Any suggestions for building a new relationship after a failed marriage?

Question

I was with the man that I married for a total of 9 years. I left him two years ago because I wasn't coping well with his mental illness and I didn't think I deserved to be treated badly any more. The break up was terrible and very traumatic. I was very much in love with him though and believed throughout our relationship that he was my soulmate; he used to be my best friend.

Anyway; I have moved past all that and got my life going again. New city, new friends, new job..... new boyfriend. A very lovely man who I have a lot in common with. We have been going out for 6 months, but I feel like I have been holding back from him because of previous bad experiences and because I kind of feel like I've had my change for love and I screwed it up.

What I need is some advice on proceeding with this relationship. Has anybody had a successful 2nd relationship under similar circumstances? Any advice?

Answer 1

Take your time and slowly start dating again. Take your time and take things slow with this new boyfriend and dont rush into anything. Give him a chance however and dont compare him the the other man or people who have hurt you in the past as this is not fair to him at all. Give him a chance to prove to you he is different. Forgive yourself for the past and move on and treasure this new relationship but take things slow and take your time and get to know this guy and date him.
My first marriage was a disaster but this marriage is the best and we are happily married and trust me he is nothing at all like my first husband was. I like you however did not trust him at first and i always compared him to my first husband and it took me a while to trust him. I am so glad i did though and we have a great marriage now because of it. No to men or women for that matter are the same. I am here if you need to talk more.

Answer 2

Second marriages can be even better as long as you have learned from the first one. You have to remember to look at this as something completely new. New person, new experience. It is totally normal to be hesitant in your situation. If you still feel like you screwed up your first marriage even after all this time, then you're clearly not totally healed from the experience and still have things to sort out. That's fine. And you can do that while in this relationship, it's just that maybe you're simply not ready to think of marriage again just yet. Six months isn't that long where you should already be feeling pressure for something permanent. Work out the guilt you feel, then proceed with your relationship. Yes, the second time CAN work and it's often better.

Answer 3

The hardest part about starting a new relationship in this circumstance is the realization that you can never fully let go of the past. Sure, we all move on with life, but the memories are always there. The best way to build a new relationship is to acknowledge that those old memories do exist and aren't going away. Then take time to also acknowledge that this is a new and unique relationship and that it isn't fair to let the past control it or influence it. Accept the fact that you deserve love and happiness and that the only way to really obtain that is to let yourself be immersed fully in this relationship. We all know there are no guarantees when it comes to love and life but if you are really going to live life and experience love the only way is to do it fully and risk everything. There is more than enough love out there in this world to allow you to love again but you have to accept that risk or you will always feel like your holding back from him and that isn't fair to him or you.

Answer 4

Now you know what you don't want and know better will give you the tools to build a sucessful relationship after a bad marriage.

The most important thing is not to drag the bagagge from your previous relationship into your new one. He is not your ex and therefore, you cannot blame him for what someone else has done to you.

It's easy to come back to bad relationship habits because that allthat you have known before. If you have your guard up at all times, you have to learn to trust again and free your heart from trying to defend yourself or feel offended for things that were hurtful in the past and that he doesn't know about.

Let go of the past and welcome the future. Good luck

Answer 5

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Answer 6

there is no advice any one can give you but yourself how do you feel about this relationship how big are the walls,, just because there is one bad apple in a bunch, does mean they all are, mind you I know what you mean about mental illness it something you cannot see and you feel just a bit guilty because you did not see it coming

you have only been in this relationship for six month (last one 9 years)you need to take each day as they come and I am sure if you are honest with your new partner he will understand proceed as each day as it comes, and when something comes up take it one step at a time, what is love LOVE is something that grows with time, trouble is time is not always a good healer as it has a thing of poping up and saying remember that be it good or bad so take it 1 step at a time good luck

Answer 7

Same thing happened to me and I still find myself thinking about those old days, those times were bad and today my life is wonderful. I am with a man that does everything for me, he treats me like a queen, so what I say is ..... give 100 % to the one you love, be the best that you can be and if you get back even 50 % your doing OK, no one is perfect, but life goes on. So pick yourself up dust yourself off and start all over again. Give love another chance and be happy.

Answer 8

Continue as you have been. You need to know about this man and whether you're compatible, and he needs to know something about the last relationship, too....but I could be wrong about the second part.
Anyway, it sounds like you're enough over your past relationship to have another. Just be careful how you talk about your EX, it says a lot about you.

Answer 9

This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
It helped me alot!

Answer 10

NEVER talk to him about your past relationship. He might use it against you when things don't go well.