What do you think of this situation?

Question

My husband regularly works 14 hour days anymore (he's only scheduled 9 hours usually on his schedule), and is paid salary , so he is not even getting paid all the overtime he is obviously working. Now he is starting to work even later sometimes (and obviously not being compensated!), working 16-17 hours sometimes. He has a wife and 11 month old baby at home which he obviously is not seeing or spending time with. He insisits this kind of work schedule is normal today, and that I am crazy for getting so upset that he's just basically working for free and that he's never home. Am I really crazy or do I have a justified reason for being upset with my husband?

Answer 1

good providers are hard to find, he is salary so if he does not go in when needed he may lose his job, lighten up, this is sop for some jobs and salaried people, just appreciate you have someone this dedicated, this also means he is probably this dedicated to you, remember he has a vacation time also! and the bills are paid, lighten up on this hard working man!

Answer 2

Well, it depends on what industry in which he works. But, do you know any of the other spouses of people he works with? If so, you could ask them what the normal working hours are. Maybe your husband is afraid to work less because he would look bad to the people above him and he's afraid to lose his job since he has a wife and baby. But, I wouldn't work those hours unless I was properly compensated (but I do know many companies that put people on salary with the understanding that they will work 50-55 hours. But those people usually get a raise that makes up for the overtime lost.)

Next, even if it is the "norm," that doesn't mean that your feelings aren't legitimate. I mean, you and your husband should be sharing this wondrous time with your baby and he isn't there. Not to mention, you might be needing some time off and your husband isn't really being a true partner, right? So, I would suggest counseling. Together, you might decide that this job isn't worth what it's doing to your marriage.

Answer 3

I think you have a right to get upset. But instead of that try working things out with him.

He will miss the time he didn't spend with his family, Expecially his kid, because kids are never 11 months old twice.

Sit down with him, tell him that you are partners, and he can't make this kind of decision without asking you. Find out about other employers that do pay overtime, and show them. Also, I think not paying overtime is illegal. If his employer can't pay overtime, he/she shouldn't expect your husband to work it. If they fire your husband for working his hours only, he has an excellent basis for a lawsuit, but you should ask a legal expert about that first.

Anyway, the most important thing should be spending time with his family now, not 10 years from now. Providing for you is important, but there's a time and place for everything.

He should also respect what you do, since you probably are the one taking care of the kid, which is more than a full time job.

Pick the right time for an argument, then state your case. Whatever happens afterwards make sure you get his attention, and don't raise your voice or get upset. You're trying to solve this, not take out everything on him.

Whatever his career turns out to be later in life, there is no replacement for missing out on his kids' first years, just nothing compares to that.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I agree you have reason to be upset.

I've worked in management jobs that were salaried,
and in most cases I always ended up working
more hours than I was scheduled, with no extra
compensation. And the most annoying part was
that my added hours were mainly cuz lower
wage hourly workers would call in sick.

I recall 1 week where I worked 108 hrs ......
pretty sad when my weekly wage was $400.
When I calculated 68 hours of O.T. the
extra hours would've been worth over $1000
more had I been an hourly employee. Instead
my pay turned out to be less than $2.00 / hour,
which was far below min. wage. I barely got
a thank you from my boss, so I turned in my
resignation the next week ..... after I found
better job.

Unless your husband feels he is actually
being paid fair amount for all the extra work,
I would strongly suggest he start floating
resumes around.

You also need to stress to him the most
important thing he is missing out on ......
his wife & baby who need him at home.

Hope things start looking up for you.

Answer 5

Some people work more than others because they really enjoy the work. Other people work longer hours to avoid going home. And then others may work all the hours in the day because they feel if they didn't, they would be replaced. Which one is your husband? Figure out which one he isn't, and then find out what kinds of hours other people in his line of work put in. I wouldn't want to put blame on you because only you know your situation at home, but have you been married for less than a year? Or could you see that he's stressed when he's at home? These kinds of situations may encourage him to find reasons to stay at work when he doesn't have to.
Or he may just need to find a job that allows him more time with his family. It may be as simple as figuring out his priorities.

Whichever it is, I wish you the best of luck. My father was rarely home because he and my mother rushed in to their relationship too quickly and they ended up not being compatible. That means everyone was miserable in the end. You deserve better and have the time to make things better - either by figuring out what his problem is and working through it together, or, well, you know the other alternative.

Answer 6

I understand where you are coming from. I am pregnant and my husband works 17 hrs. a day mon-fri. I see him on Saturdays. Trust me I know how hard it is. I get so pissed and I bet you do too. I bet you feel like his work is more important than being with u and the baby. You want him there to help and so the two of you can raise the baby together. I know its frustrating and it hurts and you feel like second best. The only thing I can tell you to do is to not nag him, but try to sit him down and explain to him all of the things you feel and try to make him see that family is more important than work. You didnt get married to spend your lives apart..remember that.. I know it sucks, but if he is not willing to compromise maybe you should go stay with your parents or seperate for awhile....maybe then he will realize what he had when its not there. GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE THIS WORKS OUT FOR YOU

Answer 7

I always consider that personal life is more important then professional life. But when you spend al the active day time at work, the work time himself become personal life, so in to a situation like this things become really sad.
On the same time, if his effort will help him to build a important professional career, and if that can increase the level of your family life may be his effort is justified.
If not, try to speak with him to find a job where he will also have time for the family.
In the end, the family is the most important thing in our life, and we don't must to ignored.

Answer 8

Dont get angry with your husband, maybe he is working so hard, to get away from your anger. I am sure he would want to spend more time at home with your and the baby, if he came home, to a wife that was supportive of him, and not to a wife that gets angry with him for trying his best at work.

Try changing the situation, make him feel overly welcomed when he gets home, do extra little things for him, like running a bathtub and lighting candles for him, so he can just come home and relax. Serve him dinner in his favorite armchair. Dont nag on him about what he has not done, or is doing that is wrong, rather praise him for the things he is doing correctly. Trying to forget the things he is doing wrong for now.

You might find with this, he will want to spend the extra hours he is spending at work, rather with you and the baby at home. Maybe also by him working so long hours, it is a way of him breaking away from stress at home... try looking at things from his perspective...

Answer 9

Yes You are really Crazy , Why Ur Husband Spending More Time in his Job of-course to getting the more money, money for What of course for you & Your Childern, so Adjust your life with his current schedulle it may be no longer, after that lapse of time you may pass great time with your husband

Answer 10

Tell him to take a walk through a cemetary. There are people in graves who thought the work place couldn't get along without them. The companies still survive.