Well, needless to say, we have been together since the first day that we had met each other in Yokohama Japan 6 years ago. We were married 3 years ago in 2003. Well, currently she has this other guy in her life and no matter what I say, she protects him. He is by far a lesser man, he is a grip boy at the movie sets and I'm a grunt / lawyer type. Ok, so he might be fun, older then I and well, he is not better looking. Well, she has had sexual intercourse with him that I know about. She doesn't understand you can't hide. I deal with liars on a daily basis. She constantly runs away to him, leaves me alone and wondering if I should follow her and when I get there call some thugs to take him out. I don't think it's worth it. So, what should I do? Leave her or keep her? That's the question. Financially she won't be able to support herself so that is mainly my biggest worry. Thanks.
2006-06-27 15:57:19 · 11 answers · asked by zipperz41 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, boring office day, so I did file the paperwork for divorce and she most likely won't get anything.
2006-06-27 16:08:29 · update #1
This is a decision only you can make.
However, her financial situation should not enter in to your decision. She is a big girl. She can provide for herself if she has to. Heck, McDonalds pays like 10 bucks an hour. Whenever she made the decision to cheat, whether she thought through it or not, she had to have some idea of what the consequences might be.
Next issue: It isn't about who is the better man, the better looking man, the guy that makes more money, the dude that has morals, ethics, an education, etc.. Cheating on ones spouse is not a rational decision. You are speaking in rational terms. She is not behaving in a rational manner. If she was, she would have left you, filed for divorce, took care of her life business, etc. before pursuing the relationship. Women and men leave better partners every day for lesser ones. Why? I don't know. Honestly, would a good man be hooking up with another dudes wife? If a cheating wife was thinking rationally, would she want to be with a guy that would participate in an affair? You know the answers. Bottom line, her cheating on you with him has nothing to do with him being better than you.
If you are telling the truth in your post, I assume you are, you are a smart man. The last thing you want to do is inflict any violence. I am guessing you just threw that out there to convey how upset you are with the situation. I say that because I don't want you to think I am insulting your intelligence. Although that dude is way in the wrong, your wife is the one that owes her fidelity to you so placing the blame/pain on him is displacing it off of her. She is the one that hurt you. SHe is the one that promised her fidelity to you, not him. He is just some dumb dude. She is your primary problem, not him.
Finally, and most importantly, if and when this affair was or is to end, would you be able to totally forgive your wife? Could you let this hurt, pain, betrayal, nightmare go? Could you give her your 100% trust? Could you not hold this against her? at all? I mean, for the rest of your life, whenever you all argue, fight, etc. could you go without bringing this up and slamming her for the horrible pain that she has caused? As horrible as what she is doing is, it would not be fair for either one of you to have to relive this horror and harbor the pain for the rest of your lives. It would make both of your lives miserable, I assume. Will you always, in the back of your mind, wonder when she is going to do it again?
I wish you luck buddy. It is a horrible situation. Unless one has experienced it, he or she has no idea how devistating it is.
2006-06-27 16:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by Cing 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The biggest things in a relationship are honesty, communication and respect. Now, of these three which are lacking in your relationship?? A relationship should be 50/50. You should care what each other think, and talk about the issues that bother you. If she is not caring what you think then she is lacking respect for you. I'm sure she would not be happy if you were with another woman all the time (not a suggestion). If you have issues with her, talk to her and if she's not honest or just doesn't care what you feel or think about the situations at hand, then you know where you stand. I am not one for divorce, but at the same time you take your vows for a reason. Marriage is supposed to be sacred and loving...
2006-06-28 00:21:58 · answer #2 · answered by niknaack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, LEAVE HER. firstly, you seem so caring and loving. You don't even deserve her sorry a**. Cheating in a relationship is a big "no-no." I consider it "illegal." It definitely seems as if she doesn't care about the relationship anymore, and if she's not trying then why should you? I know it must hurt to end a relationship, but like i said you don't deserve this crap. You make some money you can support yourself, who needs her? She needs to be independent. Maybe the grip boy can support her, but who cares? Like I told my husband, if I ever even found out that he even kissed another girl (while we're married)...I will definitely file for divorce...NO QUESTIONS ASKED. You say they already had sex, don't wait any longer.
2006-06-27 23:41:20 · answer #3 · answered by Cali03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She cheated on you? Isn't that grounds for divorce? Kick her to the curb. Is spousal support the issue here? As a lawyer you probably earn a comfortable living. Really, who care's if she can support herself. She threw away your marriage vows for care, support, love, whatever, when she had sex with that other guy, hell when she started turning to someone else for companionship. Get rid of her, let that other guy worry about her. Don't bother roughing up that other guy, the great karmic wheel spins and if your spouse is as much of a piece of filth as you suggest, then he'll get his soon enough.
2006-06-27 23:07:49 · answer #4 · answered by practical thinking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude... She's *BOINKING* another man!!!
Kick her cheating *** to the curb - and don't worry, grips make some good $$$ - they also live a gypsy lifestyle and are always leaving to go someplace else to shoot a film - AND they party like hell!!! So chances are that he's Banging some other chick or chicks - which is another reason to leave your wife, before she passes on whatever STDs she's picked up from him!!!
Good Luck, Bra!
Aloha!
2006-06-27 23:09:30 · answer #5 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. She made the decision to end the marriage when she chose the other man. Good for you for standing up and doing what had to be done.
2006-06-27 23:35:25 · answer #6 · answered by sarahanndl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if you love her ask her to stop seeing him and work things out, but if she is like most people who cheat, she wont stop for long. No one deserves to be cheated on, she already admitted to sleeping with him, and she runs to him everytime the two of you disagree..i think you need to face whats happening and realize you deserve more. Good luck..K
2006-06-27 23:04:09 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave her. if she loved and respected you she wouldn't be with the other man. She chose to date him, so you shouldn't worry about whether or not she can afford to be on her own.
2006-06-27 23:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by dkhae1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so what if she cant afford to take care of herself,shes cheating on you....treating you like a piece of crap. have some backbone and respect for yourself, get rid of her.
2006-06-27 23:04:40 · answer #9 · answered by thepainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave her dude, shes lower than a lawyer
2006-06-27 23:10:08 · answer #10 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋