Do you find life satisfying without either a relationship or children?

Question

The older I get the less I "need" a significant other of opposite sex, nor do I regret not having children as I have seen so much heartache that friends have experienced from them (children). What do you do to find satisfying meaning in your life?

Answer 1

Okay, as I promised...here is my update.

I'm not single; I've been married for 16 years (to the same man lol), but we don't have children. When my husband and I were dating, people asked us, "When are you going to get married?" When we got married, people started asking us, "When are you going to have kids?" And that particular question is still being asked of us to this day.

When people ask me the question, I always say the same thing, "When God sees fit for us to have children, we'll have them." **One guy asked me, "Are you *ever* gonna have kids?" It really was more of a statement than a question. I felt as though he were telling me that I had no purpose in life if kids weren't in the picture. After I gave him my stock answer, he helpfully offered, "Well, there are procedures that can be done to help you guys along." The audacity! He completely assumed he knew why we didn't have kids, and that in vitro was the answer for us. Needless to say, I was incensed.

(In vitro is not an option for us. I've seen too many friends go this route, pouring huge amounts of money into something that proved fruitless. Being a slave to ovulation strained many of their relationships to the point beyond repair. This, as well as some difficult ethical questions that arise for me over embryos, has effectively shut and locked the door on this option for us. Please understand, I'm not judging anyone who goes this route. This just isn't for us.)

Anyway, there are plenty more stories just like that **. Practically all of our friends have children. I'm truly happy for them; they derive a great sense of purpose and satisfaction out of being parents. But that doesn't mean I want or need kids. I won't say I've never wanted children, but I won't say that I've had a burning desire for them either. I'm sure if we had them, I'd feel the same way as all our friends do. But we don't have kids, and yet I feel quite satisfied in life...and I do have purpose.

My satisfaction is knowing the Lord...knowing He knows what's best for me and my husband. I truly trust in Him, and I firmly believe that we don't have kids for a reason. We've not completely figured out that reason, but I will tell you some positive things about not having kids:

- I can sleep in until 9 whenever I want
- We can make love whenever and wherever in the house we choose without having to lock doors
- The time we spend together is focussed completely on each other
- We don't have to arrange for a sitter whenever we want to go out
- There will never be an "empty nest" syndrome
- We can go on vacation at any time of the year without having to arrange for time away from school
- We've never lost a night's sleep to a collicky baby
- I don't have stretch marks
- Our living expenses are much less, being just the two of us
- We don't have to fight to get our kids into the best kindergarten class or worry about SATs and college entrance exams
- We don't need to save for a college fund
- We don't have to worry about where our kids are or what they're doing at any time of day or night
- We don't have to worry about our kids making bad choices, despite our best efforts to teach wisdom and responsibility
- We don't ever have to worry about our kids becoming victims to pedophiles, or other sick predators who seek to take advantage of children
- etc.

Anyway, you get the idea. Please, don't anybody get me wrong. I could write an equally long list of positives to having children. This is just the stuff I think about that keeps me from any hint of bitterness and resentment over not being able to conceive.

To answer the question of what I do to find meaning in my life: I already alluded to the source of my satisfaction, that is the Lord. My desire and purpose in life is to love everyone I come in contact with. I have tremendous compassion for the hurting, sick, elderly and dying. I volunteer time to a homeless shelter, a convalescent home, and a crisis hotline. The time I spend helping the people I come in contact with is a tremendous source of satisfaction. When I help someone to find a home, or put a smile on an elderly man's face, I know I've made a difference... however small it may be. This is my purpose for today. It could change in an instant if God sees fit. And I'll be content with that, too.

As for you, don't listen to anyone who seeks to make you feel bad for not "needing" a significant other or children. These aren't for everyone, and it sounds like you're just in a different phase in your life. Embrace your solitude. Just make sure you don't let the absence of spouse or children be an excuse to be a recluse. Participate fully in the human adventure...give of yourself freely and generously...live, love and laugh. You'll be happy and others will be, too.

Thanks for such a thought-provoking question.

Blessings to you.

Answer 2

Humans are social animals so most of us will feel the need to share life with a significant other. You can enjoy life and feel completely satisfied without that significant other because we also posses a mind capable of compensating for everything short of nutrition. Humans are also animals that have procreation ingrained in our genes so we feel like we have accomplished more by having children and passing on a legacy. If you don't have children and feel satisfied you are not missing anything because you are doing what you want to do. But, once you do have a child, it changes everything in your life. Life seems to be more satisfying when you have someone you helped bring into this world.

Answer 3

Most definitely! I'm very satisfied by doing well at my career, the care I give to my sister and her children and assisting my parents with the things they can no longer do. Actually my life is so full I don't have time to even think about children or having someone else around!

Answer 4

It depends on the individual and what you dreams and aspirations are, some people's dreams are to go to college, work, get married and have kids, while some people like myself want to save the world and the environment, that's my dream, some other people just want to make as much money as possible by starting a company like bill gates did? i guess it all depends on you and i think i can still be satisfied with my life even if i didn't have kids and/or someone to love.

Answer 5

NO! You will eventually need someone to relate to that is from your loin. Don't give up faith of having atleast a companion if your biological clock has stopped. Keep an eye open for that one that will ease the pressure of our daily life. I mean, life is so boring without either one(Women N children). Best of wishes.

Answer 6

I contend that we can not be happy with another person until we are happy with ourselves. Clearly, the social agenda is to continue to multiply (just for the continuation of the species) but that's not the end-all-be-all defining moment of our lives. People set themselves up for disappointment time and time again when they try to make it be. Life has so many things to offer especially when we are whole and complete (without waiting for someone or something outside ourselves to make it so).

Answer 7

in every life there will be some desires to fullfill so according to u u may have u'r desires but while coming to human life that to in ladies they should give birth to a child because u are also coming from same place that is from u'r mother so if u'r giving aa birth to a child mean u are really great equal to the god because he is the one who first invented people so never get hesitation take care
from raja

Answer 8

Me neither. Married 22+ yrs. 9 children

Answer 9

really? then if your content why feel the need to ask for advice? Everybody has bad times, but it's all part of life. Dont let your friends experiences put you off. Think it's a case of 'you dont know what your missing'

Answer 10

LIFE IS A PASSAGE OF TIME. IF U MISS A TRAIN U HAVE TO CATCH ANOTHER OR NONE. THE TIME AND CORRESPONDING HAPPINESS AS WELL AS GRIEFS DO NOT RETURN. WHAT REMAINS IS ONLY REGRET THAT U DID NOT DO WHAT U WANTED.
TO GIVE SATISFACTORY MEANING TO UR LIFE DO WHAT UR CONSCIOUS TELLS U. BE THE MASTER OF UR MIND. DO NOT BECOME THE FOOT BALL OF OTHER'S OPINION.