My wife cheated on me and I'm in Iraq what should I do?

Question

Well she admitted to cheating they didn't have intercourse but they did every thing up to that point. my hart is broke and I'm stuck in this shithole of a country I can't sleep and I feel sick over it their isn't any one I really trust to talk to out here I don't want to leave her but it makes me sick every time I think about what happened

Answer 1

ur in a war
u gotta gun
shut the mother f ucker that she cheated on u with
lol jk
divorce her a ss

Answer 2

Dude, I'm with you. But remember, when you put your heart out here on forums like this just expect of the typical 25 year old loser responses along with the rest.

There is nothing you can do about this right now. You are serving your country honorably and the people with any depth will support you and those with no sense of history (mainly the ignorant young liberals) will not.

You can easily toss them aside.

I would do this: Your girl was honest. Give her that much. How long have you been separated?

Remember, she's human. It's hell on her, too.

Ask yourself this honest question: If you had a chance out there to touch and be with a woman and feel that closeness, would you?

The answer is probably yes. We are creatures that must have touch and cannot go long without it.

At least she didn't have sex and she probably loves you very much. Forgive her. Try to forgive her once.

She probably deserves that and you don't need to be in hell anymore. You will return. The sun will shine again for you.

And there will come a time that you will not be tormented by this.

In the mean time, just listen to the evolved and the mature and filter out the kids.

My best to you now and always,

Jeff

Answer 3

You must feel so helpless and so vulnerable but you have more power than you think. Your wife remembers YOUR touch and YOUR smell. This other man means NOTHING to her. The very memory of the encounter will distress her because of the pain it caused you. I know this from personal experience.

The fact that she came clean indicates that this was a MISTAKE and not a pattern. I believe that people are allowed one mistake of this sort. If they are shook up enough by the pain they caused they will prepare themselves for lonliness, temptation, arguments with their spouse, and occasional, non-malicious neglect by their spouse. The other option is to negotiate a new arrangement with one's significant other. Marriage is a commitment to monogamy. We live in a country where no one forces us to marry or to stay married therefor, after an initial mistake, any further cheating is a grave disrespect to one's spouse and oneself. We make a commitment when we marry. To violate that is to violate our own integrity. Further, trust is one of the most delicate, precious gifts we can receive, what fool would not hold it carefully lest it break?

Be proud. Stand tall, soldier. Your wife respected you enough to honor you with the truth. Hold fast to that and to the fact that the memory of you stopped her, despite the momentum, from letting this guy inside of her. That is still your place. When you get home the two of you may want to attend couples counseling, even if for a few sessions, just to explore what you're both looking for from the marriage and to establish some sort of system to deal with the aftermath of this unfortunate incident. If you're concerned about privacy, go off base. Marriage and Family Therapists receive a training specific enough to equip them to deal well with your type of situ. Your other option is a book. Ask your wife to go out and find a good book on how couples heal after an infidelity. Have her buy two copies and send you one. This will help to open up a dialog between the two of you.

So, what I'm suggesting is that you don't brush it under the rug but deal with it head on and only then, forgive and FORGET. I mean don't refer to it again. That is what forgiveness is but do not try it until you are ready. You'll see when you get home that your wife is going to make it up to you, and then some!

Answer 4

Not only did she cheat on you, she had to tell you about it yet. And give you the details! Knowing that you're in Iraq, she should have kept her mouth shut until you came home. That would have been the time to discuss it, and try to work things out. She doesn't have much compassion, and that's very hard to deal with. I know it's going to be hard, but since you can't just fly home and try to straighten things out, you have to try and think about how you really feel about her now and decide what you must do when you get home.

Answer 5

I know, it hurts, it breaks a bond between you that you can never get back.... That was a very selfish thing for her to do especially you being over there....It happened to me too along time ago, after being married for 14 yrs, He made me feel very degraded but I realized that I was too good for that...and I didn't deserve it...and I deserved someone better that would treat me the way I should be treated.... like a human being not someone to disregard when they pleased... Time does heal and make you stronger ... and I actually thanked my X because I am getting married again to a wonderful man that has respect for me and himself.... Believe me, there is someone out there that will Love you and never even think of cheating on you, so give your self a chance to meet her..... Hold your head up and don't ever let anyone make you feel worthless, ...She is not worth it......Be proud,.... and hey, thanks for being over there!!!!!!

Answer 6

That is horrible and that is the last thing you needed to hear. Listen if she had the nerve to cheat on you while you are risking your life for her and the rest of us i would never trust her again. Their is no excuse for what she did and pathetic she had to tell you while you are still there....like you don't have enough on your mind.I know its hard but remember where you are...you cannot be distracted with this crap right now.Do what you have to then go home and deal with her.I really feel for you and hope for your safe return.

Answer 7

Well obvious the vows that the two of you shared did not mean anything to her. I can't tell you what to do but I can say that I would ask my family to go and make sure that she moved out of the house. And I would call her and her that right now you did not know how you felf but that you are not sure if your future has her in it. Tell her that you have to think really hard about what to do. Tell her that the vows that the two of you share meant more to you than her. And most important if you don't want your marriage to end, ask her if she wants to try to work this out. Meaning can she stay faithful to you from now on!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Well, I was n ur shoes @ one point...if she did what sh did,how do u now she wont do it again throughout ur tour in Iraq...yes,bein n an environment over there.can only hope 4 da best,but yet,this is killin u inside.its a typical military wife story.yes,i understand it's makin u sick.have u taken ur r& r,yet?if not,c what happens then.but right now,c if u can put this experience behind u 4 now.yes,i know its a shitty thing 2 say.but u gotta c it like dis....ur like millions of miles away...what can u do 2 her from dere?writin letters or callin...what is dat gonna do?im sure it'll have a conversation of bringing up what she had done.am i right or wrong?

Answer 9

ok, here is my view, get rid of her. Obviously her vows don't mean anything and what kind of b*tch tells you that stuff when you are putting your life on the line on a daily basis. I was a military wife for 10 years and I can't tell you how often that happens. Some women are cut out to be a military wife and some aren't, she isn't.

Answer 10

she made a mistake...everybody makes mistakes! If shes sorry and she really does love you..try to repair the relationship! You also have to think about it. Shes lonely just like you are. It makes you unhappy and sometimes you do things that you wouldnt normally do when you are in a relationship when your lonely. What she did was wrong and its up to you how you want to settle it! It also sounds like your playing around too with some of the questions you asked!

Answer 11

Sorry to hear about your problem.
First of all we all back here in the States are very proud of the job you guys are doing there. Myself, I am a veteran of Desert Storm and that was a cake walk compared to what you guys are doing now! I am very proud, as a veteran, of the work you guys arer doing and am indebted as a citizen of this wonderful country.
Now to the question:
I am in my 40's now and had spent 8 years in the Air Force. I too had to travel quite a bit and was away from my then wife and family. Unfortunately, like yourself, their was marital discourse as well (to include her affairs). The marriage was dissolved while still in. It was very painful especially being that I had to send my family away basically because the kids had to stay with her.
Being in the military is that best job but one of the hardest. Not only do you learn job skills and knowledge that will utilize the rest of your life but there will be times that your metal will be tested. Having said something that while you are where you are right now is redundant. But one thing is sure is that these tests will continue your whole life and it is up to you learn the discipline on how you react to them.
Being a part of the world's best military, you have been trained to face adversity and still keep focused on the job at hand. From day one in boot camp having to scub the latrine, you just did the job and said, "Yes Sir!" You focussed on those toilets and made them shine like you never thought a latrine could shine before! You put everything else aside because the only thing that mattered right then is to shine them toilets and that is all you needed to do!! That is a small example of how you were trained to do the most important job first, to concentrate on that primary target and them when that mission was accomplished and all goals met , and only after that, you thought about other things going on like family and friends back home.
Right now your marriage is in a difficult period. I have been through it, as well as multiples of other military bfamilies have too. What you need to do right now is to just take care of the mission on hand first, concentrate on the task at hand just like you concentrated on those toilets in bootcamp!! Things will eventually settle down and you will return to your base and home to take care of things. There are plenty of services for your wife to seek counselling --a Base Chaplin comes right to mind. Her job that she accepted as being a military wife is to take care of the home when you are away on duty. Though things are rocky now you still have to just let her do just that. You soldier -your job is to defend this wonderful nation's honor first --that is your job! Take care of the issue at hand and concentrate on that! You will have plenty of time to do something later after the latrine passes inspection first!