I don't like my potential daughter-in-law. What do I say when my son asks if I like her?

Question

My 28 year old son has been dating a girl for two years. He lives in a city about 3 hours away. I met the girl more than a year and a half ago. Although she is pleasant, and I have had about 7 visits with her, I have not come to like her. I find her superficial, materialistic and too focused on having fun. My husband has the same impression. My son has this side to his personality and she brings it out. I prefer his serious, helpful side. After every time I spend with her my son asks what I think of her. I have dodged the question by answering that I really don't know her very well but she seems nice. My son and his girlfriend stayed with us this weekend. She and I did a fun girl activity for a couple of hours and I still see the same qualities I don't care for. My son wants me to like her and approve of him marrying her. I don't but realize he probably will marry her and don't want to say anything that will alienate him. So what should I say when he asks if I like her?

Answer 1

You can be honest without being hurtful to your son. You are entitled to your opinion about anyone but remember this: Is your son happy with her? And like you said, you really haven't spent that much time with her. It could be that she might be overdoing it when trying to impress you in getting you to like her. She may come off as superficial and materialistic because she might be so worried that she isn't meeting your standards for your son. It could be her way of making you see that she is concerned about having nice things and a nice life with her future husband. As far as having fun, she might be trying to take advantage of her youth. Time goes by too fast to worry about petty things. You don't sound like an unreasonable person and I think you can overcome these issues with her. If they have lasted this long and he is contemplating marriage, I don't think she is so bad.

Answer 2

I have to say that maybe you really just dont REALLY know her, I find several visits and a weekend not really enough time to get to know the real her you know. I mean be fair have you ever thought of how nervous and anxious she may feel around you and your husband? I mean I think you are saying EXACTLY the right thing saying you don't really know her. You do trust and love your son, right? And I assume you've raised him to be a good person, yes? Give him the benefit Mom I'll bet when she's more comfortable she'll seem more likeable AND if she is in fact materialistic chances are the more she's around people who AREN"T she'll start changing that a lil there may be reason's she's like that you don't know about . I mean there HAS to be good qualities or your son wouldn't be with her , right? Ease up a lil bit Mom things will prolly fall right in place for ya. We also sometimes have to wonder HOW her parents raised her you know, sometimes a lil push in the right direction is all a person needs. Good Luck and I hope all works out for ALL of you. Take care and God Bless

Answer 3

You need to say that if he likes her that's all that matters. You won't be living with her so it's not really that important that you don't like her qualities just so long as you can half *** stand her.
My mother in law told my husband she didn't like me after the first time we met and well we had a baby and got married and a couple years later in the middle of a fight he informed me she didn't want him to be with me and totally was against us getting married even though we had a child she still wanted him to be free of me. You know what he have been married for 6+ years and my hubby and I get along great. Plus she loved the girl her other son brought home and totally approved and they got married and had a baby but you know what she did to my brother in law a couple years later? I'll tell you she cheated on him and had another mans baby. And to think that was the girl my mother in law approved of but you know what since that happened my mother in law has even come to me and admitted she was wrong about how she felt towards me.
So I say you need to let your son decide who he should marry. And be honest by saying that you feel he doesn't need your approval he is a big boy and if wants to marry her then so be it, it's his life.

Answer 4

I am 25 years old, and as a mother, and someone who has learned her lesson in the relationship department, I would like to say that "momma knows best"! On the other hand...............I am the product of a possible mother-in-law to be not liking me, either. She doesn't know me that well. I simply love her because she brought her son into this world, whom I love with all my heart. She doesn't talk very nice about me, and he tells me that. But, ya know, I have learned to keep my mouth shut if I don't have anything nice to say, and maybe that is being snotty or rude or something, but sometimes people just don't know what to say. Give the girl a chance. After all, maybe you could get to liking her as you know her better. Maybe your son should reconsider marrying someone he thinks is superficial, materialistic and too focused on having fun. You don't talk about someone like that behind their back, if you love them and what to marry them.

Answer 5

What matters is that she makes your son happy. Remember you don't have to like her just be nice to her.. She also has to be nice to you(Respect one another). If he asks just tell him yes, she's very nice. That's it.. Sometimes white lies is good. Parents always want the best for their kids.. the truth is that you really don't see how she acts when they are alone. Maybe she's nervous and tries to meet your expectations. My advice..give her a try, think back to when you were his age what would you do if your parents didn't like your boyfriend at the time which is your husband now?

Answer 6

Don't say you don't like her...cause then he might resent asking you an dmight just rebell and we don't want that.Just say that you love him very much and it's his choice not yours and if he truly thinks that she is the one for him then he should make his decision.After all he is the one who has to live with that individual.I suggest you spend more time with her,get to know the girl whom ur son's inlove with because quite frankly u can't possibly know someone after 2-3 meetings.Tell your son she seems like a nice person but you don't really know her enough to know if u truly like her.
Good luck

Answer 7

I accept as true with each individual else- it isn't your wedding ceremony! Having attended many Lutheran amenities (because of my various Lutheran acquaintances- i'm Presbyterian) that is amazingly on the point of a Catholic service and hence extremely ritualized compared to different churches. it really is in her protection- because you experience like she is "overanalyzing" her personal wedding ceremony service. She isn't Lutheran, so why would you assume her to have a Lutheran wedding ceremony? i desire your son has the heart to face as a lot as you. i'm extremely grateful that my destiny mom-in-regulation is a really sort, comprehend-how lady who listens to what her son and that i favor for our wedding ceremony. a minimum of if she disagrees with what i favor she pretends to love it. My existence will be a lot extra troublesome if I had a witchy destiny MIL like you.

Answer 8

tell him it's not weather you like her that matters (and it's not) he is the one that has to live with her. I can tell you as a mother no one will ever be good enough for my baby boy and I'm sure many mothers feel the same however if she makes him happy be happy for him and give them your blessing don't risk losing you son

Answer 9

Tell him he asked so you are going to tell him the truth. No, you do not like her. And don't get mad at you, he asked and he needs to be man enough to handle the truth as you're always going to tell him the truth and the truth will not always be what he wants to hear. If he asks you how does his dad feel about her, tell him to ask his father himself. You don't speak for his dad, he's capable of doing that himself.

Answer 10

You dont want to push him away but honestly I would really want to know what my mom thought of my bf. I'm not saying I would dump him if she didn't like him but I would take what she had to say in consideration. Maybe he will see her in a new light.