Husband wants to walk out on me because this is not working for him-the whole family thing is stressing him ou

Question

I don't understand how a man could love you and then just say well this is just not working for me-I'm not feelin' it anymore. I feel that I am a good woman-I love him-I cook, clean the house, work, support him in every decision he has ever made! All I expect is for him to be faithfull to me. We have a small child-does he not think about that? He tells me that this is just not what he wants for his life-these things he is saying hurt so much. What am I supossed to do now? It is like he is shattering my whole world and my child's world

I guess I would maybe understand it more if he were needing sex more or something-but I am in my prime and he is the one who turns me down!! I know everyone is not perfect and we all have something that will bother our partner-but he won't even give it a chance to work with some changes..I just do so much for him-b/c I am in love with him and want him to be happy..that is why when he comes home the house is clean, dinner is ready -and I work all day. I guess sometimes even though a man has everything that still may not be enough. I am an educated woman with a masters degree and I should know better-but when you love your family so much you do stupid things that you would not normally do. It is just so painful and makes you feel so worthless like you are nothing-I have been thru other relationships, but he says things to me that make me feel 2 inches tall. I just want to stop hurting, crying and I want to be able to get some sleep-I am tired of my child seeing me cry!!

Answer 1

All right, I must admit you have made your point very clear!
Likewise your wording is quite sound.
Perhaps we must give it a second thought and
Elaborate the other way around as well
Really do you want to get it right?

Answer 2

I must first apologise if what im writing might grieve you furthermore.

Maybe it is true that he is really not happy having this kind of life. It could be because he thought that having a family, a wonderful wife and child would bring him happiness and satisfaction. However, this could be just the wrong thing for him.

Another reason, could be he is facing some terrible crisis in his life that he can't seem to solve and facing the family is giving him even more stress, because he knows that he has a duty to take care of the family.

The most important of all is that you, as his partner in life, must understand what's going on in his life. There must be a reason why he said those things. Pls do not blame him and cause more pain between the two of you. Pls remember that the child that the two of you bore is innocent.

No matter what the outcome is, responsibility of the child comes first and foremost, and also whatever the outcome is it must be the best possible outcome. Pls do not give up, instead you must be even stronger then before. Take this opportunity to understand more bout your husband, and also yourself. This is also where you will find the answer you are searching for.

Pls do take care of your health and your child's. Be strong.

Answer 3

So sex isnt the problem... interesting.

The only thing I can think of is that maybe he feels like he has no control over his life. If you are doing everything for him, then he might feel controlled.

Women love to have order and control in the house, especially with children. It helps things be tidy and everything gets done.

The other thing im thinking is that you might have money troubles. If he thinks you guys are on a mouse wheel running on the spot there could be problems stemming from that.

Finally, there are other men. Its harsh, but sometimes things dont work out. If he has no real reason keep asking til he gives one. People find it hard to avoid answering direct questions so be clear and direct - What is it? Sometimes you could try saying something like, well i was thinking that you be doing "x & y" but I know youre better than that.

ie give him a few really bad examples, cheating say, and offer him a backward step to the truth.

Answer 4

Do you really want him to stay? I mean is he doing you any favors staying for the wrong reason and then resenting you and the child? My guess is that he will soon realize the grass is not greener on the other side. What did he expect when he got married and had a child - The Cleavers?
I guess if you really want him to stay then try asking what he DOES want for his life. Find a way to incorporate them - travel, bedroom games, dating (with YOU), whatever. What exactly is stressing him out? Maybe you could work on that - it may be more outside stressors than stressors at home.
My husband said the same thing about me and the kids stressing him out and he seemed truly shocked when I replied and you think I don't get stressed out with all the back-talk, bickering between the kids, fighting to get homework done, etc., but it is more than worth it and I wouldn't have it any other way!! After a while of thinking about it he realized the same thing! I also pointed out the other stressors in his life and suggested maybe it wasn't all me and the kids after all I supported him in all his decisions! We now take time just to talk and listen to each other. Suggest instead of turning away from you he could turn towards you for strength and to help solve his problems.
Yes, the world you know is shattering, but it will reveal a stronger, better you and a world that you can shape any way you want to whether he is in it or not! Be strong, I know you have it in you! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 5

For one thing, It takes two to make a marriage work, you can not try and keep your marriage together on your own! he has to be a part of it as well! Maybe he feels that you are trying so hard to please him by getting dinner ready and keeping the house clean, and also working at your job and taking care of your child, that when you are able to find the time to be with him he backs out because he thinks that you are probably to exhausted! What you should do is sit and talk with him and tell him that you want to spend more time with him, and since the both of you work and share the expenses, then the two of you should also share the duties that is in the house! This way the two of you will be spending more time together and no one will be feeling left out! Don't try to be Super Woman!
Good Luck
And
God Bless You!!!!

Answer 6

I'm not saying it's your fault, bu when you whine it makes him feel like he would like to leave. He probably has another woman or is at least thinking about one. The way you're reacting makes him think being out of the marriage would make him happier--but it's all his choice because you'll take whatever you can get and will put up with whatever he will give you.

Try not to be emotional, but tell him--"we have a good marriage here. But you have to make a decision. If you want to work on the marriage we can do that, but if you don't, then go."

And let him go--he may like being gone or he may see once he's gone all the things he missed. But right now he's like a rubber band that just wants to pull away from the pressure.

Answer 7

I hear this alot and I am here to help you. When a man finds his wife undesireable it is time to let it go. A man make a decision to marry and never know what he is too encounter until he has had his fill with it. If i could see this guy in person I would tell him he is really screwing up. You are proba\bly from what I can read on your question a very good Mother and wife and you deserve the best..do not settle for less. Don't let him ruini your life. Think about your children...they are the most impoortant thing right now and if he doesn;t want to be part of it...kick him to the curb.; Move on!@!

Answer 8

I can sense how frightening this whole situation must be for you. Sometimes its not easy to accept whats staring you in the face. It may make you feel like a failure, and that its your fault.

But its not. Put it down to circumstances, whatever. The main thing is for you to get on with your life. Don't worry about what people around you will say. Did you marry against the wishes of your near and dear ones? Are you afraid of asking for help and support coz your going to be told "I told you so!"? It doesn't matter. Its your life and you made your choice. Your friends and your family must stick up for you (that's what they are for), but you need to ask. So go ahead and ask. There are enough decent, smart, well educated men who would give their left arm for someone like you. So why don't you go out and find someone? Start afresh. Move in with a sibling or family (if you can) so that theres someone for the baby, and get a job. It will give you the space, time and money to think differently. All the best!

Answer 9

It is truly unbelievable how some people can just walk away from their families. Unfortunately, it happens every day. Your husband may be going through an identity crisis. If that is the case, and he is willing to work on the marriage, you both might try going to marriage counseling. (This happened to some friends of mine about 6 years ago - they are still together and very happy)
However, if he is not interested in working it out, then let him go and start making plans for yourself and child. This will be a difficult time so you may want to get some counseling or join a support group. Hang in there & keep busy. . . you'll get through it.

Answer 10

Wow. I honestly feel for you. But you are beating yourself up. It sounds like you are doing everything humanly possible that a good wife should do. I can honestly say the fault lies completely with him. He is an immature, wishy-washy no-goodnik. It drives me crazy when I hear of men forsaking their duty as husbands and fathers because they "don't feel it anymore". I'd say, you don't need him. I'd say you'd be better off without him. But that's not true is it? You do need him. You want him to be the husband and father you know he can be. Let me tell you something that may hurt you. There is nothing you can change within yourself to satisfy him. The change must come from within him, not from you. You can make his dinner, clean the house, and do all that domestic stuff till you go crazy and it won't fix him. I'd start by stressing to him how important a strong marriage is to raising a well-centered child. In fact, how important marriage is to the fabric of our society. If your marriage is important to you then you must get him into a professional counselor. Additionally, if you and he do not go to a church I would fully explore that avenue.

Answer 11

Don't have an answer for you. My sister is going thru the same thing. Married 14 years, have lived in different homes for 4 years so far. He doesn't want a divorce, and she's hoping he comes back. Two kids, he's still active with the family, good guy and all that, but doesn't want to live there. None of us get that. I would get a divorce after a certain point, when not sure however I myself would not trust him if he moved out. Good Luck