He promised to adjust his lifestyle to secure a stable future for us,but 7 months into the relationship 2months after getting married he gets himself arrested.he's already done a year and a half.and 2 weeks ago was sentenced to 14 years. we've only known each other 2 years and we have spent a year and a half of that apart what should i do? am i obligated to stay even though he would'nt respect my advise about his life when he was home?
2006-06-27 13:36:22 · 19 answers · asked by EBONY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We all know 14 years is an awfully long time to be apart with the one we really care about. As mean as it sounds, "why should you feel obligated to him when he doesnt feel the same about you?" 'cause if he did feel obligated to you, he would not do anything stupid that would jeopardize your marriage in the 1st place. "Why should you be fair to someone who doesnt being fair to you?". Would you mind spending 14 years of your life wondering would he change into a new man if he goes out from jail ? And what if still the way he is and get himself another trouble,would you bare the consequences?
get a piece of paper and write down these type of questions. The kind of questions you have been asking yourself. And If you can answer more than 70% of it, it means you really do love him for the way he is. But if its less, then you would know what to do...
2006-06-27 13:50:57 · answer #1 · answered by Bee 2 · 14⤊ 1⤋
Look at it this way....Its not like you knew eachother all that well in the first place...If he wouldn't change his life style for you in the first place, who's to say he will when he gets out in 14 years? Also, do you think the both of you will still be the same or feel the same for eachother in 14 years? You can't get to know your husband if he's not there.....Its hard, but NO u r not obligated to stay. Get on with your life, and find someone who makes you happy, and who isn't in or going to jail.
2006-06-27 21:00:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what state you live in, you can probably get the marriage annulled. Consult a lawyer.
Hope you learned something from this. Make sure the person you marry is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, cause you're not going to change them. Going into a relationship, basing it on the fact that they are going to change, that is a guaranteed recipe for disaster.
Also, personally I don't think 5 months is enough time to know whether a person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Become best friends first, then spouses...if your spouse can't be your best friend, then whats the point of being married?
2006-06-27 20:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot have it anulled, get a divoce as quickly as possible. You may qualify for legal aid dur to your circumstances. Hold your head up high & even be thankful for the experience that lets you know "that" instinct, when something is not right early on in the relationship; it will make you take a closer look as you enter others.
2006-06-27 22:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear girl
It seems to me a spur of moment has led you both to commit a marriage which you think is full of roses. You sounded young and so is your husband. Now that he is behind bar think of your future and goal. What do you want to achieve in your life - to spend a life time with this guy whom you only known for 2 years and barely enough to feed himself or you want to start afresh with a new life.. God will forgive you and be born again if only you are willing to repent and to forgive. 'MEN DO NOT LIVE BY BREAD ALONE' so please stop torturing your precious life and get a new fresh start soon
2006-06-27 21:17:03 · answer #5 · answered by Priscilla N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are never obligated to stay. If you want to leave and not wait 14 years for him then file for divorce.
2006-06-27 21:21:16 · answer #6 · answered by raynelley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you willing to wait 14 yrs for someone you have only known 2 yrs. You probably need to weigh it out. I wouldn't stay, I would move on with my life.
Good luck!
2006-06-27 21:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by qti36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that made a lot of sense you should have checked his back ground o ut you really didnt know this man his life style these dating game are really a gamble with life he could be gone longer find a lawyer and get out this man is a looser hes not worth you waiting you really dont know the man you married
2006-06-27 20:49:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have 14 years to think about it, 7 if he gets off with good behavior. Unless you really enjoy hanging around prisons, I would take a hike
2006-06-27 20:53:44 · answer #9 · answered by paulie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its up to you if you want to spend 14 years of your life for a guy in jail. I wouldn't be with a man who was capable of getting himself in jail for any length of time especially not 14 years......if u want to waste your life on a nothing then that's your prerogative...it would be shame though...
2006-06-27 20:40:42 · answer #10 · answered by outspokenone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋