How do I be the best supportive friend to an alcoholic who wants to quit drinking?

Question

My friend told me he wants to quit. He refuses to go to AA. He thinks I would be a good influence on him because I don't really drink much at all. I want to be there for him. What should I do to be supportive? What is something that I should definately not do or say?

Answer 1

do fun stuff with him that does not involve drinking, and when you do have drinks don't include him and don't let him know about it . don't tell him fun stories of nights out drinking with friends, thats great he wants to stop!!! don't ever offer him drinks thats just nasty,and let him know he's not a f#ck up if he does end up having a few drinks, slow and steady. If he evre gets sick cause he probably will get him to a doctor wether he likes it or not.cause when ya bodys not getting what it's used to it can sometimes shut down.. all the best :)

Answer 2

your buddy? or you? you need to fairly favor help, and frequently this suggests bottoming out. no longer honest for a clean infant to have a determine who drinks to blackout. it is also very risky. blackout level also skill lack of mind cells, and can want to probably recommend coma. i understand, my husband turned right into a blackout alcoholic. it really is a many sided attack, and if she cared sufficient about her infant to no longer drink at the same time as pregnant, than she own the determination to end lower back, only because the baby's outside her body is not any excuse to commence up. the baby desires the mummy now more advantageous than ever. also i'd imagine she runs the possibility of having the baby taken away, blacking out=undeserving mom. attempt each little thing, antabuse, (intense drug, cant even use deodorant, mouthwash something featuring alcohol). naltrexone works also. AA helps too. yet her answer lies interior of, and obviously she knows sufficient to no longer drink at the same time as pregnant. also yahoo solutions gained't be the perfect position for solutions. the dr. AA. that's the position you turn. a touch one's nicely-being is in probability. extremely.

Answer 3

In order for you to help him, you have to let him know that you will not put up with his bad behavior. Then back it up. It seems to me that he needs to get some professional help for this and does not want to do so. By refusing to go to any counseling, he is not trying to quit at all. Since he is your friend, you should be able to support him in this and not have to police his actions. There are more addicts out there with friends helping that can be counted. You are not equipped to handle this by yourself. Tell him to get proper help and you will go with him through every step . No addiction can be conquered by denial or shortcuts.

Answer 4

Take him to the mountains and don't give him the keys to the car. But In all honesty since he refuses to go to AA I wouldn't even try to help. He is saying hewants help but refuseing to take it. AA

Answer 5

It's hard for someone to stop drinking unless they are willing to take public responsibility for their actions and let others see in what bad shape they are.

(Pride is one of the major downfalls here. Alcoholics lie consistently, in order to save face and avoid admitting their issues.)

While it is commendable that he is at least making a vocal effort to quit by involving you, part of me fears that it's just another way for him to fool himself that he's "trying" to quit without actually putting himself in a real situation where people would always be holding him accountable.

You're his friend, so he already knows you're sympathetic and probably won't be able to hold his nose to the grindstone when he flouders; and he also knows he will be able to downplay any failures (or even only tell you half-truths about where he is, drinking-wise) without you getting too much on his case.

I can say this because my father was an alcoholic for forty years, and so I have first-hand emotionally scarring experience with the whole thing.

It is EXTREMELY hard for the alcoholic to quit, and even when they make an attempt, they often surround themselves with lots of "easy outs" in case they decide they want another drink. The alcoholic always wants to be in control, and submitting himself to others takes away some of that control.

The emotional wreckage of our family did nothing to stop my father from drinking. Going to jail did not make him stop. He continually blamed everyone else for his problems and never would include anyone else in his attempts to quit -- so that he could stop trying whenever he felt like it, without someone riding him about it.

You know what made him stop? He essentially almost died in the hospital from alcoholic poisoning. That frightened him enough to make the effort, plus he had been in detox while in the hospital and thus was able to get a "fresh start."

Finally, the "charade" was now over: He was denying things even when he went into the hospital, but finally his problem was visible to everyone and he had to deal with it.

Now he goes to AA consistently, and he has allowed himself to reforge old relationships. The fact that he is willing to submit himself to others in his desire to stay sober is a major telling point in his success.

Fighting an addiction by yourself, without steady moral support, is simply insane. One has to throw out the pride and allow the community to help. I have no doubts that you care about him deeply and would do your best to support him, but I fear that your friend is just using you as a "band-aid" and is not really serious about changing.

In fact, the odds are that he will fail if he does not submit himself to a wider support group.

Everyone is different, sure, and there are occassional stories of success by lone-wolf types (who, personally, I think still have issues to deal with even if they manage to stop drinking).

But playing the odds, if you want to help him, I'd tell him he needs a wider circle of support that can help him want to stay clean, rather than just you.

Not only does it seem like a plan doomed to fail, but it is definitely not fair to you (as someone he values as a friend) for him to force you to carry alone so much of the load of his success or failure.

Answer 6

Be strong and encourage him to do so. Nothing in this life is easy, but tell him you love him and will be there to support but do not enable him to drink if you can help it.

Answer 7

well keep him away from anything that make him think of drinking. and show him there is a lot of other things he can do to have fun then get drunk. take him with you or show some the things you do for fun keep him busy and keep it fun

Answer 8

give him a beer im trying to quit myself but its hard so i reward my self with a beer every now and then

Answer 9

just be yourself.