 y.o. stepson has episodes and this is usually how we deal with them....good luck!

2006-06-28 01:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by mz.Tiza 5 · 0 0

pick her up and give her a hug, she is wanting attention, but do it in a way that lets her know that you aren't re-enforcing bad behavior. or she will do it every time she wants a hug. which is ok, that tells you she feels neglected.

2006-06-28 01:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Just listen to her... let her speak and you listen. And once she is over with her anger... Be calm and talk to her and help her in controlling the outburst.

2006-06-28 01:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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