My daughter is 21 a student at a large college. She use to be fun, now she is mean & disrespectful. She is seeing a man that is 28 never went to college, lives with 5 other people, works at a coffee shop & does what he calls art. He lives about 90 miles from us. He is rude & has no respect for us. He also put on my daughters underwear & took a picture of himself & put it on his "MY space". He has had incounters with men & woman. He also text messages her 2 to 6 x a day & calls 2-4 x a day. My daughter goes to see him 2 to 3 x a month. She is doing ok in school & works alot. But will not get involved with anything or anyone at school. We pay for her school as long as she gets good grades. This is unheathly. She is acting like a 16 year old. We want her back. We want him gone what do we do. What does he see.
2006-06-27 05:00:39 · 20 answers · asked by me oh my 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
you have not alot of control over her. she can do whatever, but i would say, try to talk to her abuot all this. talk to the guy,too. if both of them wont accept what you say, then its thier problem and pray that they learn
also
make sure you are not being too pushy. girls like that dont like to feel controlled.
2006-06-27 05:03:51 · answer #1 · answered by clevah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough and Tender love is what you need. You will need to restrict her time with this trash that she likes. You should consider calling her cell phone company and your home phone company and have his number permanently blocked. Do not leave her in the dark on what you are doing. You must let her know that you KNOW that what she is doing is childish, immature and it must stop NOW. She is old enough to reason out the events in her life so do not hesitate to tell her exactly why she should not do what she is doing. Leaving her without an explanation will just cause her to come up with her own, wrong, reasons and hate you. Talk to the guy and tell him to never see your daughter again. If he continues to see her, get a restraining order on him. Ask her friends to spend more time with her. Your daughter will see this as an invasion and control, but you need to make sure she is OK. Do not however, turn her friends into spies for you.
Be strong and pray! God Bless!
2006-06-27 05:12:53 · answer #2 · answered by chemical_kenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably shouldn't be too adamant against him because his can cause a Romeo and Juliet complex where your daughter will see it is her love for him against the world. Bring up his faults in a calm way around her, be cordial to him when you meet him but definelty don't endorse the relationship. Since you know your daughter, I'm sure she will eventually see his faults as well. But if she decides to be with him for real and for ever, then sit her done and talk seriously with her, but if that does nothing, you just must accept him.
2006-06-27 08:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by millancad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, calling and text messaging in the numbers you described is not excessive at all. Hell, my boyfriend and I text message like 20 times a day! But yes, he does sound strange. The thing is, if you try and get her away from him, all that will do is drive her closer to him! Sometimes we just have to let it be and just be there for our loved ones. If things start going south, at least she will know that she can come to you for help and not have to hear you say "I told you so".....she is young, let her experience her life. As long as he is not hurting her, you really don't have any grounds to dislike him. He just has a different choice in lifestyle......sometimes that is just life.
2006-06-27 05:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize she is an Adult first. and an 8 year difference is bad. She is being resentful towards you, because you are running her life. He is being disrespectful to you, because you down grade him. Apparently she sees something in him you don't, and trying to push her will only drive her further away from you. Back off give her time to see What Makes her Happy.
2006-06-27 05:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by spiritwalker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can you do? Nothing. At some point, you have to let your kids make their own mistakes. All you can do is be there for her when she needs/wants your help. Dont criticise her decisions....be patient, and just treat her the same way you would treat any of your friends going through a similar situation.
2006-06-27 05:05:14 · answer #6 · answered by AJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has the potential to be an abuser. The red flags are there. We can't pick them for our kids, God knows I wish I could!
Try to talk to her, have her friends talk to her. I have learned the hard way the the more you push one way the more they want to go just the opposite. Maybe it's just a phase and she will come to See that she is worth more than that and should not have to settle. Gently pointy out his possessive ways and pray. God bless and good luck.
2006-06-30 19:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by TLM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she is a legal adult, you cant make her choices for her. What you can do is support her in all that she does....tell her that if she EVER needs anything, you will help her . As for this perv that shes going out with, i would suggest reporting him if you think he is abbusing her mentally or phisically, as long as you stay supportive for your daughter and dont try to force her to do anything, she will come to you for advice.
2006-06-27 05:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put her on the TV show Parental Control on MTV
2006-06-27 05:30:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is 21, so therefore, you do not have a lot of contol over her. However just ell her how you are feeling. DO NOT be judgemental or try forbidding her to be with him or you will only make things worse.
GOOD LUCK
2006-06-27 05:08:03 · answer #10 · answered by hummingbird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋