Can you help me in decideing..?

Question

There are things on which no body has any control, especially our lives. Most of the times we think that we are in control, but the control always remains in hands of somebody -- something -- we can't even explain properly. Before you reach any conclusion, lets get the picture very clear. That factor could be out circumstances, our own reflexes and ability.

I have been going down the road of depression, and I was getting pleasure in staying sad. I started demeaing myself. instead of thinking what I can be, I focussed on what I could have been. There lies all misery, I dedicated my emotions to wrong causes. This realisation came to me after some incidents. There were some people towards I had been very dedicated and did things which were within my reach, helped them when tide was high. But when it came to them, I noticed they didn't have even some seconds to spare for me. They enjoyed the company of those who are fairweather friends.

There is no belief, there is no reason, this is in black and white. They want to have their good time with others, and they used me when they needed help. This may sound little rude to them, but this will also make them realise how dissapointed I am in them. They should have had enough courtesy, if not feeling of friendship, to give me what I deserved. I would wait for them for meal but they would join others. I couldn't have been more humiliated ever.

Let me get somethings very clear. The reason why I was dedicated to the people close to me is not that I was needy. I have a history, there was a girl in my life Freya, whom I liked very much, but due to my doubtful nature I hacked her friends e-mail account and that literally hurt her. Our two years old relationship came to an end. She was my ideal, my guide. I could't give anything to Freya, except pain. It took me 8 months to recover that break, and after that I became very protective of the girls in my life. I began to take extra care of them to make sure if I am around they shouldn't have a wrinkle of worry on her forehead and there were only few close friends which include Pooja, Manisha and two more (whose names I can't disclose), but my over protective and supportive nature was taken as my wekness and instead of getting equal respect I became a doormat to them, if there was any need ... Swapnil was called in, but when it came to have some fun, Swapnil was left out.

I didnt mind it as long as they were happy, but it was killing me from inside, the burden of Freya was getting me. And I was trying to compensate it by helping out others and making sure that if I was around they shouldn't worry. But this attitude of mine did more damage than good. People started thinking that I was needy, pathetic looser.

And I went so far down the road to self-evaluation that I lost self esteem. I became a dootmat to those few people. But, as the ravalation had to come, it came. A past even awaken me, and made me stand infront of mirror. When I looked at myself, I saw a sad, dissapointed man who didn't have the courage to look up. The hero within me had died. And I also saw those people for whom I devoted hours enjoying their lives oblivious of my presence, and I thought, these were the people for whose good I have been thinking all day and night, and now look at them they don't have a minute for me. But, it didn't get wasted. I have learnt more lessons.

Despite this, I will not leave the attitude of assisting others, there still are genuine people out there. Who will stand with you in good and bad.

But, now onwards I will be different. I have cried enough tears, I have waited too long. I am breaking the self of self emulation. No more self distruction. Now, its time for self-recreation. More than needing a partner I need a path, more than waiting for her, I need to walk. For I know she is waiting halfway down the road to my dreams, road that leads me to the land of success that I always dreamt of. Now, I am falling in love with myself, for I want to offer my girl the best man in this world. While I am arond, no one can hurt me, no one can humiliate me, no one can take advantage of me, for I will be watching every move I make.

One thing more, from now onwards I will not waste a single moment on those who dont have a minute for me.

Is MY STAND CORRECT??

Read my experiences at my blog:
http://swapnil.blog.co.uk

Answer 1

WOW...very well said. Lets start with ur first part..ok?
You are wrong about no one has control of our lives, this & that, ok. God gave you life..you are just not living it right, right now. You are lost in the ways of the world or the things around you.
Life is what we make it to be, you can be with someone or without the people you are speaking of. If & when you dedicated your emotions to the wrong things, thats your fault. Not the folks u r talking about, u let them get in the way or you let that become your excuse. When we help someone out, thats a good thing. No matter what we have to go through, God remembers that..you know the person that gave you life!!! Helping is what u should do, IF they hurt you tell them about it, dont hurt yourself over it or let it get in the way of your day to day living. Yes, I know it may be hard..but Im getting the feeling that you are weak right now.
LET ME TELL YOU THIS...when we are weak...satan is the one that comes into your life and makes you stand in front of that mirror and think bad things and see nothing good about YOU.
Life is to short to be putting yourself through this.
GIRLS: NO, you should have not have gotten in the email. But she could have given you a break, unless she was hiding something...who knows...us woman (girls) are crazy sometimes.
She should have let it be if she liked you that much...
I am going to tell you no your standing WRONG!!!!
Lets go back in time abit...Jesus did for everyone, only a few did for him. No matter what...he was thier for them ALL..just like he is now today if people would just give thier lives to him or give him a chance!!!!!
Most say how can you believe in something you can not see...If you just gave it a though, you will see, if you just pray, you will findout, I would say you really need to think about this all in another way.
And most important, dont give up on them, just dont let them take advantage of you. Tell them!
They say, "If you write it down, it no longer belongs to you"
Write them..let them know, but most of all give it to God!!!
Dont give up on yourself..ok. Stay in there, take care & God Bless

Answer 2

sweeoosh.....that was long, but I read it.
Ok, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of depression. Depression is like a voyage, it feels bad but the good part is it can be very cleansing for the soul when it is over. It makes you evaluate your life, how people see you and how you see yourself. This was a lengthy article you wrote, but I'm sure a very small example of the thoughts running through your head. You are doing some soul searching right now.
Depression, out of love, rejection, loneliness is sort of like this: picture you are going through a dark tunnel, you don't know where it will end or when it will end. Some people become lost in this tunnel, they have lost hope that they would ever find their way out of it and they attempt to kill themselves. They don't believe there is an exit when in fact there is, because they lost sight of the tiny light in the distance. Eventually, it will end. You will find the way out but it helps to keep your eye always on that little light and don't stop believing it is there.
You are on a journey to find your way out. But know this from millions of others, including myself, who can tell you: there is an exit. And when you come out, you will be a new person in some way. A part of you has died, but now you have grown and have experienced and you are a better person for it. Because hopefully you will have learned something. I'm wishing for you that you find your exit out of your dark tunnel soon.
If it persists, you have paranoia, social anxiety or other disorders, it helps sometimes to just go on some meds to help take the edge off of life and the obsessive thoughts. Maybe zoloft can help you. If you don't like taking drugs, I don't blame you. sometimes it's beneficial to experience your pain like the rest of us did at some point, it is part of growing up.

Answer 3

i have read and i am glad that you are taking depression from your life and looking to find a "new" you. Although, I have a question..If you dont take the time for others how do you know they will or will not return the favor? And I have those that dont give us the greatest life lessons.

Keep smiling and keep reaching for the stars. Keep Following the positive points. I did and I went from depression and abusive relationship to my dreams come true.

Answer 4

frequently it's the toughest determination to make. You suppose like you're deciding upon among them even supposing you don't seem to be. take a seat down and speak to either one of them and spot if you'll determine plan with the intention to enable you to stick at each areas up to viable. If you cannot do this then make a record of the professionals and cons of each and every condo then appear at each and every record and spot which condo is a bigger are compatible.

Answer 5

you are a good man in thinking of your friends and not your self but even a better man for finally remembering to think of you too

in modderation my friend you can not save all the people you meet but being a friend dose not mean being a doormat if you start the conversation wait for a response if not move on life dose not stand still and you are on the right tract i love that you feel this way it took me along time to figure it out myself but it gives me hope to think that im not the only one who has lost herself too others that did not even care who i was just that i could be usefull sometime and not mentioned latter like you i have shed the people in my life that do nopt respond to me as i talk to them keep up the good wok man and dont loose your belief
even though you say this is not a belief but it is its a belif in yourself and your seelf worth
megga props to you for finding that you are worthy of a friend as well as being one good luck to you in finding the people who will count you in life too

Answer 6

Yes. Your stand is correct. Never let someone else decide how you feel. Love them, don't resent them, but that doesn't mean you want to associate with them.

Your ability to look honestly at yourself is rare and valuable. I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

Wow, you made me cry! In ways, I am like you also! The same has happened with me and my friends. They just used my goodness and when i needed them, they were no where in sight! I look up to God for strength. This has helped. Maybe you should try it! It will work!

Answer 8

It sounds like you are not very assertive and completely over analytical. You are putting way too much weight on meaningless events. Relax and do not expect anything from any one. Most of all get over it.

Answer 9

It sounds like the healing has begun. Remember, the scabs will still bleed if you pick at them, so just leave them alone.

Be well, do good work, and stay in touch.

Answer 10

OH MY FKIN' WORD ,
You said it perfectly!!!! THat is EXACTLY how I feel. I'm DONE being a doormat for a bunch of FCKIN' a$$wipes who don't know their a$$ from their elbow. Such ungreatful FOOLS.
No friendship from them NONE from me. I'm finding MYSELF screw them, I'll say hi shoot the sht,but thats as far as it's going.

Feel the same way!!!