My daughter is 21 a student at a large college. She use to be fun, now she is mean & disrespectful. She is seeing a man that is 28 never went to college, lives with 5 other people, works at a coffee shop & does what he calls art. He lives about 90 miles from us. He is rude & has no respect for us. He also put on my daughters underwear & took a picture of himself & put it on his "MY space". He has had incounters with men & woman. He also text messages her 2 to 6 x a day & calls 2-4 x a day. My daughter goes to see him 2 to 3 x a month. She is doing ok in school & works alot. But will not get involved with anything or anyone at school. We pay for her school as long as she gets good grades. This is unheathly. She is acting like a 16 year old. We want her back. We want him gone what do we do. What does he see.
2006-06-27 04:59:18 · 10 answers · asked by me oh my 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your daughter is going to have to learn on her own that she is not making a good choice of boyfriend. The more you express your disliking of him the more she will go to him. Me and my father went through somthing similar but not to that extent. He always dragged his name through the dirt and it just made me feel more isolated from my family.
2006-06-27 05:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is 21 and there is not much that you can do. She is an adult, so you might try talking to her about this, but I suggest that either you or your husband talk to her and not both of you. Also, what do you do when this guy is rude and shows no respect for you? Do you call him on it? Do you call her on it? You need to if you haven't. Do not, I repeat, do not think about taking her schooling away. It might be her saving grace. If she's getting good grades, it means that she at least cares about that. If you take it way, believe me he will have total control over her and you will never get her back. Also, you need to keep and eye on both her and him. The fact that he calls and contacts her so often in one day is a little scary. Keep your daughter close-call her, e-mail her, go to see her, invite them over if you have to. Become involved in her life. You do not want his voice to be the only voice she hears in her head.
2006-06-27 12:32:14 · answer #2 · answered by writeroftheyear1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all be patient. If she is smart she will drop this deadbeat soon. When the "fun" of something different and "dangerous" passes, she will move on. Dont nag or hang the fact that you are paying for her schooling over her head. That will make things worse. Have one of her girlfriends talk to her. If she hears it from a friend she may listen a little more closely than if it came from you. Good luck
2006-06-27 12:06:51 · answer #3 · answered by SilverWolf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you.....you want the best for your daughter. But the more you push the more she will go to him. Try by not protesting so much. You can start by saying your main concerns or his encounters with both men/women that have concern because of HIV/AIDS epidemic.....everyone should be concern about that. But just ease up a bit and eventually she will see him for what he really is. And remember when she does......never tell her you told her so....just be there and listen. Good luck.
2006-06-27 12:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully, it will just run it coarse and she'll get tired of him. It's very loney at college and it's nice to have a boyfriend so I think a lot of girls date guys they normally won't.
Has she done and inter-ship yet or have to do one.... maybe you can help her do one far far way from this guy....
It's hard because I have seen to things happen with this- you push and she either gets rid of him or runs off with him.
Although, my suggest is highly illegal- I would pay someone to brake his legs if he doesn't stay away from her. But I am from NJ. Good luck!
And maybe you should try making her see a counsel or someone professionally to figure out what's going on in her mind.
2006-06-27 12:06:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
one of these days she'll open her eyes and realize he's really an ***hole and wonder what the heck was she doing. unfortunately i don't think any amount of talking is going to do any good. Usually kids at that age feel their parents don't know what they're talking about. It's not usually until they're in their late 20's to early 30' do they realized that mom and dad were right.
Good luck
2006-06-27 12:09:11 · answer #6 · answered by lnsmca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite him over, make friends (as best you can with him), it may be that he is so appealing to her because he has such vastly different values than yours. Hopefully he'll lose his appeal if he's sitting at your dinner table spooning up meatloaf and mash and looking like the kid next door. Sometimes these undesirable boyfriends last longer than they should because you force your kid to defend him by being so adverse to him.
What's that cliche, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer - ?
2006-06-27 12:06:34 · answer #7 · answered by workingclasshero 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not your fault that your daughter behaves that way. dont take it too hard on yourself. secular society expects you to respect your daughter because she is of age and can decide for herself. you as a parent feels differently about this because you are hard-wired to care for your loved ones. deep inside, you know that secular society is wrong but there's no way you can get around it. it's expected of you lest you become an outcast in their scrutinizing eyes, or worse, in your daughter's eyes . if you can bear the pain, then let your daughter be. if she gets hurt, offer a shoulder for her to cry on. that's the best you can do. society has destroyed our time-honored traditions. and there's nothing we can do about it but to give in.
2006-06-27 12:20:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try sitting her down and gently telling her that you don't think he is right for her and why. But she is 21and an adult, so really she can do as she pleases. But is she mature? Does not sound like it. Good luck.
2006-06-27 12:05:19 · answer #9 · answered by hopflower 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bigger deal you make out of this guy, the bigger deal your daughter will make him out to be. try letting her sink or swim on her own with school expenses and let her figure out her "boyfriend" on her own.
step back and let her grow up without it being a parent/child battle.
2006-06-27 12:05:24 · answer #10 · answered by thom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋