Should I just give up?

Question

I have been trying to save our relationship - we have survived a surprise pregnancy, worked through his drug issues, his stealing money from me, his denial that he cheated (although I am still not sure about this one) but it just never seems to get "good". I am tired of taking care of our beautiful twin babies alone - even when he is there he doesn't really help. Playing with them is not enough. Then he leaves and he gets to have a life - and I am very resentful about that. I try to explain to him that working, caring for the babies and his occasional visits aren't enough for me. But he doesn't seem to get it. I don't want anyone else - even if we do end this relationship completely - I don't have time for anyone else. I just want him to want to help more or to care that I have had it with the BS. I would be happy with one night that he gets up with the babies - but because of his past drug issues I won't let him take them off. I feel that I am spinning my wheels - ???

Answer 1

I may not be the best one to answer this question but here goes. Give up and move on.. You gave him a chance and he proved he was not ready. I was given the same chance but I made good on what was needed of me. I gave up the drugs and booze. I asked myself what I wanted out of life, what kind of parent I wanted to be. I asked what my children needed. I took a vow and made a promise. I ran from responsibility my entire life. I am sick of running. Life is not fair or easy, we have to accept this. We have to find the little things in life that provide us with some sort of happiness and learn to be gratefull for these gifts. Then we must love and nurture them, for they are gifts on loan that can and will be taken from us at some point. If you tell him good-bye for good maybe someday he will learn and at least return to be a good father. You and your children deserve better. If you want some real help try droping my wife an e-mail, she has been there. Good Luck, my prayers are with you.

Answer 2

Go see a Dr for your depression in order to get the strength you need to remove him from your life. twins are hard enough and you are already doing it solo so should he dissappear it would really become easier as right now it seems you have three kids. He is not a good role model for your kids and is a finacial and emotional drain upon you. Many women do it alone and do it very well. Tap into a local health centre for support and get respite for your kids, happy mum =happy babies. They pick up on their mothers stress and it is not a healthy environment for any of you. Get legal help if you have a hard time getting rid of him. Dont knock yourself you tried it didnt work so move on. good luck

Answer 3

Oh goodness sweetie. You have to believe that God can change anyone. Don't give up. But at the same time don't let him abuse in this way. Its not healthy for you or the kids. Sit down and talk to him or try counseling. Then if he doesn't go then you do have to leave the situation. Even if you have to get a mediator and he needs to be drug tested before he can be with the kids alone. But I always have hope people can change.

Answer 4

It seems to me like u feel insecure for him to be around ur babies then why would u want him to help i mean i dont blame u i want my kids to be safe too but u really need to talk to him and if he really loves u an wants marriage to work u two will get counseling and change for the good
Do it now while ur kids are still little make ur decision and take it seriously but u REALLY need to talk to him sit down if u can get some1 to babysit and go out to eat or make a small dinner at home and talk about what u really want from life and if he really wants to change as well as u
GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

If you won't his help. Than you have to trust him. If you don't Trust him, than what is your marriage based on? It wouldn't hurt him to get up with the twines for one night. When they began to cry roll over and touch him and tell him that it is his turn. Hand him one of the babies had ask him to feed it, Chang or what ever that it needs at the time. Some people don't know how to dell with babies. So just lead him through it.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

It's time for you to let go your relationship is over,move on. This man that your with did,dose drugs, stole form you STOLE FORM YOU YOU, and now is cheating on you and yes likely hood of that is high if you think hes cheating he is.any whys all your doing is hurting your self and your kids you don't need that in your life rite now. rite now you need to be focusing on your kids there the most important thing they should not be around that your already raising them by your self take the next step on really go out there and do it by your self. your man will never ever change the only thing that's going to happen is that hes going to get worse. you don't need a man rite now you have to kids raise them when they get older start dating again, any whys you need time to heel from this. and you will. you might not feel like it but you will trust me, your a woman your Strong .

Answer 7

Time for you to cut the cord loose. If you are spending your energy worried about what he may do to you then this guy just is NOT for you! Having a good and positive relationship does not mean we need not trust our partners . And that is clearly the prob here you have a problem trusting the guy and that is something that is regained AFTER SOME TIME!

Answer 8

Just ask yourself if you'd ever want one of your kids to end up like him. If the answer is no, it's time to leave and find a good lawyer to get child support. You don't need a bad example in the kids' lives all the time. It sounds like you're pretty much a single mom anyway. Good luck!

Answer 9

Where's your Mom? Your sisters? Get some help. Find someone you can trust to leave the babies with. Get some sleep. The guy is just a visitor in your life anyway. Arrange your life to suit you.

Answer 10

You need not bank upon him as u know his history?And yes it is not worth having him around for a night or even trusting him for leaving your babies at his disposal..You need to take a firm step and don't think that you cannot take responsibilities.You are mother..and God made mothers as HE cannot be near every child thus Mother is the strength for existing..Rather rely on your close friends of family..