What do guys look for in a friend. My husband says I am not a friend to him and I should be but won't tell me what he wants from a friend. I listen to him, but always wind up asking questions when I don't understand what he is talking about. My questions seem to annoy him and he says I should just listen so he can get if off his chest. Should I listen without asking questions so I don't have a clue? What other characteristics do guys need/want in a friend?
2006-06-27 10:56:15 · 6 answers · asked by Jill M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What being a friend means to a man is different than it is to a woman. Listen to what your husband says he wants - he just wants you to listen to him so he can get whatever it is off his chest. He does not want advice, he does not want to explore his feelings, he does not want you to ask questions. Some times he may be in a quiet mood and doesn't want to talk at all. Don't ask him what is wrong or pester him about how you can help. Let him be quiet. After awhile, maybe he will want to talk to you and get "it" off his chest and out of his system. If so, just listen to what he has to say. It is not important that you understand - he is not looking for understanding. He just wants to be heard.
For a man, friends listen, they don't pry into feelings, and they do not judge. "Unconditional love" is a woman's term. "Listening to all the details" is a non starter because most men don't like to go into details about things that bother them - that is a woman's thing, too. Lots of women sort out their feelings and decide on what they want to do by talking about it - even if they only talk to themselves. I do that, anyway.
Sometimes your guy will want your opinion and when he does, he will ask you for it.
Now, all of the above does not apply to regular conversations between a husband and wife about their family, home, household matters, etc. When you two are trying to decide what to do about the septic system, where to go on vacation, what to do about Billy's slipping grades - these are concerns that require you to ask questions if you don't understand. These are times when you are not just a friend, but a wife and a helpmate.
And do not despair! Remember that most of the time when you want to get things off your chest, you don't want him to solve your problem or fix things for you - you just want him to understand what is going on in your life. But chances are he will give you suggestions and ask you questions so he can give you a good answer. My guy does - he even tells me that what I'm explaining about problems at work cannot possible happen because businesses simply can't run that way!
Hope that this helps.
2006-06-27 12:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the charactetistics of a frined is the ability to listen to each and every detail, cause you are the friend. He trusts that you can help him or make him feel better if he is in a situation so he tells you all, and he expects you to listen and to give him some advice, that;s what all friends do, don't ask too much questions, especially if he has a lot to say, just zip it, it will work out in the end and u will be astonished.
2006-06-27 18:06:29 · answer #2 · answered by lynexxe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A "friend" loves at all times(not easy to do). A friend cries on your shoulder. A friend LISTENS to you. A friend "has your back" when the chips are down. You sound genuine and earnest in wanting to make your marriage work, and be a friend to your husband.....but a friendship works both ways....he has to be your friend too. Listen to him, love him, hold him up....and tell him you expect the same from him. To have a friend, he has to be a friend! Best of luck to you.
2006-06-27 18:04:23 · answer #3 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, to tell the truth your husband doesn't sound so easy to get along with. Maybe you should go to couples counselling.
2006-06-27 18:31:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unconditional acceptance.
2006-06-27 18:08:20 · answer #5 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being nonjudgemental, having fun, having common interestsand pick each other.
2006-06-27 18:06:34 · answer #6 · answered by Migity696 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋