I have been treated for bipolar and hospitalized, can this be used against me in custody?

Question

I have been hospitalized several times...sometimes just for medicinal changes for bipolar and depression. This doesn't affect my mothering, and my children have always been cared for while I do this. I am afraid my husband will legally use this against me to obtain custody of my five year old daughter...Can I prevent this?

I forgot to add I already had custody of the children and that he at the time agreed I was a stable parent. Our oldest child decided to live with him after six months. We are already divorced I am just afraid that he will try to use that in further attempts. Our divorce and custody agreement was settled outside of a court.

Answer 1

I think it's important that you realize that having these conditions DOES affect your ability to be a mother. It affects your children, whether you chose to see it or not. When you need to be hospitalized, your children know that, it scares them, and makes them wonder about their own safety. I work in the medical field, and can safely say that nobody goes into in patient care because they are changing their medicines. Typically during that period they change the medicines a bit, but in order to qualify for in-patient, a patient must be having some form of an active episode. And, undoubtely, your children see this, and it effects them. That effect on them can determine your ability to parent.

I am not sure if you realize this, but children who have a parent that has been diagnosed with major depression or bi-polar disorder have a 90% chance of having major mental health illness during their lifetimes. And, it is believed that bi-polar disorder has a very strong hereditary trait to it. (if a parent, grandparent, etc. had it .. the chances of having it are greatly increased.) With parents and children, this is especially true. The parent's mental health problems scare their children, and eventually that fear becomes sadness. Continual Sadness leads to depression .. you see where I am going with this.

My first question would be, why have your children decided to live your with your X husband? Was it something they wanted after an episode that you had with your mental health? If so, despite his ability to use your mental health against you, what will become a more paramount question in court is WHY did they kids want to live with him? Combine their wishes with the history of major mental health disorders, and that might make the "battle" very one-sided.

The simple answer is yes, your X can, and, if he truly believes that your children have been hurt by your disorder WILL use your mental health history against you, and, combined with your children's desires to live with their father instead of you, more than likely successfully. The factors that are going to be involved will be a GAL (Guardian Ad-Litem - a lawyer for your children who represent only their interests without regard for your or your husband's wishes), a Pyschological Evaluation by an independant court appointed pyschologist and all of your medical records. If they aren't already in public knowledge documents such as marriage, the last thing you want is all that information to be publicly available because of a custody battle. Any application that you might need to fill out in the future where they may ask about any serious medical conditions, you would be required to disclose - because if they did a background check and find out that you didn't - that's grounds for not accepting you as an applicant. Additionally, and you should think about this for a sec .. you would be required to prove (as he will be required to prove that you are not fit as a parent) that you are fit as a parent with those medical conditions. That means you can bring in your prescriptions that are getting refilled on time every month, you have people that can vouch that you are never out of control (and I mean never - if even one person brings up one recent incident, your case is shot) I realize that someone brought up that you might want to have someone else that lives with you that could take care of them, just in case - but, that will actually hurt you more than help. After all, if you need someone to help you when you're having an episode, then you've proved that you have them in front of your children, and given your husband another leg up. You should be able to take care of your children alone without any problems with your own mental health. That you don't have any recent hospitalizations, and that any you have had you followed the discharge instructions to the letter. You'll want to show that you make every single scheduled pyschologist and pyschiatrist appointment (you should have both. If you don't have a pyschiatrist then where do you get your meds, and if you don't take meds that's gonna hurt because your disorders typically require some form of medication, or you'll have to again prove you don't require them, which would mean you would need a pyschiatrist to say so) and you'll want to show - although not necessary, that your medical conditions have not affected your children emotionally or pyschologically. After all, making sure they are cared for when you're in the hospital doesn't mean that their emotional needs have been met or that any pyschological concerns due to your hospitalization has been addressed. Additionally, if that is a concern that they bring up with the Guardian Ad-Litem then your case will become far more difficult. While court systems have often been prone to award custody to the mother except in the event that abuse (emotional counts) has occured, recently due to the shift in attitude and the prevelance of single-parent households, the children's needs are often considered with regards to the BEST parental choice instead of defaulting to the mother. Therefore, serious medical conditions or on-going mental health disorders of one of the parents can and usually will play a major role in the judge's decision making process.

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However, I would instead ask you why you would oppose this change in custody. It sounds as if you have things going on which require specialized medical treatment. And the old adage that you can't take care of someone else if you can't take care of yourself applies. Perhaps you should consider your children's wishes above your own. It is very easy to allow pride and/or personal desires to trump that of our children's needs, but we must remember that our offspring are the single most important responsibility in our lives. If a reasonable person could believe that it would be better for them to live with Dad on a more permenant basis, you should honestly consider that if he wishes to file for custody. Instead of opposing him, I would encourage you to have an open dialog with him focusing on your children's needs and how they will be met. Joint Custody or Full Custody, who takes care of the doctor's visits, who explains the "hard to explain stuff", how do you divide up holidays. Make sure that out of the deal the children get the best part. Make sure that you and he are included equally in their lives, and although it may mean they are with you physically less of the time, it doesn't mean that they won't get your full love... and that's what kids need. Love and reassurance. Judges often say that if both parties of a divorce walk away unhappy with the outcome then they've done their jobs correctly. And that's the reality. You both won't get what you want entirely. It's a give and take. If your kids are old enough to put their two cents in - the judge will listen to it, so you should too.

Answer 2

Well lst of all bi-polar is not any worse or extreme than depression or whatever else. A court docket can't use this towards you until there is some documenting evidence that you're UNFIT and that has to do with you not taking your meds which is concerning your Bi-Polar disease. It is a sickness and they can't discriminate against you based on this. I don't know the circumstances in the back of you turning transitority guardianship over to this "buddy" however THAT purpose will play a better section then the bi-polar I believe. You must get your possess medical professionals evaluation mentioning the way in which your bipolar impacts you or would not, your compliance with meds and so on - then you've got your own amunition to take to court. What a lousy pal

Answer 3

You can not prevent him from using this information which he will use. This will be used to go against your ability to take care of your child. You need character witnesses what also might help is if you have another person in the home helping you with your children so you can use that in court as a counter to his claim so you can show you are stable oh what will be a shore way of helping is a certified letter from your doctors, family doctor as well as those who treated you in the hospital as to your status on taking care of your children (If your illness affect your ability to raise your child) also use your other children particualarly your oldest as an example of your ability do not take her to court unless you really have to just use her as an example her accomplishments, grades, volunteer activiities whatever looks good as to her well bieng doctor notes about your child mental stability things like that should not fail.

Answer 4

He has a right to bring that up, the best you can do is counter with a doctor or group of friends that can vouche for your symptoms not affecting your children. He probably will use this against you. You might have to deal for joint custody out of court cause although judges do favor the mother, one with a mental illness stand a slim chance

Answer 5

If your husband is vindictive, he and a good lawyer could definitely use this against you. You say your disorder doesn't affect your mothering... you need to be able to prove this to a court and or a judge. You should obtain statements from your doctors, family members, co-workers, and anyone else who knows you well saying that you are a great parent, and a good person. You should also ask these people if they would be willing to testify on your be-half in court, you may need them as character witnesses.

Answer 6

He can use it and most likely will. Sorry, you can control the damage by having your doctor testify that you are not a danger to your child.

It will still be in the court record, but of limited value to your ex. In family court the deck is stacked in your favor so without solid evidence that you are unfit they won't change custody in most cases.

Answer 7

Usually the courts just give the kids to mother no matter how bad the situation is (I'm not saying yours is bad). Fathers very rarely get custody no matter how good they are. I think that you have nothing to worry about as long as you continue to receive treatment and use your medications.

Answer 8

maybe u can get evaluated to see if u are capable of raising kids or pull a professional that was treating u into court to testify on your behalf or if u on medicine maybe the judge will just order that u continue your medication he can use it but it dont mean nothing cause the fact if u can care for your childeren or not can be investigated and proven

Answer 9

Egads.Think about the mentaI stability of your youngster. I know if I cared enough to get custody, I would use it against you, because bipolar diseased people should not be allowed to raise children. They WILL grow up neurotic and it will be your fault

Answer 10

Maybe he should have custody. I mean what if you go bipolar sometime and end up like Andrea Yates? Your attitude worries me greatly. I am sure you think you control this problem, but it sounds to me like you don't. Maybe the best interests of your kid would be to be in the care of her father.

Answer 11

you cannot prevent your husband from seeking custody...if he does, you need a good lawyer...yes, your medical condition can be used and it is up to the judge to decide whether or not it works against you