A question for gay people.?

Question

I just read Bruce Bs question "Does this confuse anyone but me?" and I couldnt answer but it made me want to ask something that Ive always wondered about gays. Im not gay, so maybe I'LL get crucified for this, but Id like some valid answers for my 5 points.

I dont understand why it is that gay men, who do not find women sexually attractive, adopt effeminate mannerisms and speak with exaggerated feminine voices and essentially ACT like women? The same applys to lesbian women that go to far extremes to mask their femininity. If they dont like men, why do they try to appear as one? I know that this does not pertain to ALL gays, and perhaps is a stereotype but you have to admit...it IS noticibly common. So why is this?

Years ago I had some friends who were lesbians and I remember them sniping each other behind their backs about ""she dresses so straight"" like that was some homo-unspoken rule-broken offense. Obviuosly theres some peer-pressure in the gay community to conform?

Update.... to clarify. The part I dont understand.....if you are TRYING to attract a mate/lover/whatever, wouldnt you act and dress in a way that they would most find attractive? Why would you purposefully chose to dress/talk/act with mannerisms that the partner you seek to attract has rejected?

Answer 1

I think some gay men flame out to be flamboyant. They can't be flamboyant like football players---it’s just not glamorous; so they have to do it like cheerleaders (legs kicking up in the air, pom poms abound).

Like someone said earlier, it’s a learned trait. I agree. But also, I think it’s a relaxing technique some of us use. After a hard day at the office, we would like to let our hair down, unclench our fists and let our wrists limp forward unobtrusively. We sway our hips, pretending our imaginary gossamer skirts are billowing out, touching everything and everyone in sight, bringing joy and a whiff of a good fabric softener.

God bless.

Answer 2

You do realise this is only a stereotype right? Stereotypes are based on minority behaviour within a group that most of the group dont conform to. An ordinary gay person you wouldnt even know they were gay because they would act and sound like everyone else. Unfortunately the media is obsessed with portraying gays as stereotypes because this is sensalationist and thats what gets ratings.

And yeah its noticeably common because it stands out. These are the in your face type, they are not all that common even if it seems that way. There are far more that dont flaunt it and just want a quiet life. An ordinary way of behaving doesnt stand out so you dont see them as gay. Some gays feel they have to adopt the stereotypes to be gay, some are just like that anway, but most arent..

Answer 3

Hey,

Can't answer for every gay male on Earth, but I'll tell you that as a gay male, I wonder that too. I sometimes find myself acting that way when I'm around my really "Queenie" friends.
I think that some gay men think that is how they are supposed to be, since for the longest time that has been the stereotype for every gay man.
It could also be that they are rejecting the macho-what a man is supposed to be mold that society puts on men. Men are supposed to be like John Wayne or Rambo, according to this stereotype, and for men who are told that they are less than men-don't often feel that they feel that mold. By the way, I have met many straight guys who are VERY effeminate-I think that they act that way because of school/social settings that tell them that they aren't as macho as say the captain of the football team. So, what else does that leave you?
The same thing could apply to lesbians. I know many of the more "butch" lesbians don't feel comfortable in dresses and skirts, etc. So for some of them it is a comfort issue.
And yes, there is a peer pressure in the gay community for us to fit in what other gays and lesbains think we should. It's really odd since we're supposed to be this big loving community, and yet we keep tearing each other apart.
I hope that I have been somewhat of a help to ya, and have a great one!!

Answer 4

I promise not to crucify you.

Have you met a straight guy that was exaggeratedly masculine?
Every single "attribute" of the "macho" dude? Hunting, fishing, "f"ing all the women, telling all about it. Dresses like a bum, and grooms like a cave man. Thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant, better have dinner on the table when I get back from my girlfriend's house yellin. Egotistical, boasting, beer guzzling, yahoo of a son of a b i t c h? You've never met a straight stereotype before?

What about the middle age ultra-feminine chick who talks like a little girl, is a bimbo and who, in her own mind, is still queen of the prom? She doesn't get that a case of beer a week and a 40 dollar bag a day of meth made her into a hag, but she has to try to make it because she has three kids, a drunk for a boyfriend, and only a few teeth left? You don't know her?

You know as well as I do that you cannot judge any group of people by only taking into account the most extreme examples of that group. Straight people don't want to be judged by the guests on the Jerry Springer show do they?

I thought not.

Answer 5

Question taken at face value.

First of all, this is one of the areas where I'm pretty sure men are really different from women. With men, there's some people where they're just being themselves. However, there's also something to be said for visibility. There aren't as many of us as there are of you; some people feel they need to go the extra mile to get noticed. Some of my friends "turn it on and off" for the situation. Personally, I can if I want to, but usually I only do as a joke.

With women, there IS the same, but I think there's also something to be said for more gender exploration. Society accepts that it's ok for women to want to have masculine traits, in part because this society assigned all of the desirable traits as "masculine". There is also some slight connection with the feminist movement (in one of the earlier waves of feminism, the thought was that women should try to be exactly like men to get the same rights as men; the later movement realized that they shouldn't have to). THe next part is a little bit guesswork, but I've noticed more...fluidity in the gender expressions of lesbians than gay men; or more precisely more acceptance of what fluidity exists. Gender doesn't just consist of male and female necessarily, and I think some lesbians aren't afraid to occupy the in-between areas.

Answer 6

I think that this is a stereotype for gays and lesbians. Yes, there are gays/lesbians that have a more fem or more masculine trait than others. I am about as girlie-girl as they come. My partner, however, is very much the butch. She's not so butch that you don't know she's a girl but she's definately the more masculine of us. It's just how she is. She has no time in her life for frills and make-up. She was like this even as a child. Didn't get into the pink frilly dresses or little patent leather shoes! It is who she is. But let me assure you that there are PLENTY of feminine lesbians who WANT to be with an equally as feminine lesbian. Same for gay guys as well. There are plenty of macho gay men who want to be with someone just as macho.

Answer 7

A very good question, indeed, my dear lady!. Not all gay men affect feminine attitudes nor do all gay women become manly. For some it's simply who they are. I more find it offensive that business women dress and act like men. Not all gay people act like the opposite sex. Many of us blend into the communities and are rather innocuous. The only way you'd know we were gay is to overhear a conversation or peek into our bedrooms (please don't..hee). There is no peer pressure in the "community" to conform...or if there is, it's no more than what's in the heterosexual community in the same vein. You've asked a very good question. I hope you get some good answers.

Answer 8

There is always peer presure. One of the biggest is the christian views of one man oen woman. Many gays, ussually younger one think they need to femme to attract a masculine man to take care fo them. They end up trying to be the woman in search of thier man. Most tend to grow out of this phase ina few years. When they realize they can be themselves and still attracta nice guy.

However, something to remember. this world is made of many types of people. Diversity and acceptance is what the gays ask for. Equal rights no matter who they are or want to be. So stop asking why they act like that. Learn to accept it and enjoy the diversity life can offer.

Answer 9

I think some behave like the opposite sex because they believe this what they must do in order to "fit in" to the gay community--mostly because they've internalized the stereotype of gay people that's pushed in popular culture. I think many later realize that they don't have to "act" in any particular way, rather, they can just be themselves.

Having said that, I think that there are other gay people who behave like the opposite sex simply because that's who they are--it's just a part of what makes them the individuals they are. In other words, some are not "acting"; they are just "being" (who they are).

Answer 10

well its not like we have a choice how to speak just like we didnt have a choice how to be gay
its all part of our genetic makeup, some are effeminate some are masculine. A lot of gay men you would have no clue that they had sex with men unless you knew them very well!
Its all part of the world and if we were all the same we would be very ugly people
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