Counseling would not change things.
2006-06-27 19:52:46 · 30 answers · asked by andrewchatter 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I can honestly say that sex is not all in a marriage. Have you asked her if there was anything wrong? It seems to me that there is a communication problem. Talk to her and maybe there would be some more sex going on.
2006-06-27 19:56:13 · answer #1 · answered by La Boriqua de NJ. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Andrew,
First of all what made your wife not want to make love to you? I t must be either she's hardworking as well as being a wife and a mom. Or either she has felt tha your not pampering her as you should. She still loves you, think about it if it's as bad as you say she would leave you. Now I'm not taking sides. If you have been unfaithful to her and she just isn't trusting you. You should love her until the end til death do you part. We are to love unconditionally their two sides to the story.. You both need time together go on a boat ride without the kids. Get a sitter for a couple of days. Go to the beach you both need to romance each other like you use too. Sex between a man and woman is so special rekindle your marriage that is'nt a reason for divorce. Wait or her she still loves you and you her. You are not promised tomorrow live for today. Tell her you do care about how she feels and you want to understand. We need to relize men are always wanting to make love to their better half. We can wait for as long as we can. send her some a card once a week flowers and then buy her a ring or a shopping spree to her favorite store. or better off send her on a cruise to Cancun or Italy.
2006-06-27 20:05:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you be so sure that counseling wouldn't change things???
You should at least give it a try!
The most important thing for you guys, is to start communicating. Talk about your situation. There's probably a reason why your wife is no longer interested in sex. Try to find out how she's feeling and what you could both do to improve things. Which brings me back to counseling. A marriage counselor might be able to help you see where your problems are and how to best deal with them. Sometimes it's easier for an outsider to see what's going on in a relationship! I think you should give it a go even though it's probably the last thing you want.
Hope you guys can works things out!
2006-06-28 02:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by tabs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if you care about your kids then find a way to become more appealing to your wife no matter how much effort it takes. Start watching your habbits and make sure you're not doing anything that's turning her off. Do you take care of hygeine, make sure your teeth are clean and breath is fresh, trim your private area, don't breath too heavy like a hog, start saving money secretely and spring a suprise vacation on her if you can, start working out with weights, try a different appearance, shave your head or something, stop explaining everything to her like a sissy boy, get a hold of videos by David DiAngelo, he is the best at teaching men how to seduce women.
2006-06-27 20:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by Spirit-X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that is all that runs through your mind is that the sex isn't good enough should i divorce then you have issues buddy. Take it from me, there must be a lot more wrong in the marriage if that is all that you base the terms of "staying together" on. Talk to the girl. Communication is the number one problem in all relationships. If you have tried every which way you can to receive after all you do is give give give then you need to talk to her and tell her that this isn't working for you, you are not happy. Ask her if she is happy. If not ask her what you can change to make her happy, ask her if she is willing to change to make you happy, this isn't a give give give and your partner take take take, this is 50-50 you do the giving and the taking. I am sorry to be so blatantly blunt about the situation and I am sorry if this came out wrong.
2006-06-27 19:59:50 · answer #5 · answered by kat_08_2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats wrong with men... sex is not all in these world.
marriage is not "oh i can have all the sex I want now"
marriage is communication. tenderness, kids (enjoy time with them) intimacy (but not necessary sex) simple touch,massage,a bubble bath).
don't expect to have sex every day.... stress,depression,medication can take away the libido. Talk to your wife,,,,, go counseling you never know if it will work or not if you DONT try it !!!!
set a romantic mood in your bedroom with candles,exotic food and just touch. don't intent to have sex but explore each body.. touching is a very powerful tool.....
make your wife feel loved and special.... see what happens.
If you finally get some sex.. don't do the same positions, try something different, if you are the dominant, let her be it this time.
and good luck.
divorce has to be the LAST resource
2006-06-27 20:09:52 · answer #6 · answered by starvoyager8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
buy her 'the proper care and feeding of husbands' by laura schlesslinger. i know dr. laura can be a hardass, but she has very good points and she stands up for men like you who aren't treated right in their relationships.
i don't think you should divorce yet. it is wrong for her to withhold affection from you and make your life miserable. it makes your marriage feel loveless, doesn't it? so many women do this.
she may be offended at first that you buy it for her.tell her you love her and you want this marriage to work and just ask her to give the book a chance so she can see where you're coming from. tell her you want to provide for her and the kids and they are everything to you. you can even just leave the book lying around like in the bathroom by the toilet or something - i've heard of lots of frustrated husbands doing that. at first, their wives are really b!thcy and catty about it and then some of them get curious, start reading and then begin crying and try to make the marriage work. then again, some women refuse to open the book and further damage the relationship.
i hope i never put the man i marry through something like this. i'm determined not to. i somewhat understand your pain (as much as i can without being a married man). fact is, the woman plays a huge role in the happiness of marriage. just try to push her in the right direction.
god bless
2006-06-27 21:15:55 · answer #7 · answered by carlaerickson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is interesting to me that everytime I hear about this problem in a marriage, the man always thinks its about him. As a wife with kids, I can totally relate relate to how your wife feels. When one has been in mommy mode for so long, it is very difficult to jump into wife mode. Perhaps the kids overwhelm her. Are you helping her equally with their care? Or are you leaving all of the responsibility to her? I agree that counseling would not change anything. Are you good to your wife? Do you treat her the way she deserves to be treated as the mother of your children? Or do you yell at her because dinner is not ready on time, and the house is perfectly clean every day. A lot of what men say and do, or dont do, affects the way a wife views her husband. It can also change the way she feels about him. Over time, the romance factor is edged out...replaced by anger, hurt and lack of labido.
2006-06-27 23:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by hnterswidow1@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try realizing some things. Women are always fishing for compliments from you. You'll never realize it but they are ,so look for the things you love about her and tell her about them , but don't try to have sex with her yet , if you give her a few heartfelt compliments every day she will feel good about herself and become more attracted to you and if she knows you want her (and not just her sex, but it too)she will want you to want her more so she will do things to please you and make you notice her.You have to commit to compliment her often tho , i mean just think if she told you every day how awesome your sex was and one day she just stopped saying it wouldn't you start to wonder if you were good anymore?Well if you tell her how good her food(or whatever) and how beautiful she looks everyday and then you stop don't you think she'd feel bad? Whatever happens you shouldn't divorce her, for one you have children and you need to take responsibility , you had them and why would you be so selfish as to mess their lives up over the fact that your wife is stressed and doesn't really want sex. Second of all things will get better (specially if you take my advice) . 3rd of all you once loved her and if you love someone you never stop.
2006-06-27 20:11:46 · answer #9 · answered by Dita von Teese(i wish) 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in an almost identical situation. Been married for 6 years and have three wonderful children. My wife and i, before the kids, had a wild sex life that....well, fizzled out. She blames me...telling me that because i dont do what she wants, when she wants, that she is turned off. The honest answer to your question is honesty. Not just with your wife but with yourself. Get a sitter.....have them go upstairs and sit your wife down and lay all the cards on the table. Everything. leave no subject unturned...especialy the sex part. Find out from her perspective why the sex fizzled. Find out why she is unhappy and how she sees things. Talk it out for as long as you can. For as long as it takes. If after that things dont resolve themselves than you have to ask the question i still havent figured out. Do you stay married for the kids?
2006-06-28 01:49:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋