Can you give me a primer on how to be a perfect mother like the rest of you?

Question

I love on my baby, but she doesn't give a damn. All she does is whine and cry. She doesn't love me. I cuddle her and play with her, and when I get hungry or thirsty or need to go to the bathroom, she cries even more. So, she hates me but she hates me even more when I go pee or eat? I don't know what elese to do other than to just be a robot and take care of her and live for her naptimes so I can exhale. She hates me, so why can't I hate her back? You sick bastards who think I'd hurt a baby need help yourselves. I understand she is a baby. I understand, like it or not, I have to help her and care for her even if she hates me. What can i do to be a perfect parent like all of you so she will love me and not cry all the time over nothing? She has no reason to cry, all her needs are attended to promptly and thoroughly. I just want to be perfect like all of you who can gush and mush over babies. When mine is sleep, I praise Heaven above. No time for gush and mush when you are a robot.

Answer 1

Hi. First off you may have a high intensity baby who is feeding off of your post-partum depression (if you have it) Second your baby does not hate you, in fact the exact opposite is more likely. She is probably so attached to you that when you try to get away for a brief second she doesnt understand yet that you will be back. She just thinks you left. Which causes anxiety for her. My son used to scream when I put him down or left the room or tried to get some time for myself. Sometimes they just do that, and its hard, and no one understands until they have been thru it. I have been there and the only supportive thing I can tell you is that it only gets better. But you failed to mention your babys age, could she be teething? If so it is a terribly painful experience for her and that may elevate her crying and need to be with you but still cry. Or possible ear infection? I know when my son had an ear infection I thought I might literally lose my mind, there was nothing I could do to get him to stop whining and fussing. After 2 days of that we went to the dr and sure enough he had double ear infections. All he would do was cling to me and cry and if I put him down the SCREAMING would start, half the time I cried with him. And lastly you cannot hate your child because she is your child and thats what mothers do is love their children regardless of wht they put you through, This is your first indication that you ARE going to be a great mom, sorry, cause it would be easier to be one of those moms who justs shoves their baby on anyone who is willing to watch her or leave her scream in her room all day or smack her etc... so you might want to think about Infants tylenol for teeth or having her checked up at her pediatrician to rule out any illness but after a clean bill of health keep doing what your doing and I promise you that you and her will be better off for it!! Good Luck and if you ever need support email me www.lisbonparking@yahoo

Shannon

Answer 2

I'm not perfect - just tolerant and understanding. A 6 mnonth old baby does not hate you. When she gets angry for leaving the room it is because she is afraid that you will not come back. She just doesn't understand it yet. And I'm not going to tell you that she loves you yet either, but she depends on you. So, go to the bathroom and let her cry while you are in there because yes - you do need to go. She will eventually learn that you will always return. You said at the beginning that you love your baby - show her that unconditionally and she will learn to give it back to you.
We all have days like this - Sometimes I live for my 2 year old's naptime and am disappointed when he wakes. We are moms but we are still women.
And yes, she does have a reason to cry. She is a baby with no other way to communicate. And enjoy it when ahe wants you. Save the 'she hates me' for when she is a teenager and screaming it at you from the top of her lungs. Believe me, this will happen at least once no matter how much you do for her now or later.

Answer 3

First let me say that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Please know that your baby doesnt hate you. Have you considered taking her to the doctor, maybe something in what she eats upsets her tummy? As far as her crying more when you leave the room that is normal, she wants to know you are around at all times, and there is nothing wrong with letting her cry for a little while. Being a mom is the most overwhelming job and being frustrated is a daily occurance...how old is the baby?? My kids are 3 and 8 and I still praise heaven everytime they're sleeping. I do hope that you feel better soon!

Answer 4

I'm sorry to read that you feel that way, you baby does love you, you are GOD to her. Please understand she's not behaving that way because she hates you, she's completely helpless and is acting like a normal baby. I know it's stressful and there are no perfect mommies, plenty of people have experienced the same frustrations that you are and have felt like a robot...it's hard when you get very little sleep and you are adjusting to being the sole provider for this new little life, that needs you for every little thing right now. You may want to seek help from a licensced therapist as it sounds like you may be experiencing some Post Partum Depression, most of all don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. Maybe you can join a mom's group for support as well, they'll all have first hand knowledge of what it's like and would probably love to help make things easier for you while you adjust to being a new parent. Take it easy on yourself, and perhaps talk to your baby's pediatirician about how you've been feeling, they can help as well and may be able to give you tips on caring for your baby.

Answer 5

Firstly there is no such thing as a perfect mother, secondly your baby does love u and need u, but right now crying is the only way she can communicate. Sleep time for my kids was my favourite part of the day to so dont think that u are alone, u are not a bad mother, just keep caring for her and u r doing great. Its the hardest job of all time and the rewards will come u just have to be patient.

Answer 6

Take a deep breath. Do it again.

Okay, now, relax for just a minute and think about this.

1. Babies until they are at least 3 months old do not cry unless there is something uncomfortable going on, like hunger, or they are cold or hot, or need to be swaddled in a blanket for security, or a wet or dirty diaper, or unless they are in pain.

2. There is no such thing as a perfect mother. Because each child is different, there is no perfect way to be a mother. There is, however one golden rule of Motherhood, "Be good to yourself, so that you can be good to baby."

Here are some suggestions to help ease your situation. Please take this advice seriously and put it to work for you.

1. You need to find someone to help you watch you baby, maybe for at least 1 hour a day, so you can get some air, take a nap, just get a break for that time. Your mental health is just as important to your baby as it is to yourself. If you have a husband or significant other, get them to watch the baby for a couple of hours to give you that break. This time is very crucial to your relationship with your baby.

2. Call your baby's pediatrician and explain the situation to them and ask them if she needs a check up . Also ask them for assistance in easing this situation, be it a sitting service, someone to talk to, a parental support group, whatever, but don't be afraid to ask for help.

3. Family. If you have them, use them. Seriously. If you have family around you, get them involved in the well-being of both you and your child by getting them to help you get a break.

These breaks are very important in establishing your child's familiarity with the fact that Mommy does come back, therefore avoiding later detachment disorders/issues.

Best of Luck to you, and remember the golden rule of motherhood,
"Be good to yourself so that you can be good to baby!"

Answer 7

honey you are a perfect parent. I wish you could see that. Anyone who goes out and buys 15 dollar nappy cream to prevent nappy rash even when she doesn't have a hint of a rash is a perfect mum.

It's so much easier to mush and gush when you can give them back at the end of the day. Not so easy when you see the bad parts as well as the good.

Hey, just think, when she has children and they are just the same as she is now, you can say to her 'haha you were just the same, this must be my revenge!' and then you can help her deal with it.

Take care sweetheart. still thinking of you xxxx

Answer 8

Sorry to sound harsh but it sounds like you have post natal depression - get some decent sleep (easier said than done I know but make it a priority) see your doctor she/he might be able to help. You might want to get a really good routine so your baby know what to expect during the day and you know when you will get a break. btw almost all mothers struggle - ask someone for a time out I'm sure they'll understand.

Answer 9

Have you considered that your baby might have an underlying health issue? My son had food allergies that upset his stomach and caused him to cry all the time.....my other son had reflux...once you get the health problems figured out...they are much happier and much more loving. You really should take her to a doctor and address the problem there...be sure to mention acid reflux as an option just in case the doctor doesn't consider it because it often goes undiagnosed. Good luck.

Answer 10

sounds to me like colic if u have tended to all the needs so baby is not hungry and has clean diaper etc,... try and give peppermint water in a bottle and see if that helps if not i would go see a doctor and there is also parenting classes and mommy and me classes so u can be around other parents with same issues and get person to person advice. good luck it will turn out ok and your baby does not hate u!!!