If a 16 year old girl falls for a 29 yr. old man, is she looking for daddy and what is he looking for?

Question

this is something that happened to me 15 yrs. ago and I am still grappling with it.

Answer 1

she's looking for love and attention.. and older males are much more familiar with relationships, girls, and have been through alot of things. they know how to manipulate or reel a girl in so that she can get those feelings of love and the attention that she is seeking.. he is only looking for sex.. and just think why would a 29. year old be hanigng out or around someone who is 16? where are his friends HIS age? or the women HIS age? did he scare them all away?

Answer 2

Amy, I read your other questions and saw you were asking quite a number about (I think) this relationship that occurred.

It sounds like since you were a minor, you didn't find out much of what was going on when he got in trouble.

It also sounds like you might still have feelings for this man but for whatever reason (jail? sentence? circumstances?) you have not had contact with him since then.

Well, it's easy to see why a 16 year old girl would fall for an adult man. He seems to be mature, he has much more experience, he seems confident in life. And yes, he does play a "father" role that way -- you probably felt like he desired you, that he'd keep you safe, that he'd take care of the confusions of life for you.

This is understandable, although not necessarily good because it creates an imbalance in the relationship -- both partners should be contributing the same amount to each other, but the man in this situation is in a position of power, while the girl is depending on him.

In terms of the guy falling for the girl, usually it's just because he finds her sexually attractive and he enjoys the way that she falls for him whether or not he has actually earned it by sacrificing for her.

See, there's such a large "age gap" there that maturity-wise the man should not be going for a pre-adult girl (she's still in school!) unless he is insecure with women who are his age.There is so much more life experience that he should have, that should put him far beyond the girl who is not even living independently yet, and thus not really interested in her as a meeting of "equals" in the relationship.

Again, usually if he goes for her, it's because she (1) is unthreatening, (2) bolsters his ego, and (3) is sexually attractive to him and thus makes him feel strong.

The imbalance of power and the chance for the girl to be simply used by guys with the resources of adulthood is why there are laws against these things.

As far as what you should do now...? (If I misinterpreted your other questions, please just ignore this part). I don't know. Life is a little more even between a woman who is 31 and a man who is 46, although there's still some differences in life experience (just not as many).

This will take a lot of prayer and soul-searching for you to determine if you should try to find this guy and/or pursue anything... and consider that your feelings were formed in (probably) an exploitative relationship, I don't know if you can trust them.

Anyway, good luck. If I were you, I'd probably try to let things go and move on with something new.

Answer 3

Not necessarily the obvious.

In past decades, it was not unusual at all for a 29 year old man to take a 16 year old wife. In fact it's been that way throughout history, with it becoming 'taboo' only in very recent years.

The sex side of it is there of course, Some men have always liked their women either 'fresh' or 'unspoiled' as it were (please pardon my expressions....I'm trying to keep this 'G' rated) but with women's liberation and equality that position may still be desired by men but it's politically incorrect to say so.

Men who are old-fashioned and want a young and adaptable wife with few bad habits look to much younger women to marry, although 16 is a bit young. What may surprise many people here is that in many states in the US and in Canada a 16 year old is old enough to give her consent to intimate relations by law and can marry in most states.

Also, parents often made the choice for their daughters husbands and a 29 year old man was old enough to be mature, completed his education or training in a skill or job and worked long enough to put away some money, own a home, etc. so that he could look after the girl properly but still not too old to be a good mate and father for many years.

From the girl's point of view, she may be looking for stability, maturity and guidance....but not always a "father".

Answer 4

If they only look for people those ages then it could mean that. But love has nothing to do with age. No need for you to grapple any more. Here is an awesome story.

A 52 year old guy met a 14 year old model. They fell in love and left US so they could be together (sex between them illegal in US).
When older they came back to US and got married. They were married till death did them part (50% marriages end in divorce). He died 22 years after they got married at 74. They were happilly maried until that point. He was a director-- John Derek and put her in his movie. She was Bo Derek and in his movie "10' or "A perfect 10." You can rent this movie and watch it.

In Titanic Rose was going to marry Cal even though she did not love him and tried to kill herself. People are like that. They will marry who they THINK would be a good spouse. Then age matters. But when it comes to love age does not matter at all. See this website and I guarantee you will feel much better about yourself.

http://phifoundation.org/life.html

In Pennsylvania the age of consention is 16!

Answer 5

A daddy em... no. Someone to provide for her what she thinks she needs. Yes.
A 29 year old man doing a 16 year old girl is looking to go to prison in America and probable needs to so he gets violated just like he has done to the 16 year old but only about 3 millions time harder.
My guess is the 29 year old man is married and the 16 year old knows it but does not care because she is getting attention and promises of grandeur that she will most likely never see.
When the 29 year old man screws her like a rag doll until he is done with her she will be damaged goods and no man will want or have her unless he is desperate to have a dependent for the rest of his life. And by dependent I mean very very similar to a parasite.

Answer 6

It doesn't matter if it was because you wanted a father figure, you were 16 and looking for someone to love you. He, the 29 year old, was also looking for love. This was not OK for him to look for it from a 16 year old because being 29 he should of known better and looked for love with someone his own age. That's why you are left still thinking about it afterall. Is he? I suspect not.

Answer 7

First of all, I want to tell you how very sorry I am that this happened to you.

Simply put: you were violated.

A sixteen year old girl is looking for daddy, I think, as well as security, excitement, and approval.

A twenty nine year old man is a pedophile.
A stalker.
A criminal.
The lowest of the low.
Period.

(there are many support groups out there who will help you to work on this)

Good luck.

Answer 8

A 29 year old man can not be dad to a 16 yr old girl. If she is looking for daddy in him, she is cheating herself. He will be looking for ways to cheat her continuously, till he finds another teen girl looking for something from him.

Answer 9

Ha, wow, I can beat that. It's not something I'm exactly proud of, but I'm 17 and I was in love with a 40 year old man. I used to be extremely confused and I hated myself for falling for him. The only answer I have semi- come up with is that he was kind of a loser, and not exactly experienced in anything, so I guess I felt like I could introduce him to things. I know that sounds terrible, and I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't think I could help you.

You might have heard of the "Peter Pan syndrome." Well, that's exactly the opposite of this. That's when women date really young guys because they feel that it will, in turn, keep them young. But in our, case, for some reason, we fall for older guys. It would help me to know your relationship with your own father, but I know mine is not great, but not bad either. So I know that I'm not necessarily looking for a father figure, but instead, in my case, at least, I wanted to feel like the authority, or the dominant one who could teach the other.

Answer 10

You were looking to fill a void I'd say. Attention from a father/authority figure. parents maybe were not very into your life. He was looking for a young girl he could manipulate. Perhaps was intimidated by women his own age. Its just a guess...