Why would it take me so long to climax while being given oral sex?

Question

I have so much trouble climaxing while my husband is giving me oral sex. It takes me a long time to climax. Does it help to fantasize while he is doing it--would that be wrong? Plus I have never climaxed while having intercourse--just during oral sex? Even when I masturbate--which is maybe once in a couple of weeks, when my husband does not want to have sex--it takes me a long time (it did not use to take me so long to bring myself to climax but now it takes a long time too). Any suggestions or thoughts? Has this happened to anyone else?

Answer 1

Fantasies are completely normal and harmless, as long as they don't get in the way of your relationship. Like, if you fantasize about Keanu Reeves but then start stalking him in real life, that would be a problem. :-)

Now, on to the main question... First of all, it's not uncommon to take longer to climax as we get older and as the relationship grows beyond those thrilling first years. There are a number of reasons for this, including familiarity with your partner, the aging process in general, and the absence of the novelty factor. There may also be some medical conditions that can make this worse, including various vaginal infections both yeast and bacterial; if you have any discomfort during intercourse, see your gynecologist and get tested.

As for technique: Does your husband (and do you, when you're on your own) vary the location where he's stimulating you? Sometimes it's tempting to stay on one spot because it feels sooooo good, but if you continually rub the same place too long it can actually make that area go slightly numb, and that puts the whole process in reverse. (Guys have the same issues, by the way.) Something else we've learned: Don't have your husband jump right into oral sex, have him wake up your entire body gradually. As I'm sure you've found at the gynecologist's, just rubbing your privates doesn't do anything unless you're in the mood.

As for climaxing during intercourse, here's something that may help: Get yourself right up to the edge, say 97-98% of the way to climax, through alternative means -- oral, manual, whatever it takes. Then, as you're just about to "go over the waterfall," start having intercourse. The idea is to get so close that you're at the point of no return, then begin intercourse; the momentum will propel you to a climax and "break the ice," so to speak.

You may find it more effective to have your husband lie back and let you ride him; that will give you the control over the angles, friction, and speed, and if you're really close you should be able to reach completion fairly quickly. On the other hand, it may be more successful for you to stay in missionary and have him move into position; it all depends on how close you are -- if you're less than ten seconds from finishing, just have him jump your bones then and there.

One final suggestion: Sex toys can be a lot of fun for a variety of reasons. First of all, they can reintroduce the novelty factor to a relationship that's become too same-y. Second, they can produce sensations that no tongue, fingers, or penis can begin to imitate. Try using a vibrator on yourself externally (the kind that strap on the back of your hand are good for this) while your husband is inside you; you may find that the combination of internal and external pleasure is an effective way to have a shattering climax in a comparatively short period of time. I've bought a few things at the Web site listed below (no commercial relation between me and them except as satisfied customers). Take a look at what they've got, in fact sit down with your husband and see what he thinks.

Answer 2

Well this so ironic because I have the same problem but it is with my man it takes him long to climax also. I think that it is natural some people climax faster than others. Not everone can climax within 3 minutes for some people climax is like a process. I think you should try to visualize any type of fanatizes in your head while he is giving you pleasure there is nothing wrong with fantasizing it might help you if not then try looking at porn sometimes that also help stimulate the body. I find that watch porn for some couples also help improve their sex life and push them on the point of climax. And he should try a little more foreplay because that also helps if he just go down there then yeah it take long but if he concentrates on stimulating the rest of you body then you can be sure to climax faster once he gets down there.

Answer 3

It takes a woman an average of 20 mins to climax during oral sex. Try to close your eyes and picture something erotic. By shutting down one sense you enhance the others. A question for you. Are you nervous about what he's thinking? If so, be open about it. I used to be worried that my husband didn't like to do it, until I asked, and that fixed my relaxation issue.

Answer 4

I had that same problem just last night. I was with someone I didn't particularly have any feelings for and I know that is why I had that problem. For me, if it doesn't feel special I can't really get into it. Needless to say, He will not get gifted again. I even tried to imagine something sexy and that didn't work. Usually, if you are just even somewhat jelling with the other person at least fantasizing would work, but, the feelings just weren't there enough for me. Romance is very important in any relationship and the absence of it can really take a toll on your sex life. I hope this helps.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that when I finally started to really get to know my own body, my own self and my changing needs and wants without any inhibition I started to enjoy my sex life more. Explore yourself, know yourself and you will enjoy sex better.

Answer 5

Perhaps your husband is not hitting the right spot. Try some KY heating lotion. Also try new positions this might help. Also you have to know where your "G-spot" is before anyone can make you climax, and don't be afraid to tell your husband if he not doing something that does not feel right, give him some instruction.Last thing "DO NOT" over think this that will make the problem even worst.

Answer 6

Try seeing a gynocologist. Or get a Kama Sutra book. You don't have to do all the weird positions, but it will tell you how to climax in different positions. Maybe you're not relaxing either. It could actually be a health issue so if the book doesn't work out, see a gyno.

Answer 7

Sex to me is not just a physical thing, it's very much an emotional thing too. If your partner doesn't care about making love to you this will prob have an effect on your ability to enjoy it even when it's just you doing the pleasuring. Your best bet is to talk to your husband, try and explain how you feel and how it's affecting you and see if there is a way to reach a pleasurable solution for you both....
Site below has a lot of help pages too, I used it to learn how to orally please my partner at the time, she was pleased with my research :)

Answer 8

Certain medications and birth control devices or pills can cause this problem. Antidepressants, too. What meds are you on? Have you started any new meds lately? That could be the problem. Especially because this is a new situation and you used to "get there" easier. I know for a fact birth control pills can hurt your libido and ability to climax.

Answer 9

Oral usually takes longer to climax. I can never climax when my husband does it. Just keep trying.

Answer 10

Well, I'm not sure exactly what advice to give you, but I can share some of my experiences with you. My husband loves for me to give him oral sex, sometimes he even chooses that over intercourse (he feels more 'kinky' with having oral sex). And he seems to take longer to climax with oral sex. I on the other hand get oral sex very rarely. My husband woul like to be pleasure almost everynight before bed because it helps him relax, and since I know that, I usually "flirt with him" after I get the kids to sleep. Most of the time when he asks for sex he wants something different than just making love in the bedroom. He has told me that if I ASK him to give me oral sex he will and that he enjoys it, but as I said I very rarely get it and that's because I think it's more sentual if he just does it rather than having to be invited...he doesn't go down there on his own very often. I'm sorry, I have begun to ramble. Let me focus in on something that might be able to help you more. I have climaxed just a few times with oral sex, and I think this is pretty much just because when I do get it it doesn't last long enough...so yes, it takes me longer to climax with oral sex too. (If also takes my husband longer to climax with oral sex now than it did when we first got together...) As far as intercourse goes, I don't climax a lot with that either. I try to express what I need to my husband (I usually need him to thrust harder and deeper...give me a taste of something a little rough) but he doesn't always feel comfortable doing what I ask for. i guess what I'm trying to get across is that you're normal (or at least if you're not normal than neither am I). I don't feel that fantisizing would be wrong, as long as you're honest about it. When I do get oral sex I have found that I get more enjoyment out of it if I fantisize that my husband is actually making love to me. I know that sounds weird seeing as we have intercourse fairly often and that I would like to get oral sex more often, but I get different sensations from oral sex, and I would like to my husband to show the same passion as he does with oral sex when we have intercourse. I suggest talking to your husband about the possibility of you fantisizing. If he doesn't have a problem with it (whether you think about something as simple as being some place exotic or if you want to try picturing being sexually involved with someone else...)than there shouldn't be a problem with it. You could even ask him to take part in the fantasy (such as being adventurous in your own backyard, or your car...). I hope at least some of things I've shared with you helps. Good luck with your future 'intimate moments.'