My husband and I have been married for 2 years, we have a ten month old daughter. Our relationship was great until I got pregnant and he just kinda started ignoring me. I love him with all my heart and he is my best friend, but we seem to have no communication anymore. I try to talk to him and he just ignores me and stares at the ground. I have postpartum depression and no insurance for treatment, and sometimes I just need someone to talk to, but when I cry he just goes outside and leaves me alone. He says he gives up, but he still want to be with me. I desperately need someone to be there for me emotionally, but he just dosen't seem to care. I know if I were to leave it would break his heart, but am I wrong for wanting to? I have no clue what to do or what his problem is. I know i deserve to be happy, but should I stay and keep being treated like this for his well being?
2006-06-27 03:37:59 · 21 answers · asked by rac 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are "free" mental health clinics everywhere, honey. Check one out before you both go crazy. Remember you have a baby now.
2006-06-27 03:43:57 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear asker,
Men sometimes don't know how to deal with emotions. Post-partum depression is a serious problem and by no means your spouse is a trained professional to treat you; so please, don;t feel dissapointed that he is not helping you, he just doesn't know how,
If you cannot afford therapy, you can certanly join a support group or seek the counsel of a pastor or priest. This will help you vent and help you deal with your feelings of hopelessness and loliness. You are not alone ans thousands of women sufffer from post-partum depression.
There are also things that you can do at home tyo help yourself. You have to keep on moving and keep active as depression will be worse as you stay at home and have plenty of time to think and think and think over.
Go on a brisk walk with your daughter on a daily basis. Take the stroller out and walk for a mile or two. Have a brown bad lunch at the park. The execise will help your mood and yoor overall health, besides, it will break the routine that is consuming you.
Take over a hobbie, knitting, cross puzzles, painting... are many ways to keep your mind occupied and you will feel productive and you will stimulate your creativity.
Remember what things make you happy...what were your interest when you were is school? If you used to like a certain type of music, get those cd's out and play them and dance to their beat in the living room.
Take online classes or get a part-time job or a volunteer position. You will feel productive and learning stimulates you.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, and if your depression is so bad that you are unable to take care of your self or your child, please seek professional help as you might need to be treated. Medicaid will cover that.
Good luck
2006-06-27 10:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you have postpartum depression you should never make decisions like ending your marriage. I had that too and everything seemed so big and horrible. It sounds to me like your husband doesn't know how to deal with the depression. like he can't do anything right. You really have to talk with each other. tell him that you know the postpartum has made you seem "crazy" (even though you are NOT crazy" but that you really really need him. and you do really need him. Help him figure out a way to deal with it. You really do need counseling but since you can't afford it just do the best you can. Communicate, all the time. And cry, its ok. And eventually you WILL feel better. I promise.
2006-06-27 10:51:28 · answer #3 · answered by kiss me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to make a decision while suffering from depression. You do deserve to be happy, but that does not mean you cannot be happy with him. I suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and last year started to overcome it. I did not realize how hard it was on my husband, because I was so used to it. He told me that he felt it was harder on him because he was doing all he was capable of and trying to make me feel better about myself, but I wouldn't acknowledge any of it. A baby changes everything and not just for the woman. He may be having a hard time dealing with his own fears or whatever. If you don't have insurance or money for treatment, try finding a MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) or other mothers group where they will understand what you are going through. Or maybe try a minister / priest / reverend or other church official. You have to recognize you are responsible for your own happiness and no one else can give you what you are looking for. Yes, I agree he should at least lend you an ear to listen, but many guy's are trained that emotions are bad. I finally realized that I can be happy with my husband or I can be happy without him. As much as I love him, his staying or going is not going to change whether or not I can be happy. When I told him this he said it took a lot of pressure off him and made him happier.
2006-06-27 10:48:15 · answer #4 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing that you have only been married for two years and had kids so quickly after that, I assume you are in your 30's. If not your question is pretty much answered for you. Good age for marriage -- too young for kids. It sounds like he's normally lazy. You are pregnant and need spousal support, and you know he loves you, but it's not working out.
You've reached the "enough nagging" period. It is the period in a relationship where a womans opinion and mans misbehavior has soaked a relationship dry. The love is there, the emotion isn't. A man needs sex, and a woman needs emotion. Thats why when men cheat, its over sex. And when woman cheat, it's over one of those "hes not paying enough attention to me" ordeals.
Don't try sitting him down again, because you already have tried it a few times. Don't pressure him, don't hate him, don't hate yourself, don't pitty yourself, and don't get vindicitive or spitful.
You need him to come to you so the "nagging complex" can dissapear. Plan a nice outing for him to appreciate you and think your beautiful. Once this happens, the "sex" thing will happen on his side and you can coarse him into the "emotional" side.
2006-06-27 10:46:22 · answer #5 · answered by Poestalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hunn, this is all just the depressin taking over you, fight it! stop crying, show your husband that you can be fun too. you know a good cure for depression that is usually free? laughter.
instead of trying to talk to him about the same thing over and over again hunn, try to plan a family getaway that even your child might enjoy.
like one day when he comes home from work, say "hey sweety, i was browsing through sites and thought we could go here as a family, when are you free" or something like that.
going on a family vacation will not only help your depression, but will also bring back the communication between the both of you.
even going to a park or the beach is both fun and free.
2006-06-27 10:57:38 · answer #6 · answered by Miss M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him to the curb, because he isn't showing you the support and respect that you deserve! If you want help with your postpardum depression, there are many pharmacuetical companies that will provide you with medication free of charge. Just get a prescription from your doctor first and then you can fill out a form. You need to be happy for you and your daughter. She is your #1 priority not him and you should be his top priority, but it doesn't look like he's acknowledging that.
2006-06-27 17:17:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both may be going through some depression issues. A new baby, although I am sure you love your child, can bring on a lot of stress. He may be feeling that stress and not sharing that with you due to you having your own issues. Try keeping a journal, it can really help you when you need to vent or pour out some of your emotions. He may just be dealing with some of his own issues, try being there for him and putting your own issues on the back burner?? I keep hearing about you, what about him?
2006-06-27 11:19:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to find somebody to talk with. You married him for better or worse and he did the same. You need to either talk with him or maybe even write him a letter telling him what you are feeling. You might also start a journal where you two can write back and forth with each other. Your baby is the most important consideration you two should have right now and you need to figure out what is going on for her sake.
2006-06-27 10:43:53 · answer #9 · answered by willinkc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like so many things have changed so quickly (with having a child) that he isn't sure how to handle it, so he just leaves you alone. Guys sometimes think that's what we need when we're being like that. Have you tried asking him (in a nice way) why he does those things? Maybe you should seek counseling with him, if you've already tried to discuss things and it hasn't changed anything. Good luck.
2006-06-27 12:33:49 · answer #10 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats pretty serious...if your staying with him because of his well being then you really need to leave...think about yourself and your daughter what about yours and her well being...your daughter should definately come first and in order for your daughter to be happy she has to have a sense of well being with in you...she can feel your unhappiness and she feeds off of it...maybe you guys need time apart...he'll definately miss his family and then maybe he will learn to listen to you after you guys have been apart for a while...let him know that the reason your leaving is because hes not there for you and you need him the most right now when your going through what your going through...and hes just not there...i wish you the best no matter what you decide to do
2006-06-27 11:12:57 · answer #11 · answered by E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋