she always has an excuse for not helping "I worked 8 hours today." "I had the kids all day." and the ever popular "I forgot." I work 12 hours a day 2 days at work 3 days off then 3 days at work and 2 days off when I'm home I have the kids too yet I still find time to clean but with no help and 2 kids and her making her (more than fair share of) messes too I can't keep up by myself.
2006-06-27 11:27:20 · 16 answers · asked by wolf 1 in Home & Garden ➔ Cleaning & Laundry
my kids are 4 and 1 the 4 yr. old I don't have all the time. As far as asking her to do one thing or letting things go till she does them. I just washed the dishes that she kept telling me that she would do and most of them were molding. I can't stand that. If I ack her to wash cloths she keeps forgetting or washes them (forgets to dry) and then lets them sit till they mold. I know that alot of it came from her mother b/c she doesn't do any housework either she has the youngest boy do it all (to include running mom's bath water) and that is the way it used to be for my G/F thats why she doesn't want to do anything now but now we have a life of our own and kids of our own and I can't get that through her head
2006-06-27 13:27:46 · update #1
Here's what I would do. Just wash you and the kids stuff. Don't wash her clothes, as for dishes or towels start hiding them so just you and the kids can use them. When she wants a towel to dry off with, a plate to eat on, or clothes to wear she'll have to get off her lazy butt and do it herself.
2006-07-07 09:12:04 · answer #1 · answered by motleycfan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Got to love a question like this.
There are many reasons why housework does not get done in a timely efficient manner. Most of those reasons are just a cover for another more basic problem.
The bottom line is that your "girlfriend" has not been taught proper parenting skills...yet.
As parents, it is our duty to make sure that our children are brought up in a manner that both challenges and showcases the amount of effort we parents choose to put into their upbringing.
The time and effort you choose to put into your home will also be shown in stark contrast to how your kids view their own grown up responsibilities.
One thing you should consider is that it is not just up to you and your girlfriend to keep up the home. This task is also to be shared by your children, as part of their own good upbringing.
Since you have not yet layed your "rules of the home", I would suggest you think long and very carefully what those rules might be. These rules are not just something enacted in your own home to be followed only iin your home. They should also be a benchmark from which you hope will give your children an advantage in society and ease the pain of of a family where both parents must work to keep and even keel.
People actually do this in a successful household. This is not something that is enacted to hinder any family member.
Have a family meeting, at which all you share your concerns.
Find solutions to each and every concern.
The initial change once these rules are implemented is a time of great positive change, and will be painfull for most families.
Do not become discouraged.
The key here is teamwork.
You are all there to help each other.
You are all there to help each other.
You are all there to help each other.
Let this be your mantra.
Approach all family conflict with this in mind.
And do not argue.
Parents have adult conversations, not shouting matches.
Parents do not argue with kids, they direct them appropriately.
Parents instill confidence, through positive re-inforcement.
Parents become great parents, they are not born that way.
Successful parents use more honey than vinegar.
Successful parents use more honey than vinegar.
Successful parents use more honey than vinegar.
Always an appropriate response to any conflict at home.
Be the voice of reason.
2006-06-27 11:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by slipstream1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wolf you answered my question about the rental house. I had a sign posted in the house where the actived recorder was plus I had a bad car accident when I was 6 so I don't remember things so I carry a recorder with so I can play it back. I do wear a badge stating that. As far as your girlfriend not cleaning let her know how important it is for the place to be clean to cut down on bacterial. Give her a reward like a foot rub or back rub when the house is clean. That can work in many ways as a reward, bonding time and also reduce stress. Good Luck Thank you for your help Annalisa
2006-06-29 06:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by annalisa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, this is a switch. Usually it's the woman who's complaining about this.
If she's making her fair share of messes, then leave them. I've been married "a while", and I've never picked up after my husband... never. If he drops a towel in the bathroom, it can stay there till hell freezes over... same with clothes in the bedroom. If he eats in the livingroom and leaves his dishes by the chair, they're still going to be there tomorrow and the next day and the next..... It's only fair, you make the mess, you clean it up!
And you're not even married to this woman!!! If you can't get her to do her share, don't marry her unless she changes, because she'll still be a lazy slob!
Tell her how you feel about being taken advantage of... tell her what you're going to do... and then stick to it! Don't cave! If that doesn't work, one of you will have to move.
2006-06-27 11:55:20 · answer #4 · answered by beekiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with her for a serious discussion and plan a routine , make a chart for the chores you will each do and stick it up in the kitchen somewhere. Point out that sticking to the chart routine is important so you can all have quality time as a family at the end of the day. If that doesn't work then TOPCAT's idea is the next option.
2006-07-03 22:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by VelvetRose 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that, yes hun, I realized that you worked 8 hours a day and ran after the kids a lot - hire a maid.
Make her pay for it.
I have this problem with my boyfriend doing the dishes... I just boycotted doing dishes one day - I only washed what I needed at that time... After a month, he got fed up with the dishes overflowing the sink and did them himself.
2006-06-27 12:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by Too Silly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are your kids and making the majority of the mess maybe you should take on the chore yourself. Or if the kids are old enough... put them to work doing it. If they are 8 or older it's time to start giving them some chores to do too. An excellent up-bring for them
2006-06-27 11:32:36 · answer #7 · answered by AL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to babysit some out of control kids and I started by giving them one chore each. Try that with your girlfriend. Get her one chore like laundry or dishes, but just one for now. Good luck.
2006-06-27 12:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's kinda sneaky but....
Have various guests come over like her mom, or sister, people she would want to look responsible in front of. time these visits during a time when you know you won't be able to help clean at all. the thoery is that she will be forced to clean out of the risk of embarrasing herself in front of the guest. maybe having this happen often enough will get her into the swing of things. just a thoery. it would work on me.
2006-06-27 11:35:30 · answer #9 · answered by kiklejojo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she is kind of a jealous type lady you could tell your girlfriend that you are going to hire a housekeeper and that she will be in your girlfriend's home cleaning when your girlfriend is gone and you are there.that might make your girlfriend pitch in and give you a hand at cleaning or it might get you shot.be careful and use your own discretion.good luck
2006-06-27 12:15:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋