Its my birthday today and I wanted to go the cinema and to dinner with my boyfriend I am 29 he is 37. Anyway we have shared custody of his daughter (8) and she was supposed to be with her mum tonight. She went in a big huff and started crying so now she is with us. Meaning instead of the night I wanted we are now staying in. I bend over backwards to make her happy. I just wish my boyfriend has said no. Am i unreasonable for wanting one day to be about me.
2006-06-27 02:18:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No! I agree totaly with you. Little miss spoilt has to realise that life is different now and your boyfriend also has to realise that he is bloody lucky to have found a lovely girl who is prepared too help him bring up someone elses child. He is spoiling her 0and in the end you will stop putting up with it and walk!
You clearly love this little girl so do not feel guilty!
He is over compensating which will do more harm than good as she will grow up with unrealistic expectations from life & people who dont give her her own way like daddy did for his "ickle princess".
Please do not sell yourself short here - make a stand or you will be a doormat for all 3 of them (yup, "mom" will use her as a weapon to screw things up for you if she can)
You are worth more & he should show some balls & some gratitude to you for your help & love you show to his (not your) daughter.
If you dont the little one will grow up bitter and spoilt.
2006-06-28 00:46:20 · answer #1 · answered by heath 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it's tricky, because this is not your child. I don't understand why she went into a huff and was then allowed to change arrangements, does her mother allow her to control the situations like this? Because if so, then her behaviour is only going to get worse a she gets older.
If this joint custody routine is still new to her, then you have to make allowances while she adapts. She may feel jealous of the time you have with her dad and you have to just grit your teeth and be an adult for the time being.
If it's not a new situation and she's now aware that by throwing a tantrum she gets her own way, then yes, you need to make your partner aware that tonight was your special day and that he sees his child as often as he likes and that it is unacceptable that you have to change plans at the drop of a hat.
I think you need to deal with this matter when you are less frustrated by it. if you confront it now you will speak in anger and the whole thing might backfire, you may end up looking insecure and jealous.
Just try to make the best of tonight as you can, be firm but fair. Everyone deserves some speical time with their partner and everyone deserves to feel extra special on their birthday. Just ask him when tonight can be rescheduled so that your celebration will go ahead as was planned, and that this time his daughter must understand that there are structures in place, which must always be flexible obviously, but that cannot be bent totaly out of shape in this manner
2006-06-27 02:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by Eden* 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got into the relationship knowing it was a package deal. He has an obligation to take his daughter whenever needed and you have to accept that no matter what day it is. Kids sometimes can ruin your plans but if you wanted to be a good step mom then you should spend your birthday with your guy and his little girl. Show him that you care more about her happiness than your own. He will appreciate you for it and the little girl wont feel like she is being a burden in your lives.
2006-06-27 02:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you take the daughter out aswell 4 a meal and the cinema mite have to be a bit earlier than planned but u could still go. I do understnd ur frustrations i would be quite annoyed 2!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! just make sure ur free to celebrate ur big one nxt year, dont let anything get in the way of that!
2006-06-27 02:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Irishbird3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No but you are part of a family now and this is what happens when part of a family. Negotiate another night, parents often have to do that. Be greatful in one way you have a super man who idolises his daughter in view of how many walk away. from their kids. Enjoy this quality but on another night, thems the breaks unfortunatley, there could have been something else that caused a hiccup in the night. Jealousy re the kid is going to cause a problem in this relationship deal with it now if you want it to work
2006-06-27 02:22:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that you would be a little upset but you are an adult. When you entered this relationship you knew that you would be taking on the responsibility of a daughter. She has to come first and you must understand that your boyfriend will always have his daughter as his priority. She is a blood relation, you are not.
Go out with him another night. Why does it have to be this particular day, what's wrong with another day?
2006-06-27 02:25:25 · answer #6 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think it is a question of having the right or not. when we are hurt we are hurt. its a feeling and there is not neccesarily anythign rational about it.
you are an adult, and she is a child. having a child is surely about compromises isn't it?
surely you could plan your evening another night instead
you could also explain to your boyfriend why you are hurt
as a compromise you could get a good dvd and curl up together in front of the tv once she goes to bed
you could make some finger food and chill out
the positive side being that then you realy do have him just to yourself
2006-06-27 02:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Unknown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a talk with your bf and let him know how you feel (when his daughter is not around). You know the girl best, but it may be that she just wanted to spend time with you on your birthday too and felt left out. Ask your bf and get the low-down.
2006-06-27 02:23:24 · answer #8 · answered by Disgruntled Biscuit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep - you are. The girl is eight years old. You are an adult - her father is an adult. Sometimes it doesn't ever get to be just about you when there is a child involved.
(Of course, my statement would likely change if the you had indicated that the child is a domineering brat who always gets her way because the father never disciplines her....)
2006-06-27 02:23:18 · answer #9 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she wants all the attention and it must be hard being 8 and living in a broken home... i can understand where you are coming from but your boyfriend has to put his daughter first...
Its annoying i know, coz u dont get alone time, especially on your birthday... why dont you wait til shes a slepp and get her gran to look after her or something... sneak out! it will be fun too xxx
2006-06-27 02:23:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋