I have a bit of a dilemma...can you help me??(see details please)?

Question

I am a happily married mother of 2 beautiful little boys. I have been in love with my husband since high school. I can never imagine myself cheating on him. However, recently I am feeling attracted to someone I mEt online and he is also married. I don't think a relationship would ever be a possibility but I cannot deny that I am attracted emotionally to him;his personality, wit, and beautiful mind. I don't know what to do!HELP!!

It's not a relationship AT ALL...I don't think he even has a clue that I am attracted to him. I actually met him on here. I don't think we've even flirted.....I am just admiring him from a distance. As for the sex video; yeah that was me lol! No comment on the famous part though. I never said I want to leave my husband! And I am confused...duh...that's why I asked the question! However, I never said my husband and I aree having problems either. Sheesh!! I am just curious if I should pursue a friendship with this person or let it be? My husband is on tour for three months and I am on 'off' time right now. I get lonely and don't have a lot of friends.

You guys need to understand that I don't lead a 'regular' life, so to speak. My husband used to do groupies for the first 2yrs of our relationship....perks of the job lol! I'm not justifying cheating, I'm just saying you don't know my life or what it's like. Please keep up with my details if you're answering my questions before you judge me.

Answer 1

Honestly, I'm not a marriage counselor or even close to it. To me though, it sounds like maybe you and your husband aren't as connected on an emotional level if you ask me (which you did, haha). Maybe the reason you feel this way for someone else is because you've lost those feelings for your husband. I know it's hard, after marriage and two kids, but it's important to stay physically, emotionally, and mentally involved with each other. Just try things like going on dates with your husband. Try to reconnect with him and remember all of the reasons why you married him. Maybe your husband has a great personality, wit, and a beautiful mind also. Maybe you just need to remind yourself of it.

Answer 2

Well You Should Make Your Choice When You Know Who Stimulates More Aspects Of You. There Would Be No Attraction To This Other Man If Something Weren't Lacking In Your Relationship With Your Husband. You Should Find That Out And If Its Something That May Affect You As A Whole, Then See Is This Internet Man Isnt All Talk Then Get With Him.But Dont Risk A Reasonably Satsfying Marriage For Someone You Have Colorful Conversations With Freely.

Answer 3

You need to get away from the computer and start working on your present mate. A lot of people seem to be just great on the computer. Just like your husband seemed to be so tremendous. It is a downward spiral when you seek others. Work on learning to communicate and share with your husband. Discover new things with him. give him some more things to do with the children. Find new inexpensive things to do as a family. Say goodbye to this computer guy who most likely will turn out to be a disaster....ruining what you already have. You better prioritize your life and figure out where you want to be in the future. With 2 kids you are already committed to 18 years of providing the best that you can for your kids. Be a positive role model for them. If you run out or bounce around, they will do the same because they learned it from you. Straighten up and fly right. Get back on track. You thought getting married was the right thing to do so now why would you think some other guy would be better. Make better choices by giving all the thought it requires. What happens if you disrupt what you have and this new guy is not the Mr. Wonderful you counted on. Tell him goodbye. Tell your husband hello.

Answer 4

Okay, this is definitely a no-brainer. You're married! Everyone is tempted every once in a while, fact of married life. The secret *is* is not to act on those temptations. You say you love your husband, right? So why mess with it? On-line attractions don't last. Real love does. You got a good thing going and you question if you might be feeling something for someone else? No, you're not, you're truly not. You're feeling the rush of excitement and an adrenaline flow, thinking of the possibilities of cheating, but think farther ahead to the pain you can cause and then STOP whatever it is you're doing to rock your marital boat. If I could, I'd reach through the monitor and slap you silly. Never ever dump a "good thing" for a "what if...". Never.

Answer 5

Stop talking to him immediately... this relationship can only do harm. You're both married, and even though you haven't physically cheated you are mentally cheating on your husband and he on his wife. You are forming an emotional attachment to someone that is married, and unless this is some wild, uncontrollable passion that the two of you share, you need to get out now before you both get hurt. The only justifiable reason you should continue talking to this man is if you truly believe he is your soul mate, and you made the biggest mistake of your life marrying your husband. Plus, for the sake of argument, say that down the road you end up leaving your husband for this guy... what is that going to do to your children? And what if you leave and this new guy doesn't, even though he promised that he would? That is usually how it works out, men rarely leave their wives and children behind for someone new. Instead they want to have their cake and eat it too... a wife at home and a girlfriend on the side. You need to stomp these feelings into the ground, get off the computer, and make love to your husband. Tell him you need some extra affection right now. Maybe your not getting what you need at home, and that's why this relationship has even developed in the firs place.

Answer 6

Feelings of attraction or the excitement of meeting someone new is not an uncommon phenomenon. What you have to do is step back and try to analyze why it is that this person is so appealing to you. It may not be simply a physical attraction, especially since you've met this fellow online. Are you drawn to him because he is a good listener? Because he is creative or has a special skill that you admire? Once you've pinpointed what the core reason is for your attraction (emotional, anyway) try to see if this somehow relates to an area of your marriage that you'd like to improve. For example, if your husband is very kind and caring and good with the children, but doesn't often have time to sit down with you to ask you about your day, perhaps you are seeking this time with someone else - another ear, another mind - someone to appreacite you. Once you've considered things like that, you can go forward to try and strengthen or address those things in your marriage that can be made stronger. As long as it is clear to the online friend that your intentions are platonic, and that you value him as a friend, it shouldn't be a problem to talk to him occasionally. You could benefit from some introspection about this in general, though, so step back and try to see what your true reasons are.

Answer 7

I am happily married and have felt the same once, ok, twice. It got to be something I thought about all the time.all-the-time.
If you heard that, it should tell you that something was wrong at the time w me and hubby and I/we didnt realize it. Then "the other guy" was enough to keep me from figuring things out and working on it. A distraction. A common distraction.
You now know that you are happily married and attracted to another man. The two cant coexist in your life without you, hubby and marriage,and your innocent children suffering in the end.
So you said you dont know what to do. Sorry...its gonna hurt but the IntermetGuy has to go. Period. Completely.
Turn back to your hubby. Open up communication with him, maybe he feels something isnt right too. Only you 2 can figure it out. You mentioned your 2 beautiful boys. You know the answer before you posted it. Who in their right mind is going to tell you to "go for it" even knowing that much.
Happy marriages aren't that way by luck. It requires dedication to treat your marriage with kid gloves, to respect yourself, husband and family.
The only peace you will get is when your online friend is part of your past. Really. I know.
Whatever you say in your email to him, delete any answers before you read them, if you take that route.
If you dont, this might be the first in a long line of problems w you and your husband and one day you'll be in front of a counselor with so many hurts between you, you wont know where to start.
Oh, BTW, husband WILL find out-eventually. And if its 10 years from now that he finds out and you tell him it was nothing, its going to hurt as if he was to find out today.
You mentioned so many reasons not to pursue a relationship with this guy, I'm wondering if the help you asked for was how to end it with the guy.
Just say good-bye. And nope, you cant "just be friends". OBVIOUSLY
Sorry...........................................................................................

Answer 8

Honey, this is how affairs get started. Most people do not intend for anything to happen. They love their husband/wife, and would never imagine cheating or anything other than marital bliss forever. Then you find a guy who fills a void that you didn't even know you had. He is filling some emotional needs for you to be sure. In a sense, there is nothing wrong with that. If you discover things about yourself that you weren't learning before, good for you. But you need to talk to your husband about the emotional needs. Put effort into the marriage. IF you find yourself on line all the time chatting with Mr. Beautiful Mind, and not talking to your husband so much anymore, back off and tell Mr. Husband that you want to spend some fun time and mind time with him. Whatever you are doing on line, see if you can duplicate that with him. This may not come easily.

If it doesn't come at all after some effort, you will have to decide if you can continue to be fully committed to the love of your life even though he can't quite fulfill this need you seem to have right now. Things may change later but he is who he is. You can't change him. Just be open with him, encourage him, and give him the energy you are tempted to give to a stranger on line.

The stranger on line may be good at filling the emotional needs you are sensing but he is probably pretty shitty at most everything else you need in a man. After all, how did he get so much free time to talk on line, married as he is?

There is nothing wrong with having other adult friends ... just save the best you have for your marriage. If he simply can't do all you need - and what man can? - I think it is fine to get positive vibes from other adult friendships. Just keep it all in perspective.

Answer 9

i think that you either need to stop talking to this internet guy (as fun as it seems) or go for some counseling. i think if you can talk it out with someone (counselor), then you can find the root of your problem. perhaps you need to spice things up with your husband, in or out of the bedroom. take some time off together and leave the kids with a sitter (ie: trip, nice dinner, date, etc.). find the things that first attracted you to your husband and do things you used to do (ie: dinner at a restaurant you went to way back when, rent a movie you both liked, etc.). i don't see a need to give up on a HAPPY marriage when there are so many UNHAPPY, MISERABLE, ABUSIVE, etc. marriages out there. i think you might just be bored and need some attention. i definitely recommend not talking to this other man anymore though. it doesn't seem like a good idea and it will only hurt your family.

Answer 10

I'm sure it is easy to get caught up on someone you meet on line. You only get one aspect of their personality. Not to menting, it is so easy to kick back and chat away when you are not face to face. If you just intend to keep it as an online friend, I think that would be ok as lone as both parties understand the boundaries... I think the ananimity of the forum is why it may seem wrong... Remember that words typed on a computer are not and never should be a substitution for the person that you love. Some times I think it is helpful to me as a person to have an avenue of communication that is not judged, edited, or scrutinized. I think that is why I keep coming back to this site.

Always remember to be good to yourself and those you love!

I have noticed that you have not been around in a few days, I hope this isn't due to this.... Alot of us here enjoy your Q&A's
peace :-)