I split from my husband in Feb, but when ever he come's to see our daughter (who's 2) he ends up shouting & swearing at me in front of her.. I have asked him not to, & even she doesnt want to go to him whan he is like this, but i still try to get her to kiss him etc... should i give up & let her make her own mind up if she wants to go out with him??
2006-06-27 11:31:33 · 29 answers · asked by friendly chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you continue to allow your young daughter to be exposed to your husband's abuse it will have a lasting affect on her. People may well think because she's only two that she won't remember but I can assure you that she will. Also, your husband will continue this course of behaviour because you are allowing him to do so. As a mother it must be very difficult for you as you want only the best for your little girl, however, being in touch with an abusive father is not the best thing for her right now.
I'm wondering why you've split from him, was it directly to do with his abusive behaviour?, if so then he's unlikely to change without professional intervention.
I mentor young people who have a wide range of problems. I have kids who sadly say that most of their childhood memories are of their parents shouting and in some cases there has been violence.
I'm not suggesting that your situation is as bad, however it's important that you make the right choices for your daughter as she is not in a position to make them for herself. At worse his abusive behaviour could be a child protection issue if it's deemed emotionally damaging to your daughter. See a solicitor to get advice, you could also see your doctor and have your concerns recorded.
Good luck, I wish you and your daughter every happiness for the future.
2006-06-27 11:59:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay first do not make your child kiss him if she doesn't want too. All you are doing is teaching her that she is not allowed to have her feelings. If she is upset with dad then let her be upset. Now as for your husband, it would be better to maybe have someone else there when he coems over. Or you could go to court and ask them to make his visits limited...which will be a hard sell if he has partial custody.
The important person here is your child. She should not be seeing you be cussed out. I don't care how old she is, so arrange a way for him to see his daughter supervised or with someone else there. It may temper himself a little.
Also if things get worse and you feel unsafe you can always talk to your lawyer or go to family court to try to resolve this problem.
Good Luck
K
2006-06-27 18:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by kaiynasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have another person with you when he calls- this may not stop him behaving like a moron, but at least you will have a witness to his behaviour. Your ex has no right to abuse you and belittle you in front of your child, and I would suggest you contact Social Services to talk about a solution to this before your daughter is scared of men or mentally damaged; what if he hit you in front of her?? Just b ecause he may not have done it b efore, doesnt mean he wont, and your baby must come first. Very good luck to you both.
2006-06-27 19:05:08 · answer #3 · answered by k0005kat@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you force her to see her dad when she doens't want to it will create resentment towards you. Also tell if he doesn't get his act together you'll slap him with a custody hearing and a monthly child support bill that will make his head spin. It is extremely unhealthy for kids to be exposed to that kind of anger early in life. It shows them that's how they should and can act. If you continue to let your daughter see your ex yelling at you she very well could end up yelling at you to. Bottom line, keep him away until he is willing to not flip out in front of the child and also will talk to you rationally when he has a problem. If he can't do that...he's gone.
2006-06-27 18:37:53 · answer #4 · answered by wsucougal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm kinda in the same situation and I don't let my daughter see her father basically because she doesn't want to go to him. I would just give up if he can't control his shouting. If he loves her enough, he will stop being abusive like that and setting a bad example for her.
2006-06-27 18:35:24 · answer #5 · answered by ♫Joshua's~♥~Girl♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contact your lawyer...tell her about his verbal abuse. this is NOT healthy.
if he wants to see his child he needs to conduct himself in a GROWN UP manner.
this is not out of spite or being vengeful....you need to make sure SHE is NEVER the target of such abuse. and if you allow her to continue seeing him while he does this...he will eventually take his anger out on her.
your lawyer can bring before the judge a recommendation that he have supervised visits..OR that he have NO visitation until he attends an anger management class.
here is an idea to help get proof of his verbal abuse....borrow a video recorder if you do not have one.
set up a visitation in a location that you can hide the video recorder. tape the visitation...do NOT provoke him for show...just let him do what he does.
even if it take a couple of times.
and the more recordings you have of him the better. take the tapes to your lawyer and then the judge will have proof of his violent temper.
2006-06-27 18:43:18 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let your daughter see he dad. But you should get a third party to be the middle man. Make your ex that he must remain with the 3rd party and you will not accept him saying anything bad about you and the relationship.
2006-06-27 18:37:17 · answer #7 · answered by oddbutterfly1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when in this type of predicament it is important to evaluate all the positives and the negatives. he is the father of this girl and in order to keep her on the right path it is imperative that her is involved with her father. as human we can see the down falls in people but that is only because we dint look at the things we do right. i believe that this man uses these words in order to express himself as he feels appropriate. i think that the best suggestion for this type of problem is to have the girl tell her father that she is hurt by his language, because it seems that he has lost respect for you if he is yelling at you. with his daughter telling him she is hurt when he uses this vocabulary, it will open his mind to respecting her and her wishes. and she should probably ask him to pick up a dictionary and find words to replace with the profanity
2006-06-27 18:44:35 · answer #8 · answered by Desmond W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point, let the courts decide.....he is only going to get worse, and a 2 year old can't possibly decide that for herself, and should not have to.....let the court decide what should happen! Best of Luck!
2006-06-27 18:35:33 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you must allow him access, for her sake, however, why not get a chaperone in, a trusted friend, or neighbour, or family member.
From experience I know that verbally abusive people tend not to be so keen to show themselves up when witnesses are present.
2006-06-27 18:34:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋