Hi, since the birth of our son, my wife and I seem to be having a lot of issues and conflict. We keep it from our son, but I was wondering how common this is? How can it be resolved?
2006-06-27 03:35:44 · 24 answers · asked by nycsean 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's very common. we went through the same issues when our first son was born. we still got through it now with our 2nd baby. hang in there.
2006-06-27 04:30:10 · answer #1 · answered by preston 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is very common. The lives as you knew them are now gone. It is hard to deal with that fact. It is something that does not sink in 100% till the kids are already here. I would say don't sweat the small stuff cause you two will drive each other nuts. And you have to have a lot of give and take. New mothers get frustrated and overwhelmed by lack of help and sleep. You set certain nights like every other night or something to get up when the baby cries & sleeping in days. You also need to make time for you two to be alone. Ask the grandparents to take the baby so you two can enjoy yourselfs. The 1st few times will be very hard cause all you will do is think about the baby. But if they are with a trustworthy sitter then learn to relax and enjoy.
2006-06-27 03:40:47 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course there will be more problems. There is one more person to worry about. You are stressed from all the stuff you need to do for a baby - getting up in the middle of the night for a feeding, doing diaper changing, and just trying to remember what you did a minute ago. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on the both of you because you don't want to mess it up.
Try to talk about it with each other. And help each other with the baby so then it won't feel like a one person job. GOOD LUCK!! ENJOY THE BABY!!!
2006-06-27 03:39:36 · answer #3 · answered by fran c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you have a child the dynamics of your relationship change. It's no longer about you and her it's about the nipper first. Lots more work for the both of you means you're both more tired and apt to be more sensitive and snapish. There's also the extra financial burden. As you know, kids are expensive.
Perhaps you need counseling. At least make time for each other without the nipper. Take a vacation together and reconnect and renew what the two of you had pre-baby. Above all, communicate with each other.
2006-06-27 03:39:51 · answer #4 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the issues need to already be there in order for a new baby to cause problems with the relationship. I have 2 young children and I'll be crazy if i didn't say that having children has put a minor strain on our marriage but I believe wholeheartedly what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Communication is key and if you do not nip those issues in the bud right now, you're in for a looong tumultuous ride.
2006-06-27 03:40:54 · answer #5 · answered by USC Fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very common. You really have to work at it though. Her hormones are out of whack, she's tired, she probably feels drained. You need to help her as much as you can. She is now a mother and has alot going on. So do you, but its more physical for her. Just be there for each other and try to get away together for a couple hours just to spend time with each other. It is going to be an adjustment but you two will get thru this together if you are willing to work at it. Good luck and congratulations!!
2006-06-27 04:13:32 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very common. Most men feel left out when the new baby comes and Mom feels drained and her hormones are raging. I'd advise you to help as much as you can; get a good babysitter so you two can have at least one night out a month to devote to yourselves and read some good books about fathering a newborn. It will get better.
2006-06-27 03:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
New baby can cause problems for more then one reason:
-wife is going trough hormonal changes which can cause post partum blues or depression,
-insecurity on fathers behalf on not being the most cherished person in the family because new born baby takes more attention,
-and of course- much bigger work load and more vigorous schedule.
Many families go trough relationship problems when new baby joins the family but you can help yourself-
do not go to bed without giving hug and kiss to each other,
do not let disputes to go with you in the bed,
try to arrange at least once a week or once in two weeks time for just two of you by hiring baby sitter or arranging help from family friend or relative,
think how you can rearrange your duties that both of you can keep your sanity and get sufficient rest,
do not obsess with unnecessary chores, be rational in handling home duties.
When you want to understand message your wife is sending you, do not assume anything but ask directly how would she like this to be resolved. Make agreement to be more direct in your communications to avoid misunderstandings. Make agreement to discuss issues and work solutions without raising tones of your voices. Learn to listen to each other patiently. Please try to discuss issues in possibly calm way and try to keep good sense of humor at any time. Yelling makes only things much worse, accusations has tendency to pile up and then burst out in even bigger argument. Try to reason when you discuss issues and know when to step back and know when to wait for the right moment to continue discussion. Being able to laugh in not so fortunate or difficult situation makes the situation to look better anyways. Being able to keep your communication open will be the most valuable tool for succesful forever marriage.
I think if wife would be able to get out to gym or some other activities to refresh her look on life few times a week, that would help her emotional health a lot and your relationship.
Hang in there and in no time your baby will grow up and will be driving him/herself. While it seems a lot, know that you have much less actual worries then it will be when your child will be a teenager. Cherish this time!
If you feel that you are able to handle situation on your own- remember that counselling can come in very handy and helpful. Counselling will provide you with the tools how to handle your relationship.
Good luck! And work hard on your relationship! You will be happy you did. Give your wife and baby great hug and kiss!
2006-06-27 04:04:09 · answer #8 · answered by mini golf blonde 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if a couple is ready for a baby and has fully acccepted the changes a baby would bring the problems should be few to none. BUt if a baby is unscueled the couple could experience tension in their relationship.
2006-06-27 03:40:02 · answer #9 · answered by meeepaulinee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very common. You two need to sit down and agree to disagree on some issues, but come together on the important ones. Parenting is a lot of work. Communication is the key.
2006-06-27 03:38:48 · answer #10 · answered by Tina T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on why you two decided to have a baby. A baby causes stress in a relationship it does not make a family complete, as our culture might want you to believe.
2006-06-27 05:51:15 · answer #11 · answered by Tabor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋