Why is it so important that kids have sex so young?

Question

I am a 48 yr. old mother of 3 and grandmother of 4 and I think it is so sad that there is so much emphasis placed on having sex among young people these days. I want to hear from the teenagers, specifically! Why is it so important that you rush into having sex? Why don't teenagers have more respect for themselves, and place more importance on morals and character these days? I'm not trying to be judgemental, I'm truly concerned about this. My children are grown so it isn't because I have young teens that I ask this. I truly am curious as to why it seems to be a priority among teenagers. So many times I read questions on here from teens about sex and, most of the time, the questions that are asked wouldn't even have to be asked if that person was mature enough to have sex in the first place. Please help this granny understand. Thanks!

Answer 1

Unfortunately, your premises are flawed: sex among persons not yet having attained the age of legal majority ("minors") has for a very long time been diminishing both in terms of the numbers of such persons having engaged in initial sexual activity and in terms of frequency of repeated sexual activity among such persons. Sex among minors is relatively rare.

However, if there is any unnatural cause for sex among minors, it is the LIES told to them about sex, to wit: (1) children are told that sex is a life-changing, earth-shaking, mind-blowing experience that is so special it should be reserved to them and their respective spouses;

(2) children (especially girls) are told that premarital sex "ruins" them, and makes them undesirable. While this is usually put in terms of "undesirable as a wife," it is universally translated as "undesirable as a person, and unworthy of even the minimum levels love, respect and dignity that all humans deserve."

(3) the principle of "you break it, you buy it" applies.

RE 1): As a victim of religiosity, having despite innumerable opportunities as a teen remained a virgin until after I was married (at 34.5 YEARS -- quality is important, right?), I can now say with absolute certainty that sex is pleasant, but it isn't going to make the sun rise in the west or make your hair turn blue: it's okay, but it isn't anywhere close to being the mind-warping, life-altering, ecstasy-inducing experience that everyone made it out to be.

Bowing to the demands of religiosity, I later divorced my wife (who had bragged about my performance to all her friends, and tried to "hook me up" with them and her mom) -- which, in retrospect, was incredibly stupid.

Societal morality has demanded that I hide my proverbial lamp under a bushel, and I have bowed to the whims of society and religion rather than acting upon the desires that God put in my heart from the beginning. I am confident this is a thing for which I will ultimately have to answer to God.

RE 2): As to the notion of a woman being "ruined" by premarital sex, or "challenged for a mate" if she has a child: my wife was divorced from a husband she had for 9+ years, and she had 2 boys by him -- a 2yo and a 5yo, the latter taking the max adult dose of ritalin on account of ADHD -- and she had sex with more than 5 other guys before me. But when I met her, I knew she was a really great person, and all the sex history didn't matter: it was in the past.

When she and I met: she was VERY pretty (think "trophy wife"), in dental hygiene school and surviving as a single mom; her ex was a cop that hated the kids (even though he was the sperm donor) and hated her for having them. I had a small airfreight business and was doing okay for myself; she said I was handsome, but I think she was being generous ;)

RE 3): I attended private schools; both married persons and pregnant persons were prohibited from attending as students. Several kids from my school married before finishing high school (and so, quit) -- which obviously didn't do much for their future careers.

Some young women skipped a year or two because of a pregnancy being kept secret; when they returned, they had a little brother or sister, but the school never challenged it -- most likely because of the influence of either the impregnator's or the impregnatee's parents, or both.

Those girls obviously had the support of their parents in rearing the child, and they remained well-adjusted -- and usually MUCH more well-mannered than they had previously been.

Some young women had abortions; those that did seemed terribly traumatized and had continual psychological and behavioral problems at least as long as they remained in school, despite having theretofore been polite, well-behaved and apparently sane. That's not a comment on the morality of what they chose (or were forced to choose): it's just what I personally observed.

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The rarity of sex among minors translates directly to, and correlates with, an increasing lack of wisdom among both young adults and persons approaching the age of majority, and signals an alarming trend away from both independent thought and reason.

In short, such persons are much more susceptible to brainwashing, mind control (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_control, links) and other practices of corrupt ideological organizations and charismatic personalities -- including, but not limited to, churches and other religious organizations, social policy organizations, political organizations, pastors and other clergy, laypersons associated with a church or other religious organization, and government officials.

The trend of the world is to make war in preference to making love -- and that trend is gaining strength and momentum.

Through conspicuous adherence to religious dogma, I wasted my early life by not availing myself of the sexual opportunities that were presented to me; moreover, I am now convinced that my failure to do the natural thing was an affront for which I will have to answer to the Creator -- the God who gave my heart its desires, and whose desires I ignored in order to satisfy the corrupt moral programs (celibacy outside marriage) of institutionalized religion.

Each person (understanding the nature and quality of the act or acts to be performed) should decide for himself or herself if, when and (at his or her sole discretion regarding age, disparity of age, sex, race, ethnicity, religion or any other factor) with whom he or she is willing to have sex -- and upon only their mutual consent ought to engage therein, without any threat of sanction being applied against any party or parties to that sexual activity.

It is not rightly the job of either parents or society to prohibit such persons from engaging in sex; however, with respect to the sexuality of their children, the chief job of parents is to prepare their children to be competent sovereign executors of personal sexuality -- with the understanding that this simple task (teaching the child how to be a responsible steward of his or her sexuality) is to be completed between the birth of the child and that child's having attained puberty.

None of this is to suggest that a person ought to have sex at any particular age or simply on account of his or her body being capable of performing the associated acts: there are plenty of persons in their 30s that ought not be having sex yet (and perhaps ought not ever).

It is to state unequivocally that sexuality is rightly regarded as both (a) personal to the individual and (b) absolutely private between those consenting therein performance of the act or acts, and any audience or audiences with whom the performers are willing to share one or more aspects of the sexual experience.

Answer 2

I am 18 years old... I think it's mostly the media's influence that potrays wrong or unrealistic characters and make them look real. Most teenagers I think have sex at a younger age to feel more like adults. In my opinion if 2 people are in love, and I mean really in love and have gone through many ups and downs in their relationship and surpassed them all and still love each other deeply, they are ready to have sex. The age and time would not really matter at that point. But if both people are young, and they just don't know each other and have no serious relationship, then I would say no, wait. Life is definitely not just about sex. And I think that the only way to try to imitate adults is trying to be responsible, which is something that even adults sometimes fail to do, sex is not a demostration of maturity. Sex is but an intimate act of love between 2 people, which makes the relationship more intimate that it could ever be and something that should be done only if the 2 are sure they really love each other.

Answer 3

it's being pushed on kids at all different ages .just watch television and see how many show ,cartoons and most everything else has sex in it .the government is taking away the morals of the people , first prayers in school ,and you can't show certain things anymore ,that has anything too do with religion,our country was founded on religion and laws for the people.now the only laws are the ones the government wants in forced .you can't correct your child ,except by grounding ,what a joke. the government is taking control of everything and IT seems the people aren't a part of the government anymore.we are 18 n 19 and our family was and still is very close .ask yourself when was the last time you gave your child a hug for no reason or sit down and talk with him ? they will listen . be there for them ,monitor what they watch on tv or the net and especially thier friends .too be a family and have morals together as one everyone has too be a part of it ,there is too much put on wealth these days.it nice too see all the new elecronics ,but these also take away from familes ,a dinner used too be thought out ,but now ,it's open a box and pop it in the microwave and presto inner .will stop don't want too rumble on as this is going too be a question with so many different answers but not one too pin point the reason .ours is families not being familes anymore .

Answer 4

Look grannie

The bottom line.. teenagers are moving from parental control to personal responsibility. Eventhough the decisions might not be well guided, the fact is.. having sex is nothing more than exploring with feelings that are new. We have only felt love for our parents and pets.. now we are having feeling for the first time outside of the family cirlce. Right or wrong... it's a normal progression to relationships that are not founded on "true Emotional connections (ie.. friends.. common bonds, personal interest..).. we are connected by attraction and being loved by someone other than our family. Sex is just one of the steps.. when the relationship has no other foundation... As long as we use good sense or safe practices.. then we can get through these times without too much harm.. eventually, we will reduce our relationship to the things that are more in line with our love we find in our family and this is how we will eventually settle on our life partner... thanks for the concern... but basically..it is what it is....

Answer 5

As one granny to another [would you like a cup of tea?] Our generation did a misguided job of raising our kids! The 60's& 70's were a social experment and not all experments work as planned.Our [not meaning yours or mine] children got the idea that every one could have it all and that kids only needed one parent. In other words they are greedy. In the quest for the biggest house and the highest paying job and three cars ect..... they forgot about our grandchildren . The youngsters of to day have no guidance. A lot have no good male roll model and each parent brings something to the plate. Mothers teach us one set of behaviors and dads another. One thing I wish people would think about before they have sex with anyone . Is this the type of person I would want my baby to spend the weekend with? If the answer is no then don't have sex with them cause it just might happen! Kids need more attion from their parents! If they don't find it at home they will look elswhere!

Answer 6

It's more openly exeptable nowadays then ever before. Where it was once a taboo to be so open about sex, these days you see it adevertised on Tv, magazines, posters, and anywhere else you look. Since it's so easy to access, children, adolescents, and teens are discovering and experiancing sexual activity that they don't fully understand yet, and are too immature physically and mentally to cope with. Im not saying that young people shouldn't understand how sex works, but i do believe theres a such thing as "knowing" too soon. It takes away their childhood, and they could possibly end up in dangerous situation becuase they do not fully understand the responsiblity and consequences of sexual activity before marriage.
So basically, I think it's the media's fault for putting pressure on young people, and the parent's fault for being too oblivious as to what their child is up to.

Answer 7

Granny.... I agree with everything you wrote. I also read all of the answers... now.... here's my take on this..

I am 47, divorcee with no children. Have been with a widower for almost 5 years now. He has two girls. Today they are 13 and 18.

I can tell you that they are both virgins and are not rushing into the boyfriend thing. Even the 18 year old. She does not have a boyfriend.

It has to do with how are they raised and how much parental supervision is given to the kids. Yes, many in here wrote the media and TV has a role to play, but I still stand to say and believe that it is up to the parent(s) to raise the kids right.

We control and monitor all TV, video games and Internet for both girls. Although they are typical teenagers, they do not rebel against the house rules and the way their father has raised them.

No runaway thoughts, no suicidal thoughts, just down right good kids. They do not hang out with friends,.... It's just them. They are very much home bodies, which is fine with me and their father.

They hug him every day and they tell him they love him. I feel as a widower, he has done a fine job raising two girls.

Answer 8

Well for one I want to say it's not a priority with all teens. But of course the older you get (probably 15 to 17) you feel you have more of an authority, you feel that you have more power over your own body and that you can do whatever you want with it. Most likely boys just want to look cool in front of their friends even when they don't have sex. Most girls are never ready they just decide to go because their boyfriend or whoever says so. To most teenagers it's still a soft topic to talk about not to mention doing it. I've seen many teenagers get themselves into strange situations, like one girl at my middle school in 7th grade got pregnant at like 12 and she was showing it off like it was cool. Everyone didn't look up to her for it, but they talked about it and how they would never do it. So to answer your question it's not a priority to all teens just rebels who aren' t getting enough attention at home and people who want to look cool.

Answer 9

If you look back 150 years, it was very normal for a girl to get married and have children at a young age, 13 and on. Also, if you notice, the world had alot less problems back then. I see no reason for an 18 years old or even a 16 year old to have sex as long as they use the proper protection. If there is a child born, then parents should offer advice on raising the child, not critisizm of the young couple, forcing them apart or to run away together, and trying to raise it on their own.

Answer 10

I was a mother at 14 years old and I do NOT recommend sex under at least 18. Not only does it damage your body it makes it harder to have kids later when you find a real father not just a sperm donor. Also dates are no fun whe you have to pack a bag and a car seat.If there is any teenager out there who wants to hear the cold hard facts about teenage pregnancy I will be happy to help.Thanks granny for being concerned.

Answer 11

I am 17 and I too hate this aspect of society. I have a girlfriend and we have both agreed that we will stay virgins until we get married. It is SO rare to find another teenager who has a deep mind nowadays. She is truly a blessing, we are both so similar and we both hate how shallow society has become. Sometimes we feel as if we are souls from earlier times stuck in young bodies during modern times. Rushing to have sex is just plain ignorant, people who do this are just plain idiots. Sex is something that is being abused too much these days. Most young people have sex because of lust not love. Sex is something that should be experienced only with the love of your life and if that person is truly the love of your life then you should both wait until after you are married. If someone marries you and stays with you then that means they love you for you, not just for sex. Sex is a responsibility that most young people do not understand they just go, "bam bam thank you ma'am."