is normal?

Question

i've been married for all most ten years
my husband is allways yelling at me and the kids
i tell him its hard to tell that he loves me with all that anger
are all men this way they wanted it thier way only and
dont care who they hurt

Answer 1

he sounds very stressed, and you need to make him understand that his behavior is hard on the children as well as yourself. it is not normal and he needs help. before he wakes up one morning to find himself alone, because he eventually will push everyone that he knows and loves away. and I am sure he doesnt want that.

Answer 2

All men are not that way. He sounds very angry and may need anger management. You and the children do not deserve verbal abuse. I would suggest talking to him. Don't attack. Don't start with "you", start with "I feel". Go out to dinner or something and discuss what is happening with you and the kids because of his yelling. Tell him you love him and that you know he loves you and go from there. No yelling, even if he does. If you yell then he will yell louder.
Maybe involve a third party, a counselor or close friend you both can talk too.
If all else fails, you may want to reconsider your relationship.

Answer 3

Often anger inside the home is the result of factors outside the
home like job stress, money issues, broken car or even the realization that he's achieved the top of his game and its all downhill. Was it always like this or did it come on all at once or gradually? Sometimes it reflects a helplessness in his day to day life. Try to find out what the root cause is. If he was not always like that somethings changed. Put your finger on that one and you can get positive change. It may take some therapy for him.

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your heartache. My husband used to only criticize and not compliment and he was not good at expressing his feelings. Many men are trained that feelings are bad and must be hidden and it is torture to try to get them to open up. After 9 years my husband is finally trying to communicate his feelings in a more positive, talking things out without blaming manner. I cannot say what changed other than my own feeling of self-worth. I started telling him he could blame me all he wants for ____ and take everything out on me, but I will not accept responsibility and blame and apologize for something that was not my fault! If it is my fault then I will accept responsibility and make things right. I offered to listen to what was bothering him and help if I could, but would NOT pay the price for others' wrongs. We also started doing things as a family such as biking, playing volleyball or other activities which naturally relieve stress due to the high activity level.

Answer 5

Everything my fiance and I do is what I want, with the exception of a few things. I try to ask him his opinion on things and he never tells me because he always thinks about me first. It's always what I want and if I dont' pick something we fight about it. It is kinda a good thing, but sometimes it gets old. We have what I want for supper, where I want if we go out, the size drink I want at the move theatre, etc. Not all men are like your husband....he's just being selfish.

Answer 6

even if it's the norm that's not to say that it's right. words hurt, you're his wife not one of the kids,, pull him up on it .it's a shame this has been allowed to go on for so long.. but all is not lost, try talking to him at a time when all is calm.do it when the kids are not at home or been put to bed.
now before you start on him, you must check some things first... is there respect in the home,you're not gonna get very far if it's the norm to put down and cuss out each other.
also what works for me in related situations is to talk to God first , cover your issues in prayer and also pray for your husband that he may hear what you have to say.
keep it all simple..(men can be like big kids )
write down some of your points if need be.
stand your ground but also know that you don't have to have the last word to come out the victor.
let us know how it goes

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he's got anger management issues. No, it's not normal. He's gotten into a BAD habbit of yelling. Don't be surprised if your children become screamers too. He needs angermanagement classes. Maybe the whole faily should go for therapy. It could only make things better. Another thing if you don't feel he loves you, how do you think the children feel you both love them. GET HELP QUICK.

Answer 8

So sorry you're going through this! I've been through it myself and it has caused all kinds of problems for my children. After a few months of counseling they are finally talking about how much they have been hurt by their father's yelling and hurtful words. I eventually divorced him to save my children. Don't let this continue! Will he go to counseling with you and the kids? If not, seriously consider a trail separation. This is called verbal abuse for a reason. Check out this website about verbal abuse. Statistically if a person will verbally abuse his family, physical abuse isn't far behind. Good luck!

Answer 9

No. Not all men are this way. Has this been occuring for 10 years? If so then lady...you'd either better seek counseling or prepare to start out anew with the kids someplace or with someone else. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

No, his behavior is not like evry man's so don't think it's ok and you have to be his punching bag. Ask him to get help. It's tru that some people hurt the ones they love the most but this is no excuse for hurtfull behavior. Stand up for yourself and take action...we are all on this planet one time...there is nothing that says we should live unhappily due to someone else's shortcomings.

Answer 11

during 23 years of marriage, we never had a disagreement in front of the kids. if we did have a issue, we settled it without yelling at each other, yelling does not solve anything! your husband has issues and does not know how to deal with them...you can suggest therapy, but be prepared for him to say no to that also...good luck.