Was I heartless?

Question

I split from my abusive husband a few months ago and yesterday he texted me and said he was going to take an overdose and kill himself. He hasn't text me since.

Should I have gone around to see him or was this just a threat to see whether he still had control over me?

Answer 1

you're not heartless. you're the bravest women i've seen do far. that was brave of you to seperate from him. when he told you about the overdose and thing, if you went, he would of seen he still has control over you. dont visit him personally get a friend to do so or something, but dont ever get close to him again, think that you did this for yourself. i feel so useless when i see someone getting hurt just like my aunt. believe me it may hurt you but it hurts your family and friends that most, especially if they dont know whats happening with you.
congratulations, you're a very brave person.

Answer 2

It's his way of trying to play victim, so you'll feel sorry for him. Most people who are sincere about committing suicide don't tell anyone, because they know the chances are they will be prevented.
And, no, you aren't heartless. He is obviously an unhappy and disturbed individual. He is also, no longer your problem, despite the attention seeking.
By ignoring him on this occasion and refusing to get drawn into his melodrama, you are sending him a very clear message - 'You cannot control me any longer'.
If your conscience really is bothering you, then call the police. They can check up on him and he can explain himself to them, which will probably be rather embarrassing for him. In the unlikely event that he really is dead, well, that was a choice he made which you are not responsible for, in any way.
A control freak can only control you if you let them. You've done the right thing.

Answer 3

Don't fall into that trap.....I know that it's hard to ignore but can't you call his family or friends if you are sincerely worried that he might try to hurt himself??
I'm not sure if you are married to him or not but these types of people mostly never change......only if they get help through counseling is there an honest chance for them...and even then the chances are slim....I think you need to keep away from him, he is using excuses to get you to come back to him...what happens if you do return to him?? It will only be a matter of time before you are right back in the same boat again...don't do that to yourself....you deserve better....he has a problem and hopefully he's getting help but there is nothing you can do to make the situation any better, this is all up to him....you going back only reinforces his hold over you and so the cycle continues.
Call his family or a friend if you are truly concerned.....that's all you can at this point.
Good Luck and stay strong!

Answer 4

I think the latter is probably the right answer. Abusive types are very insecure people who need to know that they have control over another. Can you send a family member or friend over to see him?

You're definitely not heartless, HE was to have treated you the way he did. You're in fact very brave to have had the courage to leave an abusive relationship.

Answer 5

It was most likely about control. I have heard of people doing this all the time where they make someone feel guilty by saying things like that. It is quite possible that he has taken an overdose but I very much doubt it. Even if he has, it was nothing to do with you. If he was abusive, he doesn't deserve your sympathy.

Answer 6

Yes, I think he was trying to see whether you still cared enough to respond to a text like that. I don't think you are heartless - this man has hurt you and shown you disrespect, he doesn't deserve your love or attention.

If you are worried about him, get in touch with someone and ask them to check on him, but don't go to him yourself. He needs to know that you have moved away from that part of your life and that he no longer has control over you.

Answer 7

You took a very bold move on your part because alot of women would of have put up with the abuse. Do not go back to him or the abuse will start all over again. Move forward to the good things in life instead of going backwards to all th eabuse, hurt, and pain. Don't get yourself caught up in that realtionship again.

Answer 8

No you are not heartless.
This is his cry for help to get you back- and because you split from him when he was the dominant one in the relationship because of the abuse, he now feels insecure and he has lost the best thing that happened to him!
Dont let it worry you, people who threaten to kill them selves in my opinion are all mouth no action, those who committ suicide rarely tell people and it comes as a real shock because no-one expects it- you are fine carry on with the rest of your life!

Answer 9

Been there,got the t-shirt.My ex pushed me down the stairs when I was 6 months pregnant,beat me,threatened to put acid on my face so no man would look at me again.I could go on and on.I left,eventually.Now these type of men are hell bent on getting their own way.They will say and do anything to get you back.Like "I love you,I will never do it again"-nonsense and lies.A leopard never changes its spots.Empty threats of suicide.He is attention seeking,desperate to get you round there and re-start all his abuse.Totally ignore this animal.Change your sim card in your phone.Hopefully you have a restraining order and injunction,he is not your resposibility.If he is still doing it,threatening over the phone to kill himself,tell him to hurry up and do it.Call his bluff,he has no intention of doing that.he wants a reaction.give him the i couldnt care less attitude.change your phone number.keep away from him.you deserve better.go forward in your life not backwards.take care and keep safe

Answer 10

I believe it's a control tactic. You are one of the few and brave who has been able to leave an abusive relationship without the law being involved, ending up in the E.R. room, or the morgue.
You~Go~Girl, and stay strong.