Do you stay in a marriage where there is no major problems, but the love is gone for the sake of the children? I married a good father and a decent man. We've been married 9 years, but I have never really been in love with him. My ex boyfriend who I have always know was my soulmate has come back into my life. I am so lonely in my marriage, but my husband is clueless. I have talked to him several times but nothing changes. How can I be happy and not destroy my children?
2006-06-27 09:58:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you were never really in love with him you shouldn't have married him in the first place even if you thought you were doing it for a child. you can't be happy in a marriage if the only reason your hanging on is for children. i've learned over the last 9 years that being with a man just for a child's sake doesn't work. children know when mom and dad aren't getting along even if you don't fight in front of them they know! yes talking to your husband is the right thing to do even if he doesn't want to hear it he needs to know how you truly feels and if you want out of the marriage to be with your ex you also need to be honest with him and yourself and tell him that too. you aren't going to be happy if you stay in this relationship when the feelings are gone and it isn't going to destroy the children either. in time they will understand and it may be hard for them at first to be in two different homes but in the long run they will be happier too knowing that their parents are happy. if the children need to you can always take them to a counselor to talk about the changes in their lives. so don't hold back if you really aren't happy it will just get worse and then what are you going to do?
2006-06-27 10:24:04 · answer #1 · answered by ~Amanda~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have married him in the first place. But I have already been in your position. But I did waste my whole life almost. I was married for 6 years when I met who I would call my soul mate, and best friend. My husband was abusive though. But for the sake of the marriage and my 2 children I stuck out the marriage for 32 miserable years. I missed a lifetime of happy. My children even finally told me that I was not a happy person. I finally decided that I had even of the abuse and unhappiness that I finally left, even if it met that I would have to be by myself. It was better than being miserable. Six months later I ran into my friend again, we were friends for awhile. Now we have been living together for over 2 years and are very happy. There are alot of problems, like health, courts and finances, but we are working everything out TOGETHER!
I am not saying that you should leave, but do think long and hard what you want in your life. It isn't easy. If your husband is not listening to you, that may be a hint. Good luck,
2006-06-27 18:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by oddbutterfly1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have never been in love with him why did you marry him and have his children. When did you realize that you were not in love with him? Was it when you ex boyfriend came back into your life. Are you really lonely in your marriage or are you lusting for someone else and thinking, " I wonder what my life would have been like if I was with him, and not my husband." The grass is not always greener on the other side. Think about this before you do anything. One more thing your husband is not as clueless as you think, maybe in denial but not clueless.
2006-06-27 17:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by lessa65 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the key to a happy marriage. You need to tell your husband what your feeling are. You are wanting a change in a positive direction with him. What can we do? Marriage counseling or if you are not in a good Bible believing church, go to church and the Lord will change your lives. Be a family with your children. Please, do not even think of bringing in the ex boyfriend from long long ago. You will end up destroying your life and others for what? Remember, communication is the key to a happy marriage. Good Luck!
2006-06-27 17:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by icemountian8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. You made the decision to marry someone you never loved, and you made that poor decision worse by having children with him.
How come you aren't saying why you and your "soulmate" broke up? There are some missing parts there. He didn't love you? He's a loser? What?
You say the "love is gone", but then you say it was never there. Which is it?
2006-06-27 17:58:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stayed in a marriage for 25 miserable years, for the sake of my kids, and I love all three of them very much, but if I had it to do over, I don't know that I would do it. I wouldn't however, leave their Mother for another woman, I just wouldn't stay with her. If you leave for another man, your kids will lose respect for you, most likely........my kids did, when their Mother left with another man. If you need to leave to better yourself then do it, but not for another man, I wouldn't! Good Luck!
2006-06-27 17:08:20 · answer #6 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say if your not happy in your marriage your kids will sense it. Kids adjust just fine to new situations as long as they still have both parents in their lives.
2006-06-27 17:37:47 · answer #7 · answered by sweetie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counselling. but keep in mind your children are the most important persons in your life. it's their happiness and well being that counts, not yours. sorry, that's life for responsible individuals. too late to turn the clock back....
2006-06-27 17:06:01 · answer #8 · answered by marabierto1961 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did u marry him then if u never loved him, and they say men think with the wrong head
2006-06-27 17:03:35 · answer #9 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you picked it to be this way now you want it that way? good luckl.
2006-06-27 17:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by chevy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋