I'll give ten points to the first person that says something to make me laugh?

Question

didn't u read the question?

ok so i already have a "winner" i just can't give them points until tomorrow, but feel free to write me random crap to get 2 points :)

Answer 1

An irishman walks out of a bar.

Answer 2

>A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
>nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
>propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed "Dad"
>
>With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter
>with trembling hands:
>
>
>
>
>
>Dear Dad,
>
>It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to
>elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom
>and
you.
>
>I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even
>with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes.
>
>But it's not only the passion, Dad - she's pregnant and Barbara assures
>me that we will be very happy.
>
>Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older than I
>am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
>enough for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with
>me and that's now one of my dreams too.
>
>Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll
>be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the
>cocaine and ecstasy we need.
>
>In the mean time, we pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
>that Barbara can get better. She deserves it!!
>
>Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
>myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
>your grandchildren.
>
>Your Son, John
>
>P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just
>wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report
>card, which is in my desk center drawer.
>
>I LOVE YOU!
>
>P. S. S. Call when it's safe to come home.
>

Answer 3

This is the fairy tale we should have been reading as little girls!
>>>>> Once upon a time,
>>>>>
>>>>> In a land far away,
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> A beautiful, independent,
>>>>>
>>>>> Self-assured princess
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Happened upon a frog as she sat,

>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Contemplating ecological issues

>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> On the shores of an unpolluted pond

>>>>>
>>>>> In a verdant meadow near her castle.
>>>>>


>>>>> The frog hopped into the princess' lap
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And said: Elegant Lady,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> I was once a handsome prince,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> One kiss from you, however,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And I will turn back
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Into the dapper, young prince that I am
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And then, my sweet, we can marry
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And set up housekeeping in your castle
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> With my mother,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Where you can prepare my meals,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Clean my clothes bear my children,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And forever
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Feel grateful and happy doing so.



>>>>> That night,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> As the princess dined sumptuously
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> On lightly sautéed frog legs
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Seasoned in a white wine
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And onion cream sauce,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> She chuckled and thought to herself:

>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> I don't f.........ing think so.
>>>>>

Answer 4

When the tickle-me-elmo dolls went into the last year of production, do to some consumer complaints from the previous year every doll before it was packaged recieved two test tickles. HA HA

This is so funny, I should get ten points too.

Answer 5

Revenge Is Sweet

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's ars.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

Answer 6

a woman goes to the doctor and she says that she has a digestive problem telling her doctor that she gets up at 6:15 every morning, makes breakfast and at 8:15 everymorning she goes to the bathroom, upon being X-rayed, the doctor found three worms in her and he told her that he'd have to operate, the first worm goes
"did you hear that?"
the second worm goes
Yeah, I did, what are you gonna do?"
"Well I'm gonna hide behind the heart"
"Well I'm hiding behind the liver"
the third worm goes
"I don't know about you guys but I'm catching the 8:15 outta here"

Answer 7

If you were a guy all I would have to say is something like fart or butt, or boobs and then you would laugh like you were a 5 year old boy. Because if you were a guy that is always funny no matter what age.

Answer 8

1.Do you want to hear a joke backwards? Then laugh first.
2. How do you keep an elephant from moving(answer below)






























By cutting off its legs!!!!

Answer 9

Once my husband was taking a nap, and he had his hand down his underwear, so I snapped a picture. When we went to pick the pictures up from Walgreens, the clerk was obviously trying not to make eye contact with him. I loved it.

Answer 10

Once when i was in year 7 my friend and i were talking and eating he was telling me jokes and i was drinking juice ,He told me a joke Then said Thar she blows and juice came out of my Nose and we all laughed together