my husband has been seen looking at porn on the internet daily. I found a porn vcr tape in our vcr after i went to bed ... i found it the next morning. when i came home from work i mentioned it and he had said "he set me up " to see if i would get mad.. our sex life is no good and will not happen unless i pursue it.. i am thiniking about leaving someone please help!
2006-06-27 12:54:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try role playing yourselves. He's not looking for other women, he's desiring something different.
I had a similar problem & my wife and I could't work things out. She's gone now and all I wanted was "something" to spice up our dull lives.
I wish we communicated more about it
2006-06-27 13:00:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mike B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say.... don't buy that **** about guys being wired for porn... it's wrong! It is de-moralizing and is the leading cause of cheating, and also has been related to 1000's of rapes, molestations, beastiality, incest, and worse. I'm not saying your husband is capable of any of these but that is how it starts for the one person that just can't resist acting out that fantasy (by the way is why it's called fantasy.. not to be acted out) and pretty soon it takes more and more to get them aroused because they've already seen it all and they just can't get off without something a normal healthy person would find un-thinkable! The only reason people try to pretend it's harmless is cause a large amount of the population doesn't want to admit they have a problem with self indulgence and no self control. (Duh, look how fat we are all getting!) I am sorry.. this is a subject I feel very strongly about. I had the same issue with my husband and he KNEW it was wrong but got to where it was hard for him to stop... like an addiction... he was no longer interested in me cause there was so many other bodies out there to look at... and then he found himself trying to meet up with people for sex on the internet and paying for web-cam (cyber prostitution!) sessions. It almost caused us to divorce but he finally had me take the computer away for a long while and monitor him closely and of course we probly could still use counseling. It is most definitely not healthy for ANY marriage as far as I'm concerned. Even couples who claim to be happy looking at porn together are usually the ones who resort to "swinging", group sex, and "watching/being watched", doing it in public or wierd places, and cheating on eachother because they to find themselves needing more to become aroused also! Don't put up with it. If he wants fantasy over you... then leave him with the mineral oil and his nastys til he straightens up and sees that his computer and videos aren't gonna take care of him past the physical pleasure.
2006-06-27 20:28:22 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah unfortunately porn addiction can and will destroy a marriage! he has got a problem! he needs help now and fast.
i'm not sure if you have given him a chance to make the switch. if not give him a chance to change. let him know how you feel about the porn. if he loves you and respects you he will be willing to get help for his problem. if not he may not be ready to admit or accept that he has a problem and not take it as serious as it is..
after this you establish healthy boundaries with him...what ever consequences you set STICK TO THEM! no need to set them if you are not going to follow through. for example, if you say your going to stay at a friends house until he decides to get some help, do it! even though you may be inconvenienced, he has got to know that you are serious!
2006-06-27 20:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by heresthedeal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two of you have a real problem if it is effecting your marriage, it may require professional help. If you want to save your marriage get that help, but you must both be willing to get it. If he refuses to seek help maybe a trial separation will help him see the light, if not you'll be that much further along with leaving him.
2006-06-27 20:08:48 · answer #4 · answered by mike53153 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find a tape with men with really big penis and really really watch it and get turned on yourself. try some of the positions in the tape and when you ride him like a broke horse say whos your moma how you like it from big moma try this come home one day call his butt up to the bedroom lock the door lead him over to the bed and push him down on the bed next take off his shoes then his shirt kiss him as you do this next bite him on the neck like a horny teenager you remember when you were dating get him good and hot talk dirty tell him you want to feel him soooo very deep inside you then you got two chioces ready ........ ride him like the express train and go for your big orgasm or pop in a tape and leave the room throw him the baby oil and go to the kitchen and fix yourself something to eat :) LOL
2006-06-27 20:05:49 · answer #5 · answered by lilladyt34 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The question is. Why does his looking at porn bother you? Men are visually arroused and women are emotionally arroused. The idea that your husband is looking at porn upsets you, shows you have certain sexual hangups. Why not try watching it with him and asking questions about his desires and doing what parts that are acceptable to you. On the other hand he should also listen to you and be willing to give you what you want. Communicate not condemn.
2006-06-27 20:04:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help you to block all porn websites in the background when you're surfing on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-06-28 01:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs help. That is BS that he set you up! He got caught! The same happened to me and it soon escalated to an affair. Get him to agree to counseling and tell him how you feel about it, if he refuses, leave.
2006-06-27 19:59:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don' t set your foot down, he's out the door!
Looking at it is not satisfying enough, he'll eventually seek out his fantasy either with u or someone else. Keep your eyes opened.
2006-06-27 20:01:49 · answer #9 · answered by nhiz__image 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, if your sex is no good that is why he is watching those videos, and that is why you should have someone else that satisfy you. Men can be sick, but yours is so addicted to it and that is not good. Who knows, maybe when he is screwing you he is fantasies about someone else. that is a NONO!
2006-06-27 19:59:41 · answer #10 · answered by LostMind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋