How can I learn to trust my husband... Men and Women please try to answer?

Question

My husband is a wonderful man, he's super sexy in my opinion (Keith W on my friends list on my 360 page) and I'm always worried he will find a skinnier, cuter, or whatever girl than me and leave me. He swears he wouldn't even notice a girl to be any of those things and that he only wants me...but I feel like I can't trust that. When we have had problems it is me that usually walks away and so then he worries that I will leave him, but I would never want to leave him. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How can I convince both him and myself that neither of us are going anywhere? Thanks for your advice in advance....and any opinion on whether or not you think he is hypothetically atractive to you or not would be nice to see how many women of what age think he's cute.. Anyway, thanks again yall

Answer 1

You and my wife would get along great -- she's the same way. Have you had extreme rejection in your past? A divorce in the family? High School relationship that caused a lot of pain? Even jealous comments from other girls can hurt and cause a person to have low, self-esteem.

Next, do you have a reason to distrust your husband? You may not be crazy... you may have intuition. But before you go there, stay supportive and loving (you got the attractive part, btw) and he'll have no reason to look elsewhere.

We've been married 18 years and she still quizzes me periodically on whether I read the Victoria's Secret catalogue or look at good-looking women. She's still gorgeous to me and there will never be one to replace her.

I can sum it up in this one moment (those of weak stomachs for syruppy romance, look away). We went to a small, french restaurant in Carmel, CA on our anniversary. It was 2 days before Valentine's Day and the place was empty -- it was so COOL because the waiter was wearing a tux and he was like having our own, personal butler for the evening since the place was empty. He would rush over and refill our champagne (with peach nectar and schnapps, yum) and our food was great. I looked across at my wife who had given me 4 children over the years and said, "When you are 85 years old, I will still be able to see those sparkling, hazel eyes looking back at me just as beautifully as they are this evening."

Our friendship that we've developed over the past 18 years still has issues of trust, but time has made them smaller and easier to work with.

Answer 2

It's not easy... i'll tell you that, especially if you've been cheated on in the past! I'm assuming at this point that the only reason you are having trouble trusting him is "in your head" -- there is no circumstantial or physical evidence to "convict" him.

If he's telling you that he's not noticing other women, he's lying. End of story. Men just can't control the way their eyes roam. My advice is to learn to accept this and know that your husband would never actually ACT on these instincts. Being open with each other about other people that you find attractive should help strengthen your bond. For example, if you see a hot guy that you MUST look at, point it out, and then tell your husband how and why he's sooooo much better. If he's anything like my husband, or most men for that matter, they will be absolutely floored that you have reasons that they are better than the typical "sexy guy"

As for him being hot and worrying about having a gaggle of horny women chasing him, that probably would only happen in his wildest fantasies! Women can be predators, but usually they want something other than sex, and a man will see this immediately and just not be interested. And, most men will think a woman that is too easy is, well, too easy and not want to touch that.

In conclusion, unless he's cheated on you in the past, or there is real evidence that he has been cheating, give him the benefit of the doubt. He wouldn't have married you if he thought he could find himself anyone better than you. I'm sure in his eyes, you really are the most beautiful woman in the world! Just allow him the occasional sidelong glance or pornographic magazine... knowing that you won't freak out over something like that will make him even more secure with you and make you seem even more attractive to him than you already are.

Answer 3

Well, you never know where you're going. Things happen to people sometimes that they never in a million years would've imagined. These things include break-ups, falling outs, divorces, god forbid. I think you should be a little more confident in yourself. You look wonderful and since all I have to go by is your use of proper grammer in asking this question I would think you're pretty smart to boot. I don't think trust is something you can learn, per se, it's something that's either there or not there just as it is with love. Trust yourself to just go with the flow and be the best wife you know how to be. Stimulate your husband and I don't mean that sexually but I'm not excluding that. Make him want to be the best husband that he knows how to be. It's not easy but it's worth trying because after all you did commit yourselves to one another, all that money, all that time just to get married. There will be bumps in the road but hopefully 50 years from now you'll be able to laugh about them because you're more in love than ever before and with the medicinal technology you'll still be able to bone like a couple of 20 year olds. Isn't life great?! I digress. Um, it's not guaranteed that your husband will respond to your efforts but if you feel things aren't going like you feel they should then talk to him, communicate. It's necessary in any relationship, right? Right! Well, that's that. I hope it all works out for you. There's nothing wrong with being aware of what's going on in your relationship. You can do that without getting paranoid that your husband is two timing you. Best of luck to you and your mate!

Answer 4

You need to trust him and listen to what he has to say. Not trusting him will ruin your marriage and push him away. As long as you and him can talk about all this then you are fine. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He chose to be with you so he loves you. Just be happy you found somebody that is good to you ans loves you for you. You sound like a wonderful couple. Don't worry so much, enjoy him. Don't be so insecure. Think positive. Always talk about the things that bother you and listen when he talks. Communication is the key to a good marriage. Don't walk away from the problems stick it out. There are probably a lot a negative people going post here just ignore them if they do. Good Luck!!!

wicked_dump you don't need to be so rude. she was asking for advice and if you didn't want to give you shouldn't have. Grow up!!

Answer 5

Man...jealously is so destructive.

I honestly have only been jealous once in my life with my husband. And it was so stupid that we laugh about it still.

My husband had commented that he loved the "chunky" style shoes that were big about 10 years ago. Personally, they aren't for me. I don't like them and don't think they would look good on me. So the next day, he has an appointment with an ad exec and I see her and she has on clunky shoes. I was PMSing at the time and I broke down and cried.

He makes me feel like a queen and I have no idea where that jealousy came from.

Please try to understand that HE PICKED YOU. The good, the bad and the ugly. He loves YOU. There is always going to be someone cuter, someone skinnier, or whatever. That's just the facts of life. I know that I was made for my husband (actually, since I'm older, he was made for me...LOL). And that's what you have to remember with your husband.

And don't walk away when you have problems. That just opens a door that NEVER needs to be open. Don't leave him stranded, drowning in worry and sadness.

Write down your wedding vows and give it to him. Tell him they weren't just words but a true commitment to him and also to your marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 6

You are a very attractive woman and need to recognize that. I am not saying it will push him away, but many times insecurity does seem to have that effect on others. You need to recognize your own self-worth and that is something no one else can give to you. Someone once told me it would help to write down all of your positive attributes, but I found it helped more when I tried to come up with negative attributes and found that most of them were just positive character traits carried to the extreme. Anyway, if he is not looking at or for other women why go looking for problems, life throws enough of them at us without creating more for ourselves. I really have no advice on how to improve your self esteem as this is very personal and is different for each person, but try complimenting yourself each day, keep a journal of compliments you received, accomplishments you acheived, anything that makes you feel good. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Did you ever read the Beauty tips by Audrey Hepburn? Anyway, there is always gonna be someone younger, skinnier, cuter, whatever, but there is only one YOU and God created you in his image! I think you need to learn to love and trust yourself not your husband! I used to ask my husband why he loved me now I ask myself, "How could anyone not love you?" Takes the pressure off both of us.

Answer 7

To me it sounds like you are the problem. You keep telling him that he's gonna find someone else, someone better. You don't tell that to your lover, that's like telling them go ahead and find someone better than me cause i don't have any self esteem. You two need to sit and talk about your problems, what is the cause of the problems. Devote some time for each other and some ME time too. You can't expect to be with him 24/7, sometimes people need space, even if it's an hour alone, they need it or they go nuts. Try not to be pushy on him or controlling, not that you are but just in case. Sex has a lot to do in a relationship too. If he asks you for sex, don't look at him like he's crazy, that just makes him not wanna ask you anymore. Try finidng stuff you both like and doing it, like going to the park or something. Me personally, i always hated when a girl would say that i was gonna leave them and find someone better, don't say stuff like that, it's not healthy for a relationship. So what if women think his cute, he's with you and you gotta make sure you keep him but don't be a psychotic paranoid.

Answer 8

There is a philosophy that basically says that people will eventually become what you constantly call them. An example is the child that is always told he is stupid or worthless...he'll most likely grow up with a horrible self esteem. Was he really stupid or did he become stupid because everyone told him that? Instead of constantly telling your husband, verbally and non verbally, that you worry about his fidelity, you should be praising him for loving you. Your constant worrying may backfire on you...he might eventually decide that regardless what he does or doesn't do, you'll still think he will be unfaithful...so why not be unfaithful. You should be bathing in the luxury of his love. You are such a fortunate person. Don't screw this up...you'll never do better than him.

Answer 9

If you are the one who walks away and you have the confidence why would you let him be insecure about your relationship. Hardly seems fair to me. In return he is probably trying his best to be like you and doesn't realize that you have the same insecurities when shoes change feet. Trust is earned and if he hasnt done anything to violate or make you mistrust your insecurities are driving you and he will help if he sees you do the same thing. In essence, stop trying to help yourself and help him and he will do the same for you. Partnering, gee what a concept. Man and wife helping each other instead of divorce. Now is the time to do something refreshing and from the heart, help your partner get over a hump and help yourself to boot. Would it not be worth the effort to gain that security and what would your hubby be like if he had a little more confidence about you. Wow, you and he might not fight at all. What a concept? Sorry for the sarcasm but it was just to help you see both sides. Remember when you step out of the mindset of I and me, you grow into the one of WE, US, and OUR. It is the strongest of bonds between two people. The I , ME is so destructive and keeps the relationship from having little things like trust.

Answer 10

Let's start with self esteem there is always going to be someone skinnier and cuter than someone else and if you think you can be left as a result, I hope you look for ways to boost your self esteem and stop worrying about such.

What if you are left for someone skinnier and cuter than you will find out however painful it is that he wasn't the one for you in the first place. You shouldn't need convincing of whether you or him are going anywhere but enjoy the moment that you do know he's there with you.