Do you wanna get 10 points?

Question

Tell me the funniest joke.........you will get 10 points...within an hour..

short jokes would be preffered

Sorry friends.....i didn't know about that 24 hours rule....

Answer 1

once a rickshaw puller was standing and a friend of mine asked him if he would go to city?He replied YES and my friend said GO then what for are u standing???

I shall wait for points.....

Answer 2

Q: Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?
A: So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.

Part one Q: How do you fit four elephants in a Volkswagen?
A: Two in the front seat, two in the back.
Part two Q: How do you tell if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: There are footprints in the peanut butter.
Part three Q: How do you tell if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There are two sets of footprints in the peanut butter.
Part four Q: How do you tell if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't close.
Part five Q: How do you tell if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's a Volkswagen parked out back.

Part one Q: How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A: Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
Part two Q: How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A: Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
Part three Q: The lion, king of the jungle, calls a conference in the forest. Which animal is not present?
A: The giraffe: it is in the fridge where you left it.
Part four Q: Two explorers are crossing a crocodile-infested swamp. How do they get across safely?
A: The crocodiles are at the conference in the forest.

Answer 3

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

According to a CNN report, this one is officially the world's funniest joke.

Answer 4

funniest ???
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Answer 5

A man is sitting at a diner, where he can't help but notice an elderly couple waiting for their dinner. He sees there is only one glass of water on the table and then when there dinner arrives only one meal. He goes over and offers to pay for another meal, thinking they must not be able to afford two meals. The elderly gentleman kindly refuses and tells the man oh, it has been this way for years, we love to share everything. We wouldn't have it any other way. So the man apologizes and returns to his chair. He still can't help but notice the woman has not began eating yet, so he walks back over to the man and asks why the man's wife is not eating yet. She says, Oh, I am just waiting to use our teeth!!

Answer 6

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Answer 7

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 8

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog calledout to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then criedout, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineertook the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'ma beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have timefor a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Answer 9

A man once lived an almost flawless life. When he died, God told the man that as a reward, though no one else could, he was allowed to bring something from the world to heaven with him.

At the gate, St. Peter welcomed him, then asked him, "So what did you decide to bring?"

The man showed Peter a bar of gold.

Peter turned and yelled, "Hey John! He brought pavement!"

Answer 10

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" Bob’s wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and asks how the waitress knows what he wanted. "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She’s screaming at him, cursing him out. As Bob tries his best to calm her down, the cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real ***** this time."

Answer 11

Once there was a woman having dinner at her boyfriend's place and she was really nervous so when they all sat for dinner and she ate a piece of her brocolli she felt a pain and she had to let out a fart and the dog was sitting under her so she felt lucky and let that fart out
the dog sneezed so she thought noone notices..the boyfriend's father shouted " SKIPPY"
So she was happy no one found out ...again she felt the pain and had to do another fart ...so she peacefully did and the father shouted " DAMN IT SKIPPY"
but she just had to do another one and the dog was still under the chair so she let out a huge heartbreak fart and the father said " DAMN IT SKIPPY GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE BEFORE SHE SHITS ON YOU"