How do I get my son to sleep without using me for a pacifier?

Question

My son is 9 1/2 months old and I had no intentions of weaning him until a year old but I can't sleep! He wants to stay attached ALL night , when he falls asleep I try to put him im his bed and we will wake right up and start crying, we will NOT sleep without being atttached to me, While I believe breastfeeding to be a beautiful and natural experience and bonding time, it is getting old.

Where I said we, I meant he, sorry for the confusion.

Answer 1

You need to create bedtime routine.

I recommend you give him a bath, put his pyjamas on, nurse him and then -- when he is finished, read to him or sing to him until he falls asleep.

You need to break the association between sucking and sleeping.

I recommend the book the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
Breastfeeding is great, but a mother is not a human pacifier.

Answer 2

First of all, please do *not* let your baby "cry it out". It may not work at all. Even if it does, it is *not* healthy for him. Crying alone causes the release of cortisol (a stress hormone)--even *after* he stops crying. This means that calories he needs for growth and development will instead go to stress management. It also teaches him that when he is totally dependent, the people who love him the most won't help.

Another comment... He is *not* treating you as a pacifier. A pacifier is a mother substitute. It is a way for a baby to suck--something that is *normally* at the breast--without having to have the mother available. He is treating you like a mother. He knows what he needs, and he knows who can provide it. This is not only *normal*, it is good. It will serve him well throughout his life. When he is a teenager, and all his friends tell him that drugs will fix all his problems, do you want him to have learned that *things* are where you go for comfort? Or do you want him to turn to *you*? He needs to learn this lesson now--take my word for it, you *cannot* teach a teenager! :-)

In the meantime, there are some things you can try to help him learn to sleep without nursing the whole night. Babies *normally* wake up when you put them down asleep. Don't do it. Instead, whenever you are ready for bed, lie down next to him in your bed (put him on his back) and nurse him. When he is fully asleep, wait another 5-10 minutes before you take him off the breast to make sure he is in the deepest stage of sleep. Then you can fall asleep. If he still refuses to stop nursing, take advantage of the hormones that your body releases while nursing and fall asleep while nursing him.

Obviously, you haven't been awakd for over 9 months without ever sleeping. What *have* you been doing that works? Maybe you can modify that to allow you to get more sleep.

Try going out one night (but stay *very* nearby--maybe visit a neighbor's house) and let your husband put the baby to sleep. It may not work, but *some* babies will go to sleep fine for someone other than mother, even if they normally will only nurse to sleep. If he still refuses, come home and nurse to sleep.

Remember that he *will* outgrow this. When he is 16, he will not only *not* be nursing to sleep, his babyhood will seem like it was so short and you will miss it!! Believe me; I am a *real* expert on this one (see sources section below).

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you created a huge problem trying to solve one simple issue. You taught your son to EXPECT the breast constantly. The only way to solve this is to feed him, put him down in his own bed. Then follow this plan; #1. Get a timer. #2. Set it for 2 minutes. #3. Give him his blanket, toy or some other favorite object. #4. Say goodnight and leave the room immediately.(He will be screaming , you can not stop him) #5. When the timer goes off and he is still screaming return to his room pat him (DO NOT TALK OR PICK HIM UP), leave and set timer for 4 minutes. (NO matter what do not return to room till timer goes off). #6. Set timer for 8 minutes, then, keep doubling the time till he is quiet. AT NO TIME PICK HIM UP OR TALK. If you are consistant, this could take as little as 1 night. But, remember he has had you as his pacifier for 9 1/2 months, and he is not going to like loosing it. This might also be a good time to stop breast feeding and start offering breast milk in a "sippy cup". Remember to ask yourself "WHAT IS IT THAT I WANT MY CHILD TO LEARN FROM THIS"? Then figure out a way to teach just that, making sure you are NOT creating a NEW problem.

Answer 4

Oh, boy, you have your work cut out for you! I sympathize, I have a 4 month old. He's not gonna like this transition, but I would try to get him used to being in bed when he's sleepy, not asleep. That's what I do, even when I'm exhausted. If he cries, soothe him and then put him back in his bed. It's gonna be tough at first. Have you tried giving him a pacifier?

Answer 5

I agree with everything professional_mother said. Has he been nursing like this for the past 9.5 months, or is it a recent thing? I know that my girls went through phases like this. Eventually, I found different things that worked for each of them.

With my older daughter, we both got more sleep if I waited a while after she unlatched and moved her to her crib. (She started the night in her crib, too.) I also found that even if I kept her in my bed, if I moved her a little farther from me or moved myself a bit away from her (so that we weren't touching), she slept better. She weaned at 14.5 months, is now 3 years old, and sleeps great most nights in her own bed.

With my younger daughter (now 19 months old), I've found that she will often soothe herself w/o nursing if she's able to play with my hair or touch my skin. (She also starts the night in her own bed, but joins us around 2am most nights.) When she wakes in our bed, I sometimes just stay quiet and she goes back to sleep. Other times, I try "sssh"-ing her, and other times, I just move in closer so that she can play with my hair and touch my face and hands. I've also finally gotten her to just nurse for a minute or two at night and then I ask her to "please unlatch and go back to sleep." Even when we wake often, I have a little more freedom. Whenever we fall into a good, consistent routine at home, she starts sleeping better at night, but once anything gets stressful, she really needs to cling to me at night to feel safe. I keep trying to remind myself that it will pass sooner than I think, and I'll miss her next to me when she's older.

Hope you can get some sleep soon!

Answer 6

A lot of people will tell you to let him cry, but every kid is different, and mine would have cried himself to illness. What I finally did was to put his little crib bed right next to my bed, so he wasn't exactly in the bed, but right alongside. that way, he could nurse, I could practically sleep through it, then I didn't have to get up and down. He is a very healthy, happy 11 year old now.

Answer 7

Make a bedtime ritual. Look up control crying. I breast fed till my son was two. I had similar trouble to you, so my husband and I made a bedtime ritual we stuck to and I would feed him then my husband would tuck him into bed. It was difficult. and he did cry a lot. But it took about a week using the control crying technique. and he was fine after that.

Answer 8

AT FIRST IT WAS HARD FOR MY SON TO GO TO SLEEP WITHOUT ME AND I TRIED EVERYTHING BUT REALLY 2 THINGS ONLY WORKED EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT BUT THIS WORKED FOR MY SON I RECORDED MY VOICE THAT GOT OLD SO I GAVE HIM A BLANKET WITH MY SCENT ON IT YES I SPRAYED MY MILK ON THE BLANKET AND THE SCENT KEPT HIM CONTENT I DID WASH IT VERY OTHER DAY FOR SANITARY REASONS

Answer 9

Have You Ever...
1. Held hands with a boy? ya
2. Hugged a boy? ya
3. Touched a boy inappropriately? ya
4. Been touched by a boy inappropriately? ya
5. Kissed a boy? ya
6. Made out with a boy? ya
7. Been caught making out with a boy by an authority figure?no
8. By a friend or enemy? ya
9. Had sex with a boy?N no
10. Had oral sex? no
11. Stared a boy in the eyes? ya all the time
12. Been caught having sex by an authority figure? lol no
13. By a friend or enemy? no
14. Ran your fingers through a boys hair? ya
15. Had a boy run his fingers through your hair? ya
16. Sat on a boys lap? ya
17. Made out with a boy in the dark? ya
18. Kissed a boy in the rain? [crying] no
19. Kicked a boy in his sensitive area? ya
20. Spent more than hour flirting with a boy? omg all the time
21. Stolen your friends boyfriend? ya
22. Had your boyfriend stolen by a friend? no
23. Cheated on your boyfriend? ya
24. Been cheated on? ya
25. Slow danced with a boy? ya
26. Been on a date? ya
27. Took a walk with a boy? ya
28. Told a boy he was hot? all the time
29. Told a boy he was ugly? lol ya all the time
30. Been told you were hot? ya
31. Been told you were ugly by a boy? prolly
32. Seen a boy naked in the flesh? ya
33. Dumped a boy? ya
34. Been dumped? ya
35. Asked a boy for his number? ya
36. Had a boy ask for your number? ya
37. Embarassed yourself in front of a crush? ya but i laughed about it w/ him
38. Secretly liked your best friends boyfriend? ya
39. What about just her crush? ya
40. Lied to your boyfriend? ya

41. Been lied to by your boyfriend? ya
44. Slept with a boy without actually having sex? no
45. Been over to a boys house? ya
46. Had a boy over your house? ya
47. Done something drastic to get a boys attention? lol ya
48. Begged a guy to make out with you? i never beg! >:[
49. Been begged by a guy to make out with him? ya lol
50. Slept over a boys house? non related no

Answer 10

Please don't worry. It is just natural for that to happen. Almost all babies are like yours. They feel comfortable & afeeling of security wraps them when they are attached to us. Let baby be happy. After we can do all this only now.