My husband and i have been together for 8 years. We have three kids 5 and under and due any day with our fourth. I am 24 will be 25 this week. He is 27. He has became so distant in the last 6 months. I have caught him flirting with other girls and calling them behind my back. He went to rehab and I found out he was trying to "hook up" with 2 of them. I am not sure what he meant by "hooking Up" but that is what I found out. I thought things were good and we were pretty happy. i am an attractive girl with alot going for me. I am in college full time but right now I do it from home since I am pregnant. I s try to give him and the kids all my attention. I do everything to make him happy, but now it seems he is not happy. He told me the other night he wants to leave, because he feel she didnt; get the chance to mess with alot of girls in his life. We got ot gether when I was 17. I am so terrified that we are going to split up. I don't knwo what to think or do????
2006-06-27 14:04:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can hardly imagine you having 3 kids ages under 5 and your no 4 is on the way..... I admire your capability but it seems your ability to raise them is beyond your control. The lack of 'freedom' in your husband shows that he is still youthful and wants the best in his world. His responsibility is zero and committment to you is just for the moment of fun. I know that this harsh words maybe hurtful but just want you to wake up and stop pinning high hope to someone who do not deserve your trust and love.... release him and focus on your 4 innocent lives whom you had brought into this world. Remember, they dont deserve the pain but LOVE......
2006-06-27 14:32:45 · answer #1 · answered by Priscilla N 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Theres no sure fire answer to win back the affections of another, no one can control free will, so all you can control is how to take care of yourself and your children and hope for the best that he'll come back around. Best advice is dont smother him, trying to hold on to someone that doesnt want to be held on to only makes it worse, so although u feel scared and emotionally strained, best thing you could do at this point is put it all on him, sit with him, and say ok, you think your wanting out..so lets discuss this, start showing him on paper what life with out you and the kids means, find the strength in yourself and through your kids to be strong .. If he really wants out, then nothing you can do or say will make him change his mind.. if he's just confused, maybe he just needs a reality check...id go to a divorce lawyer one that does free 1st appt. and get something like a guideline for visitation or childsupport something to prove u really were there, and spook the hell out of him.. Seems to be human nature when people are just confused about what they want that if they are thinking they want out, then the other doesnt feed into it emotionally they start panicing.. would be worth the try.. You deserve better then a wishy / washy little boy (because a real man doesnt leave their family) and no matter what happens, remember your children are watching how you handle this and they need you to be strong for them and a good role model and obviously your husband isnt the best of role models cause all he's doing is teaching his kids, that having sex with other women is more important then his family.. Be strong either way u will surive..
2006-06-27 21:28:45 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at your situation in many different angles first of all. Did you originally get married because you were pregnant or because you truly loved each other? Was he just trying to do the right thing at the time? If he really loves you he will be open to trying to fix the marriage. Suggest going to counseling whether it is professional or through your church.
You have to admit having three children and one on the way does add stress to the relationship, and with you being in college your daily life most likely doesn't allow for a lot of one on one time.
I am a divorced with two children myself, so i know how hard it is to sort this out. In the end only you can make the right decision. Just remember staying married just for the children can sometimes be more damaging in the long run.
2006-06-27 21:24:03 · answer #3 · answered by drgnfly1012 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is trying to justify the fact that he is either cheating or thinking about it. Either way you need to set some boundaries. You said he has been to rehab is he acting out? Here is some general information on setting boundaries:
Boundaries
What are boundaries? How do I set a boundary? How do I enforce a boundary?
Boundaries are like protective fences we put in place to protect ourselves. They are NOT meant to punish, manipulate, coerce, threaten or scare other people. We must decide what our own personal needs are, and then we can set up personal boundaries. It is saying "I will not... It is not saying "you may not...." For example: "I will not stand here and listen to you talk to me that way" is a boundary because you can get up and leave the room, thus ending the negative talk. "Don't talk to me that way" is not, because you can't make someone stop talking in a certain way. In the same way, we can't make our husbands stop doing any of the things they do. We can only change how we respond to those things.
Some people confuse an ultimatum with a boundary, but a boundary is very different. An ultimatum is used to try to force someone to do something. A boundary makes no demands on anyone. We take responsibility for our needs and the only one responsible for meeting those needs is us. Many of us have never learned to set personal boundaries. We didn’t even know we could, let alone how to do it. Hopefully, we will learn how to apply healthy boundaries to our lives as we learn to be responsible for ourselves.
2006-06-27 21:19:22 · answer #4 · answered by qti36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let him go.... it will be hard but it sounds like it will be the only way for him to see what he will miss. Chances are he just wants to play and he WILL be back when he's done... you have to decide if your going to put up with it... sounds like he has probly already crossed the line, you just now are catching it. Do you think when he's done you can forgive him? When chances are he will do it again? I know it is hard especially when you are due any time. Honestly hon.. it sounds like your hubby is kinda a creep and you probly know it deep down. And in rehab for what? That says a lot in itself! I could be wrong but it sound to me like you were very young and a bit too impressionable when you met him? You are older now... more wiser... I can tell you already are thinking you can do better right? There a lot of programs out there for single moms to help with childcare and cost.. food.. rent.. etc. It will be hard til you get past the new baby adjustments... and you will feel a lot of downs.. a LOT, but you are right that you DESERVE better, be strong and get a good step-daddy for those babies when your READY. They are out there... I know from experience after my break-up when my 3rd baby was 2 mos. old... I met my current husband when she was 6 mos. old and have been happy since. He is sexier, sweeter, not abusive physically or mentally, and a hell of a lot better in bed!
2006-06-27 21:31:23 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to leave then let him go. In the end if you try to hold on yourfamily is going to be unhappy. You are still young enough to find love again. Plus if you leave the decision to him he may change his mind about needing to leave. Just make sure you lay down some rules, such as if you leave and find someone else do not think I am going to be here waiting with my arms wide open for you to come back. Being able to be with other people is a two way street.
2006-06-27 21:11:03 · answer #6 · answered by raynelley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl your in a mess that for sure. sounds like there is not much you can do, if he wants to leave he will, but gee must he do it an your left with four kids, sounds as if he has been cheating, the best thing you can do is start preparing for him to leave , i feel so sorry for you, sit him down tell him how you feel what about the kids, but sounds like he wants freedom , good luck
2006-06-27 21:16:12 · answer #7 · answered by cris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard first of all and one knows just how hard it is unless its happening to them, Just keep being yr self don't let a man get u down you have kids its hard i know but yr kids should come first just cause yr husband has to act like a child a hoe around its better u let him go and hoe around better 2 be safe then sorry u don't want him to effect u with who knows what,let him go if that's what he wants you can still be happy with yr kids ,good luck
2006-06-27 21:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by sunshinegal0117 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow im sorry he has hit you with what he said and a child on the way, u need to be making some plans of ur own, he doesnt love u or that would have never been said to you, good luck
2006-06-27 21:12:21 · answer #9 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋