We have been dating for 2 years. He has a good job yet says we cant afford a child right now. I dont agree with abortions and I thought he didnt either. Now I dont think we have the same morals and I dont know what to do. I broke up with him but I love him...but he obviously does not care about me if he would kill our child?!?!? What to do?
2006-06-27 04:48:54 · 23 answers · asked by Katie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
talk to him on the phone about it. but just don't abort. abortion isn't right
2006-06-27 04:51:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, do what is right for YOU. Forget him for the moment. If it's right for YOU to have the baby then do it. There are more alternatives than abortion. If you really can't handle a baby, either emotionally or financially or whatever, then you can always try adoption. There are hundreds of people looking to adopt! And in many cases now, YOU can choose the parents! I wouldn't worry about dumping your boyfriend just yet. It may not be that you don't have the same morals, he could just be scared. I went through the same thing when I got pregnant. My BF's gut reaction was "abortion". When I told him there was no way I'd do that, we talked through things, what would we do financially, emotionally, how a baby would change things etc etc, we talked and talked and talked until we figured out a basic plan! Things have worked out great so far! We're married now (that was NOT part of the baby plan!) and our son will be 17 months soon!!
2006-06-27 11:56:32 · answer #2 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you became a couple did you sit down and talk about what your beliefs were surrounding having children and abortions? Or did you assume that because he said he loved you he must have the same beliefs? Often times people don't sit down and just talk about love, morals, having children and money - all of the difficult topics. They make assumptions based on bits of information here and there or wait until there's a major disagreement.
If you have chosen to have the child and he does not want it then you need to face the fact that you will be raising this child alone in terms of parenting. You can't force someone to be a good parent.
Now since both of you bear the financial responsibility you do need to go to court and get child support - not out of spite, but out of necessity for your child.
2006-06-27 11:56:50 · answer #3 · answered by nquizzitiv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, in your case an abortion may not be morally right, but would it be better to have a child that you couldn't afford to care for? That is the #1 reason that orphans are everywhere! There are more children than homes. And also, my mother had an abortion before she had me... The child was dieing and was taking her with it, but technically it was still an abortion. So if it is so wrong then you are saying it is wrong for me to be here. Just be more specific next time. It's not all abortions!
2006-06-27 11:55:41 · answer #4 · answered by Sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a HUGE difference in religious viewpoint. (You see it is a moral/killing thing and he does not.) Doesn't this sorta make you feel concerned about what ELSE you do not have in common ? And you should be questioning yourself about how you are "in love" with someone you don't really know. (Big problem with too quickly coming to the conclusion that you are "in love". Really should learn all about each other before getting to that point and this is a good example of that.)
There are, of course, other options he could have suggested - namely that you would give birth and put the child up for adoption. (You could have found adoptive parents for the child before it was born - ones who would have paid for your care and needs during the pregnancy.) Nonetheless, your concerns that his immediate reaction was to terminate the pregnancy and how that conflicts with your own moral code are very important.
Chances are good that you two could not come to an agreement on this - society hasn't been able to for decades. You need to back off from further committing yourself to a relationship with him and TALK - talk about morals, ethics, inegrity, --- give examples and ask what he would do; tell him what you would do. Talk about children - raising them. Talk about money - how it would be handled. If you are in a relationship for the long haul, then these are questions to be addressed.
If, on the other hand, he is just a boyfriend-for-now, then it doesn't matter.
2006-06-27 11:57:40 · answer #5 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You moral and his is are not compatible so I would suggest you go your separate ways. I also know that people can change depending on the circumstance and knowledge of a particular situation. He may feel that way now about but later he might change his opinion. You certainly cannot stay with someone that would not be happy if you got pregnant. If you love you will still just that you cannot agree morally . Do not force yourself .. you can find other that are morally compatible but sometimes this person is not necessarily your sole mate.
2006-06-27 12:03:30 · answer #6 · answered by Richgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you....don't have an abortion. It isn't the child's fault, so why kill him? Most people want abortions because it gets them out of responsibility, or having to deal with the pregnancy. Your boyfriend sounds like he doesn't want to be responsible enough to be a decent father. So now you see the type of father, or husband this guy may be. Dump him, and find a far better man. Best of luck to you...............
2006-06-27 12:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, dump him.... it's normal to be missing him and want to take him back..... he's the father of your child afterall.
You need to be around those that truly love you, right now. You need to be nurtured and supported.
Yes, you're going to be crying and that is because of the shock of it all. Don't minimized the effects of his behaviour. You have just been given a staggering blow.
You can continue to love what you thought he was.... but the reality of who he really is has to be kept in the front of your mind.
I wish that I could give you a great big hug. Stay strong and it will get better in time.
2006-06-27 12:03:00 · answer #8 · answered by slightly heartbroken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been broken up? Sometimes it takes guys a little longer to see the situation as it is. If he truly doesn't want this child then it is his loss, but you have to be physically, mentally, and finacially able to care for a child for the next twenty years. Take your time and think rationally about this...it will affect the rest of your life.
2006-06-27 11:55:16 · answer #9 · answered by perry5464 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first u should talk to him because thats not man enough. he wanted to have sex well he had now is his responsibility to take care of you and the baby, but dont abort, why are u going to take a little childs life for your mistakes, is going to be your child your happiness and your boyfriend whants you to abort, leave him because he is not worth it at all, if you really love him than forget about him because if he loves you back than he wll take care of that kid to. he may not love you and you dont deserve to live a miserable life, you should be happy and when someone really loves you they respect YOU and your decisions and they want you to be happy but when they dont love you they dont care. so dont abort somehow you and your kid are going to be good remember your not alone you have your family but most importantly, GOD. Take care and take the right choice.
2006-06-27 11:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by Wilmer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you do not agree with abortion... Don't do it... and sharing the same morals and values with your partner is a big deal. I think that was his first reaction... But I truly think that if he wants to be with you then he will come back, but I wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't share the same morals with me... It just won't work
2006-06-27 11:53:33 · answer #11 · answered by Kristin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋