Why am I so lonely whenever I'm by myself?

Question

I get lonely whenever I'm not around people, however, I always put myself in this situation. I have no idea why..it's like I want to be miserable by myself. I have no desire to maintain friendships and I push people away from me on purpose. Is there anyone else out there like this? Do I have some kind of disorder? I feel like I'm really unbalanced most of the time. I cry when I'm by myself alot even though I don't physically change the situation and go out with friends and do something. What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

thats wat people felt whenever theyre lonely. DUH!!

Answer 2

I think that somewhere in your childhood you felt you were always getting left behind by people your cared for. This could be a reverse effect on why you send people away - for the very reason that they may leave you for whatever reasons, you send them out of your life subconsciously. This was done to me when I was very little. I actually became a loner and did not want to play with my close friends. The feeling was overwhelming to say the least to have people leave and you did not want to be alone.

Try to remember the times you were left alone and scared. Write about those feelings and then affirm that you had the right to feel that way. And then tell yourself that you do not deserve to be alone. Try going out to setting where people are and strike up a conversation with someone. Notice how it makes you feel. Go other places and talk to people. If you see them again, try to connect. This will be a conscious effort on your part not to say or do anything that would scare someone away. This should be a very casual outing. Your conversations given time should lead you to more happier returns.

Making the conscious effort will take time but a least it should alleviate some of your pain you are experiencing now.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

People usually do get lonely "when not around people", however in all seriousness, the feeling is very common and a form of anxiety.

I know the feeling, its rather unsettling and can be harmful in every sense of the word. However, the situation doesnt get better if you do nothing- it can only get worse. You have 3 options in my opinion (opinions always have to have 3, 5 or 7 options for some uncanny reason):

1. Do Nothing and hope it just goes away

2. The best way to help yourself is to help others. Identify someone who you think may need some help and simply "help them about"- even with good advice. I'm not saying be charitable, but simply identify opportunities where you can help someone.

3. Write yourself up a To-Do list. Studies say that organisation can solve most of our worries and anxiety. Sounds lame- well Just Try it !

I really hope you feel better !

Answer 4

I honestly don't know. I'm a lot the same way although I'm not aware of trying to push people way. I'm disabled so it's hard for me to get out and about. Last few years it seems I spend about 90% of my time completely alone and I'm really not sure how to make a shift. I do things like go to the mall where people are, but I never really end up meeting anyone or interacting with anyone beyond polite conversation. If you find an answer let me know. Part of the reason I answer questions here is to get a larger contact with people. Besides at least a theoretical idea of getting prizes while potentially helping a few people seems fun.

Answer 5

Try going out with some friends and see how that works. I wouldn't say that anything is wrong with you, because I am like that about 85% of the time. I'd say you have a really introverted personality.

But remember that going out is fun and having friends and making friendships are fun too. Try it and see. Why would such a beautiful person wanna stay alone all the time? Being miserable is not desirable, it can lead to stress which leads to other things. It is not always good to be alone. We all need somebody to lean on!

Ok? I hope it works out for you.

Answer 6

wow. sometimes i do the same thing. when i have a lot on my mind or something like that. the friends i do have get worried. it's kind of reassuring for me to know that there are others who do this. now, i have a question for you. what has happened to you that makes you withdraw like this?have you been betrayed?or hurt somehow otherwise whether it be emotionally, phsically, or psychologically? has someone said something to you, you may not even remember it, that has made you think, even unconsciously, that you can't socialize?that you can't get too close?and what do you think about when you're all alone?do you disappear into a whirlwind of thoughts that overwhelm you to the point where you'd do anything to escape from it all?(i get that way sometimes)i know how stressful life can be and how harmful(and sometimes helpful) being alone just to think can be. i have been horribly betrayed and that's why i withdraw. i don't think there's anything wrong with you. you just need to think some things out and get yourself together. take some time to get to know yourself. anyway, you can contact me if you ever want someone to talk to. good luck!!cheer up. ; )

Answer 7

Its hard to know why exactly you are feeling the way you are by just reading your question, it would be wise to reflect on your feeling and emotion toward other people to understand why you are like this.

Almost everybody needs to be surrounded by other people, whether casually or in some kind of friendship / relationship. That's why its instinctively we would make small talks and make friends with other people, we're very used to living in close proximity with other people.

Some people even adopt small animals as pets so they can have the feeling of having somebody at home with them.

However, you did mentioned that you push friends away and have no desire of maintain friendship. Were you like this when you were little or did this attitude manifest sometimes later.

If you weren't like this when you're little, it might be bad experiences you had when you were growing up that still haunts you in the back of your mind. An severe emotional trauma goes a long way, even through adulthood.

I don't believe there is anything wrong of being alone, however you must be happy with the way you are in order to thrive in your life. If you feel lonely and unbalance, then it might be best for you to start associate with people on a casual basis and maybe eventually it will lead to a good friendship with others.

Sometimes we really have to push ourselves when we make changes, but as long as we know the change is good to us its worth pursuiting it.

It also depend on what type of friends you had, in which you decided to distance youself with. You might be in a wrong group of friends and they weren't interacting with you on a level you'd feel comfortable and enjoyable. If that's the case you might want to pick up some socially challenge area that you would want to get into socially.

Like I said it really depend on your case, you have to look deep down inside to see what's really causing this.

Follow your heart, find out what you wants to do with your life; whether is to live life socially or lead a quiet life. There isn't right or wrong way to live, as long as you are balance and happy.

Answer 8

It's always easier to be by yourself...no effort required. But then when you are alone, you're lonely. It's hard to fit in and be friends to people...it does require lots of effort and sometimes we all like to be left alone and to ourselves but if we push people away too much, we are being anti-social and if we do it enough, people will notice and think we don't want to be around them. I know...I do this a lot. I sometimes have social anxiety and then other times I am right there in the middle of it all...having a good ol' time. Just whatever mood you're in, go with it. It's your life. Just don't isolate yourself so much that you can never return to your social status when you want. If it gets that bad, you need to talk with someone. I hope there's someone in your life you can confide in when you need to. You may be having hormone fluctuations, also. There could be all sorts of reasons. You may be sensitive to alcohol...if you drink at all. It could make you feel depressed and if that's the case...if you notice a pattern of feeling down after drinking...which I do...then you may want to limit it or do away with it altogether.
Hope these ideas help you and don't confuse you. Good luck...

Answer 9

Don't worry I don't think you have a disorder. I don't know anything about your situation but feel that, perhaps, there is some hurt from your past that you need to deal with on your own. However, because it is so painful you don't want to do it on your own. You now have a dynamic where you want people close but cannot bear to have them close.

There is no easy way to fix this other than to start working at what you are feeling and what is the underlying driving force of this behavior.

Answer 10

Maybe you don't realize that you actually like to be by yourself. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. I am an introvert too. Our American culture looks down upon introverts but in many other societies it is the norm. Just accept yourself for who you are. If you are lonely, then seek out company. If you aren't, then don't worry about it. I don't think you have a disorder. I just think you get confused a lot. It's okay, I get confused all the time.

Answer 11

Shannon, I looked at your profile. Wow, you’re going to school full-time and working full-time? And in a happening place like New York City?

You are very hard-working... and very busy. It would be hard to fit deep relationships into your life right now, even if you wanted to.

As far as having a disorder, I would not suggest something so extreme. (And autism, based on my experiences with it, is far out of the question.)

Based on how well you articulated your question, you sound VERY rational, very sane, mentally organized, educated, and the like: I would guess that you are a “normal” person who is just going through some very strenuous times in her life.

I think you are probably exhausted (even if you don’t realize it) due to how hard you’ve been working, and being tired always impacts our emotions.

I also think your lifestyle right now contributes to your isolation, just because you are so busy. Hopefully when you get through school, you can enjoy a normal schedule again and find some space for yourself.

I know I don't know your past (your family relationships, any emotional trauma that might have happened to you) that could contribute to the feelings you describe.

I will tell you that I experience similar feelings and think I know what you mean.

I am naturally very solitary, but I grew up in an environment that was emotionally unsafe for me, so I became even more isolated.

I have experienced a lot of loneliness in my life because of that, when I am alone; and yet when I am with people, I just become so emotionally exhausted and restless that I have trouble maintaining close contact. I usually need to leave after a little bit, and it's exhausting to try to keep up even with my best friends -- I love them, but to pick up the phone sometimes feels like trying to climb a mountain.

So, like you, I don’t know exactly how to overcome that paradox.

But without knowing any other details, what I see is that you are probably very tired and need to catch up on your sleep and rest. Emotions tend to stabilize when the body is rested, and you’ll have energy to get out of your isolation.

I would also pick one friend to whom you can commit yourself to staying in contact with, even when you don’t feel like it. That’s a small goal and will help you feel connected. You need someone to bounce your feelings and ideas off, someone from whom you can get another perspective when you are tired and feeling this way. It will help a lot, I think.

(TW gave very good advice as well...)