What is his deal?

Question

My ex-husband does not live anywhere near me. When I told him I wanted a divorce, he basically said he would write me a check and then he never wanted anything to do with me ever again. However, now he's invited himself to my friends' wedding and sent an expensive gift. He's also pulled some random stunts, like refusing to mail some keepsakes to me or lying and saying that his parents had already given my wedding gown to charity (I had planned on selling it).

Over the last few months, I have tried to be very kind and patient. I know he's going through a lot right now, but so am I! And I don't need his drama when I already have plenty of my own.

How do I defuse this situation?

Answer 1

As for your friend's wedding, don't let it bother you. He is just trying to not look like the bad guy to your friend. That is why he is going out of his way to attend her wedding and give an extravagant gift. As for the dress and keepsakes, he is trying to hang on to them out of reluctance to lose the marriage. Give him time. He will get over it on his own. You can't really do anything to speed that up. It is like mourning the dead...we all do it at our own pace.

Answer 2

Talk with your attorney. You'll need someone to handle the legalities. Get things in writing between you and your ex. You don't want him to agree on something, then change his mind later. The items you want back might be considered community property, but if your ex really doesn't want these things, he may just turn them over to you in the end.

It sounds like your ex is upset about you wanting a divorce and is just making things difficult. It's childish, but people who are hurt tend to react this way.

Answer 3

Meet with him or talk to him on the phone to try and discuss whats really going on. Let him know that you know he is hurting, that you are both hurting, but that you both need to move forward, and should treat each other respectfully.