first of all, i am totally against drinking & driving. my husband just got home from his friends house drunk. i know one of his friends forced him to drink. all of his friends are 3rd class loosers. most of them are married, but are cheating on their wives. i feel like his friends are going to brainwash him, & then he'll start cheaing on me too. I've already talked to him about how his friends irritate me. He doesn't seem to care. I really want him to stop talking to them for good. my husband is too dumb to think for himself, instead he lets his friends to the thinking for him. what should i do? I hate his friends soooo much.
2006-06-27 16:09:30 · 9 answers · asked by Cali03 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You may not realize it now, but you are getting into a cycle that is very difficult to break... one where you become the adult, and your husband is a child. Not fun.
Bottom line: you're not going to change him.
The only thing you can say (using the "I" word only) is how this upsets you. (you might try counseling-- it can work wonders.)
You think right now that if you just yell loud and long enough, you'll be able to get him to do what you want him to do.
Okay. Well, how's that working for you?
Take the steps you need to take to become independent. It will make you feel better about yourself... and it very well change the dynamic in your marriage so that you're not the mean grown up who won't let him play with his "wittle fweinds."
Take the hate you feel for the friends, and channel it into other energy--yourself!!
Good luck. And let us know how it goes.
2006-06-27 16:33:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight. You think he's "too dumb to think for himself", and yet you STILL married him? I'm thinking he's not the only brain-cell challeneged person in this equation.
Also, no one can "make" someone drink unless they physically hold him down and pour the liquor/beer down his gullet. He chose to drink and drive. Which is wholly irresponsible and immensely STUPID. But put the blame where it should be...squarely on your husband's shoulders.
If your husband chooses to hang out with these losers, there probably isn't a whole lot you can do other than nag at him. Which isn't necessarily the best way of communicating with a spouse.
Maybe just set some ground rules for when he elects to swim in the gutter with these freaks. No drinking and driving, no girls, etc. That way, it's a compromise. You both get a little of what you want and a little of what you don't.
2006-06-27 16:18:42 · answer #2 · answered by Bob S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, his friends didn't pour the beer down his throat, so he was not forced to drink. He did it because he wanted to do it. The more you knock his friends, the less you will see of him. He's trying to be "a man" and his buddies thinking drinking and running around is cool. Driving home drunk is NOT cool. Make sure you have his life insurance paid up. Why not ask if he and you can go out to gether to a club or something? Be willing to doll yourself up and I'm sure you'll look alot better than is buddies.
When he is in a loving and sober mood, tell him how all of this childish behavior irritates you.
2006-06-27 16:14:51 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a grown man. No one forced him to drink. Can someone make you drink? I would think you knew some of this about him before you married him. So now you just have to deal with it. My husband is the same way. Has no license right now for his second DUI. He gets stupid when he drinks. But I knew this when I married him. I thought I could change him, I can't. No one will change until they want to. You can't make them. But he knows that if he drinks and drives again, he loses me forever. He hasn't drove drunk in 10 months now.
2006-06-27 16:18:06 · answer #4 · answered by dkhae1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do know that no one can force your husband to drink.
I doubt he will stop talking to his friends. Have you thought of counseling? You want him to have friends (maybe not these friends) to do things with.
He is making bad decisions but he is the one making them. You did tell him how you felt about his pals, he just isn't listening.
2006-06-27 16:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by Elizabeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all these things bothered you so much why did you marry him in the first place. And how do you know they all cheat on their wives? You have no poof excpet what other people say and those are probably lies.
2006-06-27 16:13:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
holy ****...your husbands friends made him drink...did they hold him down, pour it down his throat? Your trying to control your husband...think you'll start beating on him soon, when you don't get your own way? My opinion is that you shouldn't say your husband is dumb cause sweetie, you don't seem that "bright" yourself...
2006-06-27 17:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did u marry a loser. And don't say it started after the wedding.
2006-06-27 16:21:44 · answer #8 · answered by letmesurpriseu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him meet my ex gf, she was the same way, she doesnt drink, she just lets everyone do her thinking, the wrong ones ofcourse
2006-06-27 16:17:52 · answer #9 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋