Having marriage and problems with her family?

Question

I am 37 male my wife 33. we have been married for 2 months. we have been together for 11 months but broke up for a month. Her family didnt like me because of some things that happened. But they use to love me. Now we are married and they finally started talkling to their daughter again. Tom. my wife goes in for surgury, and im scared and dont know what to do. For example her sister asked my wife why is he going? Stupid ? but hey each to their own. Anyways after surgury my wife is going to her moms and I am not allowed there. Should I be hurt or am I over playing this.I love my wife very much, but its like im always second or third. I know I have alot to do with it, but is it fair. Should it be this way. Or should a husband come first. I know she should right now thru surgury and this shouldnt be about me and her family now it should be about her. But things like the sister said isnt right. Help me please. im losing faith and hurting inside. Thank you

Answer 1

It doesn't matter whether you have been married for 2 days, 2 months or 2 years, you are her husband and must be at her side through everything thick and thin.
You need to have your wife talk to her family about the situation. She needs to tell them how it is. She can not let them control your marriage or it will fall apart.
If your wife must go to moms after surgery then make sure she has her talk with them before she goes. You not being there will only make them and her think that you realy don't care.
They are disrespecting her as well as you by not letting you see her. Make sure you tell that to your wife.
The past is the past!
My husband and I have had a hell of a marriage. The first couple years were the worst. My family felt the same about him as well as his family not liking me for a time.
That of course came from us venting and complaining about our problems to them.
After time and alot of confronting everything worked out happily.

Answer 2

Nobody is ever good for their daughters no matter what has happened. I think things should be all about your wife right now and after she is well, then I would have a talk with her parents and let them know that you are in for the long haul and you will not be put on the back burner. You married your wife the family just comes along with it. Tell you wife you intentions with her family and she will more than likely back it up or at least give you some pointers on how to handle the situation. Her parents have been married they know what in-laws are like, they might not respect you know but they will after you stand up for urself.

Answer 3

First off: What a freaking horrible position for you wife to be in. Seriously dude, she has to be torn apart.

Second: You shouldn't be offended that she wants her mommy to care for her post surgery. Everyone likes the comfort of their mommy if they are sick, right? It is just a messed up situation since you aren't welcome around there.

3rd: You are not out of line for your feelings to be hurt by the way her family treats you and the things that they say. That is horrible. It is absolutely crazy for a family to treat an inlaw like that. If their daughter loves you enough to marry you, then they should get past whatever it is that is the issue

4th: You must have messed up bad! I don't know what you did, since you didn't share it, but whatever it is...it must be freaking horrible! It has to be over the top bad. What could you have possible done to make them all hate you so much. Furthermore, if whatever you did was so bad, how the heck did you get your wife to forgive you and marry you?

5th: How did you get married through all of this? From your statement, you dated over a 9 month period, in which one month you 2 were broke up, then you got married, and have only been married for 2 months?

I don't know dude. Doesn't sound like you had a long enough time to build good will with the family. What does your wife say about all this? Why does she allow her family to treat you like this? What does your family think about all of this? How do they treat her?

Back to the matter at hand: My wife and I had been together for 5 years, married 2, whenever she tore her acl and had to have surgery. I get along great with her family. I am a good husband...all of that. However, she wanted her dad to be with us the first night after she came home from surgery. She is daddy's little girl. It kinda hurt, because I felt a little inadequate or something, but, looking back, it was just her being daddy's little girl. Her dad and I ordered pizza, got some beer, some friends came to visit, she slept and it was all good. Girls are silly like that. Heck, my mom had to have some surgery quite a few years ago, and her and my dad had been married for like 20 years at the time (still are, 30 some now)...I mean the best relationship you could imagine...but, after surgery, she, and I...since I was young and my dad worked...went to my grandparents house. My grandma didnt work and could wait on her and stuff. Girls are just silly like that.

We dudes are just different.

Long story short: You are not making too big of a deal of this. Understand why she wants her family as part of the recovery process, beyond that, it is wrong. Let your wife slide on this. It isn't that you are second in this situation, it is just that she wants her family to baby her, which is cool. Beyond that, you gotta figure out a way to fix the family situation. Her family is messed up if they quit talking to her because she married you. That is not right, no matter what you did. Once again, you must have messed up bad, it may take some time. Give it time, and show with actions, not words that whatever you did won't happen again. Eventually, the relationship has to get better...if it doesn't, you have huge problems!

Answer 4

This is the result of your having the short break up and your wife telling her family all the bad things you did. Your wife is just that, your wife. That you may not go to her families house to see her after surgery is flat out wrong. Before this happens she need to have the understanding that you will be visiting. If her family will not allow you in they need to understand that when the recovery is over and she moves home they are off your list and will stay that way. That also includes visits with your wife. It is unfortunate that her family have chosen to fight with you. What did you do to cause this? You are 100% correct. It is about her and she does not need to be involved in a family vs. husband fight right now.
The best case for you is she comes home for recovery and they come to visit. At least then its your house and hers. It sounds like they are very controlling. Good Luck on this one.

Answer 5

I don't think it's wrong for you to feel the way you feel. Of course you should come first ur her husband. I think it's about time u put ur foot down. U need to make it clear to her family that u love your wife and ur goin to be there for her no matter what they have to say about it. I also think u need to explain to ur wife how u feel, because she needs to kno that ur feelin disrespected. Of course she loves and needs her family. But just because you guys are married that doesn't mean she has to cut them out of her life. Your wife needs to be a lil more forceful wit them as well, by tellin them "this is my husband now, I love him and if u love me then ur gonna have to learn to respect my husband and accept the fact that this is who I chose to spend my life with". If that doesn't work then maybe it's time to tell her family to stay out of your lives. They may think their doing the right thing for her, but the uncaring way that they handle it is only goin to make matters worse. Which will eventually cause problems between you and ur wife. Sometimes u have to demand respect from ppl. You made a mistake,u may have hurt their daughter and made them feel like u can't be trusted. but u shouldn't be treated like you don't matter. You and your wife have your own lives to live. you don't owe them anything. the only thing u can do is be there for your wife and show her that u will be the husband she deserves.

Answer 6

well,let me tell you I'm 33 and my husband turns 38 tomorrow,but we been having a lot of prombles to and it is the same with both sides of our families .but that is very wrong of her mother to take your wife over her house and you not allowed over there that's wrong .that's your wife you have more say so then the mother do ,because yall are now one .all i can say is you need to try to sit down and have a good talk with your mother in-law and ask her if you can come to her house to help take care of your wife,because now is the time to put yall differences asides.please pray and stay true to good.

Answer 7

Despite whatever reason her fam has for not liking you, they need to get over it. If your wife has forgiven you or whatever, thats all that matters. This woman chose to be with you and she is YOUR WIFE. You need to be there for her and help her as much as you can after her surgery. They may get mad, but the best thing you can do is tell the sister and whoever else. to shove it

Answer 8

If your wife is able, let her tell her family she is staying home to recover and if they would like to help her at your own home, please encourage them to do so. AND tell her to tell them why. YOU ARE HER HUSBAND...and yes, you should come first. You be willing to take care of her with or without the support of her family. She should insist you be allowed in her mothers house if she chooses to stay there. That's just plain wrong. You come first.

Answer 9

Husbands and wives should come first to each other. She needs to realize that you are her family and you should be number one. It should be made clear to her family that if they don't accept you, they lose her. I would take some flowers and go see your wife. If they don't like it, too bad.

Answer 10

I think you should visit YOUR WIFE at the inlaws and if they say something ,boy do they have alot of nerve, just make sure your wife ears about it