how do I break up with my fiance? *EMERGENCY* please read?

Question

I am engaged to be married next year. I love this woman with all my heart and she loves me too. But I made some decisions in my past, that I am not proud of. I wasn't always a good man. Have been for ten years, but some things never go away and eventually comeback to haunt you. Mine caught up with me, but she does not need to be involved. I love her enough to let her go, without going through this with me. How do I do it? how do I break up with her?

She would stay, but I can't put her at risk

Answer 1

Yeah, tell her the truth. The truth will set you free, as they say. Tell her exactly what you said here, that you love her so much that you don't want to involve her. If you can't bring yourself to tell her what it is that happened, just tell her she will be at risk if you did. Wow, I feel for you, best of luck, I hope your problems will be solved soon.

Answer 2

When you say your past has come back to haunt you . . . You've been a a decent person for ten years . . . You don't want her going through this with you . . . and finally, you can't put her at risk . . .paints an all too familiar picture. Let me say this first, I am so sorry that this news has blind sided you so badly that you would rather go it alone.

I do understand the shock, heartbreak, betrayal and finally the desolation you are experiencing. You know her better than I, so I assume you know that she would stay and you unselfishly want her to go on with her life, loving and having children.

I don't know how you are fixed financially, but the costs for maintenance are coming down and philanthropists like Bill Gates have foundations that would see you through for years and years. I really believe as others may advise you should really let her decide.

Don't let shame or your refusal to share tragedy, as well as. love deny you a love you may never regain the rest of your life. Loneliness can be a death sentence, especially in these circumstances.

If you were serious about marrying you both probably already have unconditional love for one another and your wedding vows, if taken seriously could bring you both many years of joy and commitment.

But, having weighed all of that and you still want to push her away:

Let her know that despite your actions, you want her to know that you will always love her. Tell her that everyone has hurdles they must rise above before they move on to the next one. Let her know that you are not a quitter, therefore, the hurdle that has presented itself to you has to have your full attention and if he had to prioritize it, it is something that must be handled before the two of you made a commitment. Explain to her that you wish life had dealt you a different hand, but if you are to be the man she would consider worthy of marrying, you simply must take care of this obstacle. Tell her you know you run the risk that her feelings may wane for you and she may find someone else, but that is how strongly you are dedicated to putting your life in order for the future. Tell her there are no short cuts and for her own safety, you are begging her to understand without questions (I'd give her a gold locket with our picture in it, just in case she wanted to wait, but that's me). I hope this helps.

Answer 3

The best thing you can do is tell her the whole truth, no matter how bad it could be. If she truly loves you and you love her, you should be able to work through anything. Times could be a little rough sometimes, but you atleast would know that it was her decision to stick it through.
If you truly don't want to be with her because of what is going on, let her know that you are scared for her safety and would do anything possible to keep anything from happening to her.
Either way....make sure she knows the truth so that she is not constantly wondering.
Just remember that you could be losing the best thing in your life by breaking up and may never get it back.

Answer 4

If you love her as much as you say you do, the first thing you need to do is tell her the truth about the situation. The past is the past, and if she loves you like you say she does then she will want to help you solve this problem. It is unfair of you to decide for her what is best. Trust her and your heart a little, you may find this problem is not as terrible as you think it is right now. If you still don't think you should stay with her because of your past respect her enough to let her know the truth of the matter of why you are leaving.

Answer 5

Ok look there are always going to be things that pop up from your past some good some bad are you going to ruin every relationship just because things may get bad. I think this should be her decision, you claim you love her but you are trying to lie to her to get you out of this relationship at least give her the courtesy of you being a man and tell her the truth

Answer 6

If what you say is true.....you love her and she loves you.....then it is totally unfair for YOU to make a decision for the BOTH of you without consulting her about it. This is HALF her decision to make, let her make it with you. If she still decides to end things, at least you can say you decided together. Why on earth do you think she would even WANT you to let her go? That's what love is.....sticking through the tough times!! If you want to marry this woman, what do you think marriage will be like? Don't you think you will have major hurdles to jump during your marriage? You get through them together! If she finds out what you're going through and decides to break up, then at least you shared the truth with her. It's a noble thing for you to try and protect her, but lying to your fiance to protect her isnt' real life. When you decide to marry someone, you marry their baggage too.

Answer 7

I would explain everything. Just calling it off will hurt her very much and you sound like you love her to much for that.
She also sounds like a good women that would stay by your side no matter what. But if that puts her in danger she should know that too.
Perhaps when this blows over you can be together again. Who knows it may not be as big of a deal as you think. Unless you have the mob coming after you.

You gotta tell her everything...that is only fair.

Answer 8

It's understandable that u don't want to hurt her or put her at risk. But, don't you think she derserves to know the truth about you. If you love her as much as you say then sit her down and talk to her. She needs to be aware of whats goin on. She's goin to be hurt more if you just walk away and not say anything. Give her the opportunity to make her own mind up about what she wants to do. Explain in detail why u don't want to put her at risk, and then leave it up to her to decide if she's willing to stick by you or does whe want to call it quits. Good Luck to you both!!

Answer 9

If you love her and she loves you, I do not recommend breaking it off. I was in a similar situation two years ago. The man I loved broke it off, because of something from his past that caught up to him. I was devastated. I tried to tell him to hold off, but he was determined we could not be together. I thought for a while I would not live through it. I started drinking heavily, wrecked my car, got a DUI; I wanted to die. I am better now. Made it through, but wish every day he hadn't put both of us through that. Believe me, you think you are helping her, but you will be hurting her. If I had died, I know he would have not known how to deal with that. Recently he came back to me. I have a new life now. I told him we are both better off where we are, now that the damage is done. I really wish he would have given us a chance to work through it, though. We would be happy and together today. Think hard about what I am saying. I know it is hard to understand without having lived through it, but I am telling you, it was devastating. It changed my whole life, who I am as a person, my whole attitude about life. I will never be the same.

Answer 10

You need to tell her the full and honest truth, if she decides that she wants to stay with you thru it all then that is true love. I get the feeling that you really dont feel this way. There arent many things that could be that bad 10 years later that she would personally have to deal with. Good Luck!